Ariana's P.O.V
It's been a few days after Christmas. Six days to be exact. It's New Year's Eve at the moment. We're going into a new year. A new decade. What was this new year going to hold? As long as Ryder, Ashlynn, and J.J were still with me by the end of 2020, I'd say it was a good year.
I got attached. Attached to Ryder. There wasn't a moment of the day where I wasn't thinking about him. He was on my mind 24/7. Sometimes, I wonder what life would be like without Ryder by my side, but then I realize, I can't. Even though we've been dating for barely a month, I think I might love him.
But does he love me back?
That's a scary question if you think about it. We're dating and can't get out of each other's heads, but does that mean he loves me? I know for a fact I love him. But what if I tell him and he doesn't feel the same? What if we're not ready for that daunting L-word?
More like, what if he's not ready for the L-word? It would suck ass if I told him and he didn't say it back. But what if I tell him and he feels the same way?
Decisions. Decisions.
To tell, or not to tell, that is the question.
"Babe, what are you thinking?" Ryder asks me, massaging my shoulders slightly.
"Nothing," I say. But this wasn't nothing. This was everything.
"Baby, don't lie. You have that crease in your forehead. You always do that when you're thinking about something intently. What is it?" he asks.
"It's nothing, Ryder. Really," I reply. Clearly not believing me, he thankfully doesn't push any further.
"We should throw a party. Start the New Year off with a celebration," he says finally.
"And tell me oh wise one. What are your plans for this party?" I ask. I'm not saying a party was a bad idea, but last-minute things rarely work out that well. At least, for me, they don't.
"Well, I was thinking we could have it here. I have enough people working under me that I could make a few calls and everything would be fine. Are you ok with us having a party?" he says.
"It's not a terrible idea," I reply.
"Then I part we shall have," he says. "I'd hate to kick you out of my house, but you can't exactly wear my clothes to this party," he says with a chuckle.
"Well, no shit Sherlock," I reply, getting up. "I'm going to head back to my apartment and get ready. Anything specific I should wear?" I ask.
"Nope. Run wild. But not too wild," he says with a small laugh.
"Alright. I'll see you in a bit," I say, giving him a quick kiss. Throwing my jeans back on, I head to my car and drive back to my place.
The place felt lonely without Ashlynn. But then again, she couldn't handle the cold, so it was best for her to head back to Miami, anyway.
Heading to Ashlynn's room, I go straight to her closet to see what dress she has that would cover at least 50% of my body. Ashlynn is the type to wear something as long as it covers 5% of her body. If she could walk around naked, I'm sure she would. But hey, this is a judgment-free zone.
After about 10 minutes, I finally find a dress that covers a good amount of my body. And to my surprise, it was long. This has got to be one of the few things that cover almost all of Ashlynn. Grabbing the dress from her closet, I take it to my room and find my red pumps. Because c'mon. Red is the best color, is it not?
After taking a shower, I put on Ashlynn's dress and leave my hair out:
Putting on my heels and coat, I assess myself in the mirror once more and walk out the door. Driving to Ryder's place, I notice that there are already a few cars in the driveway. Asking into Ryder's house, my anxiety kicked in.
They're just people. Lots of people. But people none the less. As long as you find Ryder, you'll be ok. You got this. Just don't freak out.
After giving myself a mental pep talk, I walk around the house to see if I could find a familiar face. Walking up to Ryder's bedroom, I see him struggling to fix his tie. Walking up behind him quietly, I wrap my arms around his waist.
"Do you need help there?" I ask.
"My Queen is back. But yes, I do need help with this damn thing," he replies, turning his body to face me.
"There. All done," I say after I fix his tie.
"Thank you. You look beautiful as always," he says.
"Thank you. It's Ashlynn's dress. She has good taste in clothes. Most of the time anyway," I reply
"You should have brought her along," he replies.
"She with her family down in Miami. She doesn't do well with the cold," I say.
"Ahh, got it," he replies. Taking my coat off, I hang it behind Ryder's door.
"You ready to go?" I ask.
"To be honest, I'm not so sure I want to anymore," he says.
"And why is that?" I ask, walking back over to him.
"You look so damn gorgeous that dress I'm going to have a hard time keeping my hands to myself tonight. I might just cancel this whole party and fuck you right here, right now," he says looking me up and down.
"But you would let everyone who is already here down. And I don't think the Ryder Jackson Emerson wants to let anyone down, now does he? It'd be a shame if you upset your guests that are already here. Imagine what they would think of you," I say, trailing a finger down his chiseled body through his shirt. "And besides, aren't you a changed man?" I ask.
"Screw what people think. As for being a changed man, I might change back so I can have my way with you," he replies, leaving small kisses on my neck.
"And where's the fun in that? I wanna see how long you last," I say.
