Chapter Sixty-Four:
Bryce's POV
"All right, Bryce. That should be good for now. Nice work."
I can only hear Robert's voice through my headphones as I'm in the recording booth and he's on the other side of the glass wall from me.
I turn to face him and nod before slipping off the headphones, then resting them on the music stand in front of me. Turning on my heel, I head out of the booth and into the rest of the studio. I leave the glass door open behind me as I move to the back of the room to sit down next to Lydia on the leather sectional sofa against the back wall.
As soon as I sit, leaning back against the cushions, she rests her hand on my thigh. "My turn?" she asks me, her emerald green eyes meeting mine when she turns to face me.
"Yep," I respond, reaching up to brush a stray piece of her fiery red hair back behind her ear.
At this, she squeezes my thigh and then stands up from her seat on the couch. She kisses me on the cheek and then turns to kiss Theodore on the cheek before giving us both a small wave and heading over to where Robert is sitting, right in front of the recording booth with everybody that's working on mixing sound.
Lydia, Theodore, and I have been in the studio for a few hours already today. We've been recording a couple of demos of songs by songwriters that frequently work with Robert and his label, and at the moment, we're working on a track that Lydia and I are on.
We just came back into the studio after taking a lunch break in one of the meeting rooms. Even though Theodore has nothing to do with this song, he's still hanging around to support Lydia as I'm fairly certain that something is going on between them.
I highly doubt that any of these songs will ever be finished and polished to the point where they'll be released, but since today is Lydia, Theodore, and I's first day off university for the summer, Robert had us all come into the studio for the first time just to practice being in the studio environment.
I really do enjoy being in the studio, and it feels like something that I've been working towards for a very long time is finally becoming a reality, yet at the same time, I really fucking miss Lexi right now.
I just think she would be so proud of me. She was so excited when I initially told her that I was going to be recording music, and I know that she would love to hear that it's finally happening.
I also just wish that after all of this, I could go home to her tonight. I wish that I would still be able to open the door to the apartment and hear her hurried footsteps straight away, running towards me so that she could jump right up into my arms.
That was my favourite part of the days where she got home before me.
But now, I'm just desperate to be able to go home and tell her about my day. I somehow managed to forget how fucking dreadful it is to go back to an empty apartment every night during the time that Lexi and I lived together, but now that I live alone again, it really is terrible to be surrounded by nothing but your own thoughts when at home.
I remember the night where I truly felt the loneliest very distinctly. It was exactly two weeks after Lexi and I broke up, and when I got home that day, I didn't bother making dinner.
I just dropped all of my things at the door and went straight into my bathroom. I took off all my clothes and then turned on the shower, making the water run so hot that it was painful to touch.
Nonetheless, I stepped into the shower and let the steaming hot water pour down on me. I liked the fact that it burned my skin and I found the feeling sort of soothing.
I probably stood under the scalding water for about and hour before I finally shut the water off. I stepped out of the shower and dried my body off without much care before heading into my bedroom, exhausted.
I didn't bother getting dressed. I just climbed into bed, laid down on my back under the covers, and I cried.
I cried so hard that my whole body shook. I can't be sure why all of my emotions suddenly hit me all at once, but I can only assume it was because I had been holding back all of my feelings for the past two weeks.
I cried because I broke Lexi's heart, and now, she's no longer in love with me.
I cried because I'm the reason Brittany killed herself.
I cried because my dad is disappointed in me, even though he's tried not to show it.
And I cried because fuck, I want Lexi back.
I know that I'm only nineteen, and that I technically have a fuck ton of time in my life to fall in love again, but I can tell already that that's not going to happen.
I just know that Lexi is my soulmate. She's the love of my life, and it wouldn't be fair for me to have a relationship with any other woman because my heart will always belong to Lexi.
There was a point in time that I became so desperate that I considered actually asking Lexi to move back in with me, just as friends.
Well, maybe 'friends' is too strong of a word. I know that Lexi hates me—and I think that her feelings are completely justified—but I miss having her around so much more than I ever could have anticipated missing her.
