Integra Hellsing woke up as she always did at 5am. She exercised, she showered, and she dressed. She decided to forgo breakfast today as she still had a lot of paperwork to do about last night's mission.
It was 8 am when Walter brought Integra her tea, the morning paper, and a baby bottle. Integra watched as Walter set her tea and paper down and then raised an eyebrow at him as he set down the baby bottle.
"Walter, why is my milk in a baby bottle?" she asked, as she stared at the bottle.
"That bottle is not for your sir. It is for George." corrected Walter, as he tested it on his arm.
"Whose George?"
"Whose George? Good lord, sir. Have you forgotten about her already? George is your daughter."
"My what?" Integra exclaimed, as she dropped her teacup back down onto the saucer with a none to gentle clang.
"George Victoria Hellsing, your adopted daughter." stated Walter plainly, as if giving an afternoon lecture. "You and Alucard agreed to..."
"So that's what we were fighting about." remembered Integra, finally recalling the mental image of her and Alucard yelling at each other about something.
Walter just looked at Integra with disbelief as she fought to bring the memory forward. "You seriously forgot? That quickly?"
"Like I pay any attention to Alucard and his crazy ideas."
Walter just smiled at her and shook his head. "To refresh your memory sir, you and Alucard agreed to adopt Baby George. You and I are to care for her during the day. Alucard and Seras are to care for her at night."
"Why did I agree to that?"
"Because you need the practice and because officer Victoria practically begged you to keep her."
"She wants a sister that badly?" asked Integra, as she sat there just staring at the baby bottle and thinking of all that it implied.
"Yes, sir. She does. You must remember that Seras was an only child."
"So was I." Integra added, in her defense. "I don't remember begging mum and father for siblings."
"If I may ask, and I must, where is George?" asked Walter. Concern and worry overcame him as he looked around for her.
"I don't know." stated Integra, as she went back to work. "Where did you leave her?"
"You don't know?! Sir, isn't she in your room?"
"I didn't see her." said Integra, trying to remember if there was anyone else in her room.
"Come along sir, Let's go find her." said Walter, taking Integra by the arm, as he put the baby bottle in his pocket.
"But..." protested Integra, as she allowed Walter to guide her back to her room.
Walter opened the door to her room and turned on the lights. Integra scanned the room and there in the far corner against the wall was a baby crib. As Integra walked over to the crib to look inside, Walter opened her drapes, tied them back, and opened the windows for some fresh air.
As soon as the light hit her, George began to gurgle and play. Integra cautiously looked inside the crib. Silently hoping that there would be nothing there. But, the crib wasn't empty. Baby George lay there on her back and playing with her toes. Integra balked at the child in the morning light. She was at least six or seven months old. She had soft black hair and bright blue eyes. She had a pert little nose, tiny hands, and small little feet. George seemed to be happily playing by herself and her cheeks puffed up when she smiled. She was...a baby.
"A baby....in my house." Integra pondered, with anxiousness.
Hearing Integra's voice, George looked up at her and smiled. She wiggled, and kicked, and cooed at Integra.
"You see sir, she likes you." Walter commented with a fatherly smile.
Integra jumped out of reflex as Walter stood behind her. "You were serious." she sighed heavily, as she just stared at George. "I was sorely hoping that you were kidding."
Walter ignored her last comment. "Good Morning George, Did you sleep well?" asked Walter, giving her tummy a tickle. George giggled at him. "Ill take that as a yes. Alright sir, the first thing you have to do is to change her. She'll be wet."
"What?!! Why me?" Integra balked at him. Color was draining quickly from her face as a morbid fear set in.
"Because you're her mother, sir."
"But...." began Integra, desperately trying to think up an excuse. "I only agreed to keep it, I didn't say anything about raising it myself."
"Sir, you have to learn to do this." urged Walter.
"Why?"
"Because someday you will be doing this for your own children. If it helps just think of it as a hands on training course."
"Isn't this part of your job?" asked Integra, running over a Butler's job description in her head.
"No sir. I'm the butler, Not the nanny." he stated matter of factly.
"Oh, yes. Now I remember. OK then just requisition one." said Integra, heading towards the door. "Anything to get back to work."
"If I do that sir," said Walter slyly, with his hands behind his back. "The Queen and the Knights of the Table will want to know why you need one."
That did it. Integra Hellsing stopped dead in her tracks, did an about face, and walked back to Walter. Walter just nodded towards the crib. Integra walked over to it and just stared at George again.
"Umm."
"She won't bite." said Walter, with a chuckle, as he watched Integra look at George like a snake. "She hasn't any teeth...yet. Just pick her up and take her to the changing table."
Integra Hellsing sucked it up, reached into the crib and picked up George. Walter just shook his head at Integra as she held the child at arm's length.