"You enjoy teasing me like this, huh? You enjoy torturing me. You purposely wear clothes that show off your curves just so you can drive me insane. Don't you worry, Little Red. I'll have my way with you. But mark my words, it'll be you who will be begging for me, not the other way around," he replies. "Now come on. What kind of host would I be if I was late to my own party?" he says, pulling me out his bedroom door.
His words shook me down to my core. The only reason I haven't slept with him is that I'm...scared. Scared he might tell me I was a good fuck and then leave. The other reason is that I want it to be filled with love, not lust. I needed to decide. Was I going to tell him and take the risk of being rejected, or was I going to be a pussy ass bitch and keep my mouth shut? You only live once, right? So I should probably just say it. But goddamn rejection is a scary thing.
Socializing with people I don't know is still a struggle for me. Social anxiety and all. But the people just kept on coming and coming and coming. It was like a never-ending line of people walking through the door. Ryder was trying to make me jealous. I could tell by the way he looked at me and then held other women close. And boy, was it working. Two can play at that game.
Walking up to a random stranger, we started a conversation. Where we're from and all the basics. He was a good-looking guy, but nothing compared to Ryder. Soon enough, the guy who's name I forgot was being called, and they left me alone. Ryder seemed to be having a good time.
It felt like, with every passing second, more and more people were showing up. And it felt like the walls were closing in. I felt like I was suffocating. I needed space, and I needed it now. Pushing my way through the crowd, I make my way to Ryder's room and close the door breathing heavily.
Breathe, Ari. Breathe.
Even though I was alone, I still felt like the walls were closing in. Like the room was getting smaller and smaller.
Breathe, Ari. Breathe.
I was breathing, and I was alone. Backing into a corner, I slide down against the wall, closing my eyes and hoping the sound of a beating drum would go away.
Breathe, Ari. Breathe.
Ryder's P.O.V
Ari enjoys being a tease. She enjoys driving me insane. Loves it, actually. I feel like I have proven to her I care about her too much to just leave her. God knows I want to claim her body as mine, but I want to do this at her pace. On her terms. But goddamn, this woman knows how to drive me mad.
She looks amazing in that dress. Too amazing. Guys won't be able to keep their eyes to themselves. But I meant what I said to her in our room. It'll be her that's begging for me, not the other way around. And how does one go about making a woman crave you? Simple. You make her jealous. Jealousy is such a powerful thing. Trust me, I have no interest in any of the women here, but that doesn't mean I couldn't make her just a bit jealous.
Walking up to a random girl, I strike up a conversation with her. Boy, did she love to run her mouth. She smelt like burnt hair and strong perfume. Looking over at Ari, I see her looking at me. Jealousy clear on her face, she walks over to a business partner of mine and talks to him. Before long, my business partner is called away.
Before anyone else could approach her, I noticed something. Something wasn't right. She looked like she was about to cry. Oh no. It's probably because I'm not with her right now. Way to fucking go, Ryder. I see Ari rush upstairs and excuse myself from Miss Plastic. When I get up to my room, I see Ari in a corner with her head in her hands as she tells herself to breathe.
"Hey, hey. I'm right here. What's wrong?" I ask, crouching down in front of her.
"Why don't you go back to that wannabe, Kylie Jenner. She seemed to enjoy your company," she says. Yep. Jealousy is a powerful thing.
"Baby, I was only talking to her to make you jealous. To prove that it would be you begging for me, not the other way around. This is something else though. It's not because you're jealous. Something else is wrong," I say.
"There are too many people here. Too many. I feel like the walls are closing in on me. Like I'm suffocating," she says. She's having a panic attack.
"Baby, I need you to focus on me, ok? I'm the only one here with you now. It's just me and you. Close your eyes and take slow, deep breaths for me," I say, sitting next to her and holding her hand. Taking my advice, she closes her eyes, and her breaths slow.
"Are you ok now?" I ask. Nodding her head, she leans against my shoulder. "I'm going to kick some people out. Don't go anywhere," I say.
"You don't have to. It's your party. I can stay up here," she replies.
"Fuck that. You're more important," I reply. Heading downstairs, I kick out about 75% of the people that were at my house. Walking back up to my room, I hold my hand out to Ari.
"Do you want to come downstairs now? I kicked a lot of people out," I ask. Nodding her head, she takes my hand and we walk downstairs together. The countdown was about to begin in five minutes.
"Is this better?" I ask her.
"Much. You didn't have to do this you know," she replies, leaning back on me.
"Ari, you're amazing. And I'm so happy I met you and have you in my life. You've changed me for the better and I'm so grateful for that. Everything about you is amazing and you make me so happy," I say.
"Ryder..." she says with a worried look on her face. Dear God, she thought I was breaking up with her.
"Ari, I love you," I say. I finally said it. Those three unspoken words. I could have sworn on my life that the biggest smile I had ever seen was on her face when I said them.
"I love you too, Ryder," she replies, leaning up to kiss me.
"Happy New Year!" we hear in the background, but neither of us cared. This kiss was unlike any other we had shared. It was filled with love.
I don't think I could have been happier