I spent a few hours one night practicing a speech about how she could have the spare bedroom all to herself, how I wouldn't bother her when she needs alone time, how I would cook for her every day and make sure she always has everything that she needs, and how I would never initiate anything between us.
I got to a point where I genuinely believed that maybe, if I met up with Blossom and told her all of this, she would agree. I didn't even know if this truly would be better for me than simply being apart for her, but I wanted it so desperately that I didn't even care.
Unfortunately, when I woke up the next morning, I felt ridiculous and stupid and so I didn't end up contacting her at all.
We really haven't spoken to one another over the past two months. I always hope that maybe, I'll run into her somewhere, but that still hasn't happened yet. A part of me thinks that I should just text her, ask how she's doing, and see how she reacts, but I don't think I should be the one contacting her, since she's the one who ended things and clearly needs space from me.
I just miss her so badly. I really wish, more than anything, that I could go back and do everything differently.
Somebody is suddenly tapping me on the shoulder.
I spin around to face Theodore, who is looking at me with a worried expression on his face. "You all right, Bryce?"
I clear my throat. "Yeah. I was just thinking. About my ex-girlfriend. Lexi. Do you remember her?"
Theodore nods. "Yeah. I remember her. I remember that I was stunned by how beautiful she looked. She was very sweet, too."
My hands clench into fists, just for a moment, upon hearing someone talk about how pretty they think Lexi is.
"She's incredible. I haven't spoken to her since we broke up but I've been considering contacting her just to see how she's doing," I confess.
Theodore leans back in his seat, raising an eyebrow at me. "I doubt it's good for you to be thinking about an ex-girlfriend as often as you do. I don't even think about any of my ex-girlfriends at all."
I resist the urge to roll my eyes at this. "You clearly weren't actually in love with any of them, then."
Theodore chuckles. "Maybe not. But how do you know if you're actually in love with a girl, anyway?"
I stare down at my wrist, at the Jane Austen tattoo that I got because it reminds me of Lexi.
"You just know," I respond blankly.
Theodore remains silent for a few moments after this. I eventually assume that our conversation is over, and so I make a move to retrieve my phone from my pocket.
"Bryce?" Theodore says suddenly.
I turn to look at him.
"Lydia and I are meeting up with a few of my friends for dinner and drinks at my apartment tonight. You're more than welcome to come," Theodore then offers.
"So now you're treating me like a charity case?" I ask blandly.
I don't know how I expected Theodore to respond to this, but I certainly didn't expect him to laugh, which is exactly what he does.
"Whatever you say. We're going to my place directly from here, so you can come with us then," he answers before he abruptly stands up from his seat and heads towards the front of the room, where everybody else is sitting in front of the recording booth.
Most of them have headphones on, excluding Robert, and so Theodore goes to stand next to him. They begin conversing with each other at a volume too low for me to hear from where I'm sitting, and so I just reach into my pocket for my phone.
My breath catches as soon as the lock screen lights up, though.
It's a photo of Lexi and I that she took a few days before we broke up, when we were laying in bed together. It's a selfie of us laying on our backs, Lexi's head resting on my shoulder. She's sticking her tongue out at the camera with a dorky grin on her face, and I'm looking down at her with an amused expression and one of my eyebrows raised.
She giggled so much while examining the photo after she took it that I couldn't possibly stop her when she unlocked my phone and set the picture as my wallpaper.
Fuck, I miss her so much. I really should just call her and see what happens.
Before I can even consider following through with this plan, Robert is calling out for me across the room.
"Bryce, can we get some help over here? You have a good ear for these things," he requests.
With a sigh, I slip my phone back into my pocket, stand up from the couch, and make my way towards Robert.
A/N: THANK YOU GUYS FOR HALF A MILLION READS ON SOMETHING THERE OH MY GOD I'M SO GRATEFUL AND I CAN'T BELIEVE IT AHHHH!!!
I've been posting chapters daily for a few days in a row now, and I'm very happy about it/very proud of myself!!! I hope you guys are enjoying all the content <3
How does everybody feel about Lydia so far? She's going to play a pretty big role in the story eventually ;)