"You can hold her a little closer to you sir." He suggested.
"Why?"
"So you don't drop her."
"I won't." said Integra, walking over to the changing table, still holding George at arm's length.
"Alright sir, now place her down on the table." instructed Walter.
Integra did so.
"Good, now turn her over. She needs to be on her back for you to change her."
Integra turned George over. George giggled. She liked this game. So she rocked, and kicked, and twisted until she rolled over.
"Hee hee hee." gurgle George.
"Now what?" asked Integra, as she waited for further instructions.
"Turn her back over. She must be on her back for you to remove her diaper."
Integra reached out and turned George over. George giggled, kicked, and rolled over again.
Integra just growled at her blatant disobedience. "Seriously."
"She's just playing with you sir. She thinks it's a game." said Walter, deeply amused by Integra's frustration.
Integra turned George over once again. "Stay!" she demanded.
George giggled and kicked, but this time took to chewing on her toes. Satisfied that George would stay put this time, Integra walked off. That's when Walter grabbed her by her coattail.
"Where are you going sir?" he questioned her seriously, with a disapproving look.
"To get the diapers, powder and stuff." said Integra, as she looked down at the coat tails that Walter was holding her by.
"A mother does not leave her child unattended. George might roll over and fall off of the changing table."
"OK, but one I am not her mother and two, you're here. You watch her. I'll be right back."
"We shall have to move the diapers, wipes, and powder to this side of the room." commented Walter, making a mental note, as he let go of Integra's coat.
George stopped chewing on her toes and now tried to put her whole little fist into her mouth. Then she grunted and made a face. Walter noticed.
"Oh George, you are a naughty little girl. You're really making things hard for Integra today, aren't you?" smiled Walter.
He quickly hid his smile as Integra returned with the changing things. Immediately George rolled over and started chewing on the diaper.
Integra snatched the diaper from her. "Don't chew on that. That is going on your bum."
Hurt, but undaunted, George reached for the powder. That too Integra grabbed and moved out of George's reach. That's when George started with the crocodile tears.
"Stop it." commanded Integra. "Vampire Hunters do not cry."
George just kept on crying and trying to reach for the baby powder.
"Maybe if you tried distracting her with a toy." offered Walter.
"Walter, this is my room. There are no toys in here." Integra shot back at him. Then Integra remembered how fascinated George was with Walter's monocle. She took the monocle from Walter and handed it to George. "Here, chew on this."
George stopped crying and took the monocle. She moved it from one little hand to the other, and then she put it into her mouth.
"There, that was easy." smirked Integra, as she went back to preparing to change George's diaper.
Walter was a little miffed by her bold move, but he let it pass as he remembered that George has a surprise for her mother.
"OK, now that she is distracted. First we use the hand sanitizer. Then we remove George's diaper." Walter told her.
Integra did as she was told. She used the hand sanitizer and rubbed it into her hands. Then she set about taking off George's diaper by removing the sticky plastic tabs. Integra was feeling quite pleased with herself as she pulled the diaper open.
"Oh my God! What the hell?!!" she exclaimed in shock and horror, as she just stared at the amount of crap that George's diaper contained. "How can one so small make a mess so large....and rancid?"
"George made boom boom." said Walter, with a slight smirk.
"Boom Boom?! This is a bigger mess than that crazy ass Nazi Major made with his army of vampires!"
"Well, here." said Walter, as he handed her a wet wipe. "Let's get started."
"Like hell, I need a hazmat suit for this clean up." Integra complained, as she waved her hand in front of her nose trying to eliminate the smell.
"Come now sir, mothers have been doing this for generations."
"Ugh." groaned Integra, as she pulled the diaper completely off George. She wrapped it up and dropped it into the trashcan. She flinched as she heard the diaper hit the bottom of the can with a thud. "That was a lot of crap."
Walter just hid a laugh by clearing his throat. He also held the wet wipe for Integra while she cleaned George up. "Nooks and Crannies to sir. She must be clean or she may get a rash."
"Yes, fine." She grunted, as she took another wipe and tried to reach every crevice. Finally satisfied that George was clean, Integra took the baby powder and gave George a good dusting.
"Not so much sir," scolded Walter. "She's a baby, not a pastry."
"After the mess that she just made, she needs the extra freshness." complained Integra, as she put the powder down and reached for the new diaper.
Suddenly, George sneezed and buggers came out her nose. Unbothered by it, George continued to play with Walter's monocle.
"Looks like, you'll be cleaning both ends today sir." laughed Walter, handing Integra a tissue.
"Can I at least finish with this end first?" she requested gruffly, as she tried to get a wiggling George into the new diaper.
Walter smiled and took pity on Integra. "Alright, I'll clean this end and you clean that one."
Walter took to trying to clean George's nose, but she didn't want it cleaned. And as babies do, she turned away from Walter. She turned her head away from him twice before he used his other hand to hold her head as he tried to wipe her nose. But George wasn't having this and if she couldn't wiggle her head away from him, then she'd wiggle her whole body. This though, did not sit well with Integra who was still trying to diaper the other end.
"Damn you, hold still!" she demanded, as she tried to pull George's leg back into the diaper. "Walter, you're not helping."
"Sorry sir," smiled Walter, wadding up the tissue and throwing it away. "I'm done now."
Integra went back to trying to diaper George, but fed up with George's wiggling, she rested her whole arm on George's stomach, thereby making it impossible for her to move. George didn't like this either and started crying.
"Oh shut up and hold still. I'm almost done." said Integra, finally pulling George's second leg through and putting the second sticky tab into place. "There, the war is over and I am victorious." crowed Integra, as she took sanitizer and wiped her hands again.
"Sir?" said Walter, this time out right laughing at her.
"What? It's on isn't it?"
"Yes sir, but it's on backwards."
Integra's face and shoulders dropped as she looked at the diaper. "Damn. Well, don't blame me. She kept moving." said Integra, as she walked away.
"Sir?"
"What now? I have real work to do." she complained.
Walter took the baby bottle out of his pocket and held it up. "You still have to feed her."
"I have to feed her too?"
"She needs her breakfast."
"Why? I haven't had any." chuckled Integra, as she took the bottle from Walter.
George's eyes lit up and she dropped the monocle as Integra handed her the bottle. George put the bottle in her mouth and sucked it down with fervor.
"Poor little thing was hungry." commented Walter, with a smile, as he watched George suck down her bottle. "Of course, she had to wait so long for her mother to change her."
"Walter, not one more word out of you." growled Integra, as she waited for George to finish her bottle. Then she looked at her watch. "Is there anything more after this, because I have to get back to work."
"Oh yes, sir. After she finishes her bottle, you have to burp her."
"Burp her?"
"Yes, sir. Keeps the air bubbles out of her system. And then there's playtime..."
"Playtime?"
"And then in about two or three hours, you'll have to change her again."
"Why?"
"Because she'll be wet again. Honestly Sir Integra, did they really never cover any of this in your home etc class in school?"
"Who the hell took home etc? I took motor shop. One, I had you. and Two, since when do vampire hunters need to know how to raise children?"
"Oh for heavens sakes," groaned Walter, as he started to leave the room.
"Wait a minute, where are you going?" asked Integra, not wanting to be left alone with the baby.
"I have chores to do also. First, I must check the library and see if we have any books on child rearing."
"We don't." said Integra plainly. "Trust me."
"And then I must re-inventory the kitchen to include food for George as well."
"Not through the regular channels, you're not. The queen approves our budget."
"Then you'll have to go shopping and use petty cash." suggest Walter.
"I will not. Someone might see me. Send Seras. She loves doing it."
"Sir, George is your responsibility during the day." reminded Walter.
"Then send Seras at night."
At first, George just listened to the banter as she drank her milk. But now it was all gone. So...
Walter and Integra both turned their attention back to George when they heard a thump. George had tossed her baby bottle out of the crib.
Integra bent down and picked it up. She gave it back to George. "Well, she made short work of that."
Before Integra got the sentence out of her mouth, George tossed the bottle out again. Again, Integra picked it up.
"Stop that." she demanded.
George just looked at her, smiled, and tossed it out again. Integra watched it hit the floor and roll away.
"I'm not picking it up again. You threw it down there. You pick it up." she told George.
"Sir, she's seven months old." Walter chuckled.
When she didn't get it back, George looked up at Integra. Integra's face was stern. Then George's eyes began to tear up, her little lip quivered, and she started crying again.
"Whaaa."
"No. I'm not picking it up again." said Integra, as she crossed her arms.
George kept crying and grew louder and louder.
"Oh fine, here." she said, picking up the bottle yet again, and giving it to George. "Now shut it."
George stopped crying, put the bottle back into her mouth, and sucked on it again. But it was still empty. So she tossed it back out again.
Integra's brow furrowed. "She's mocking me. Isn't she?" asked Integra, as she watched George giggle and wiggle and chew on her toes.
Walter just smiled at Integra and tried to suppress another round of laughter. "Either that or she's still hungry and she's demanding another bottle of milk."
"Bullocks, I've got real work to do." she said, as she turned and walked out of the room.
Walter and George just watched her leave. George's little lip started to pout again.
"Come on George." said Walter, as he picked up George, placed her over his shoulder, and burped her. "You've tortured your mother enough this morning."
George burped and then she tried to wiggle, but the diaper didn't move with her. Walter noticed.
"Well, first things first. Let's get your diaper put on the right way round, shall we?"