"Next time I want you to pass it earlier. I can't always give considerations, Miss Courez," matabang na sambit ng babaeng propesor ko matapos tanggapin ang pinasa kong portfolio.
"Yes, Miss. I'm sorry again and thank you." I bowed slightly and closed my eyes tightly.
Natapos din for today.
Naiiyak na ako sa pagod. Gusto ko na lang humiga sa kama ko at isang linggong matulog. School is exhausting me so much!
I was driving my way back home when my phone vibrated.
"Still at school?" pambungad na tanong ni Ishmael kaya napapreno akong bigla.
"I'm... I'm actually driving my way back home. Buti tumawag ka." I chuckled nervously before taking a turn. "Nawala sa isip ko 'yong dinner natin, pasensiya na."
"No, no, it's okay. Do you want to go home and rest instead?" I mentally slapped my face before glancing at the clock.
It's already 7:14 in the evening and our dinner was supposed to be at six! Nakakahiya!
"I'll be there in a sec." Pinatay ko ang tawag at mas binilisan ang pagmamaneho.
Hindi naman ito ang unang beses na na-late ako sa dinner namin at napaghihintay ko siya. Madalas nga ay na-ca-cancel pa 'yon dahil sa sobrang pagod ko rin talaga sa school.
Actually this is just a make up dinner dahil na-cancel 'yong lakad sana namin last Saturday because I had to finish designing my project under Shanez.
"Good evening, Miss Courez! Mr. Fernandez has been waiting for an hour now, this way please." Salubong sa 'kin ng isa sa mga waiters na kilala na rin 'ata ako dahil sa dalas namin dito ni Ishmael. She has this smile of relief on her face, siguro dahil sa wakas ay dumating na ako at hindi na maghihintay ng mas matagal ang paborito nilang customer.
Iginiya niya ako sa favorite spot namin ni Ishmael—a table in the veranda. Paborito kong dito nauupo dahil nakaka-relax pagmasdan ang makulay na siyudad ng Paris sa gabi. Idagdag pang tanaw na tanaw rito ang Eiffel Tower!
"I'm really, really sorry for making you wait, Ishmael." I smiled shyly after giving him a peck on his cheek.
Agad naman niya akong ipinaghila ng upuan at ginawaran din ng magaang halik sa pisngi bago siya bumalik sa upuan niya.
"It's okay." Tapos ay pinasadahan niya ako ng tingin. Ramdam ko ang pag-init ng mga pisngi ko dahil sa hiya. I probably look like a mess right now! Hindi man lang ako nakapag-retouch! "Your professor's being hard on you again?" nakataas ang kilay na aniya.
Right. Hindi naman ito ang unang beses na nahirapan ako sa mga pinapagawa niya. Lagi naman.
"Ewan ko ba kung bakit ang sungit niya pagdating sa 'kin! Can you believe that she made me redesign half of the designs in my portfolio in just four hours? Okay naman daw ang designs ko sabi ni Mommy at ng iba kong prof?" I sighed then pouted. Nakakaiyak talaga siya.
"I think your Mom needs to have a word with her. It's been two years and she's still like that." kunot ang noong suhestiyon niya. With his menacing look and clenching jaw, I can say that my professor is starting to piss him off, too, big time.
Pabiro ko siyang inirapan at sumandal sa upuan ko. "Oh, come on, Ishmael. I'm already twenty and turning twenty one next month. Nakakahiya kung magsusumbong pa ako kay Mommy!" And then I laughed.
Knowing her, I know she'll fly back here immediately to talk to my dean! My imagination made me remember a scene from the movie I've watched where a Mom angrily threw a fit in the principal's office because the teacher is giving her son a really hard time. The thought of Mom doing the same makes me cringe.
Though, never once I saw Mom lost her poise. She can probably do it in a classical, Courez style. But I can't risk it.
"Really, it's okay. I can handle it."
"It's not okay for me. She has always been the reason why our dinner is getting canceled or postponed. She's ruining most of my nights," anito sa mapait na tono.
Nakagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi ko dahil sa pagkamangha. Nakakagulat pa rin na ang clingy talaga sa 'kin nitong si Ishmael. Kahit siguro ang iba ay magugulat kung sakaling makita nila ang ganitong side ni Ishmael for the first time.
I know because the first time that our eyes met, I literally wanted to run for the hills. Wala sa itsura niya ang kaya maging soft at clingy! I thought he's all about powers and authority!
Panandalian kaming natahimik dahil sine-serve na ang mga pagkain. Nang matapos sila ay 'saka ko lang inopen 'yong topic na kating-kati na akong mapag-usapan.
"I've heard that your contract has ended already. May plano ka bang umuwi sa Pilipinas?" I raised my brow. Hindi na rin naman ako magugulat kung uuwi nga siya, Fernandez Magazines need him. Although balita ko maganda ang performance n'on simula n'ong nirelease ang November issue at kami ang cover n'on. And it's now under Isaac's hands!
"Do you want me to?" seryosong aniya habang nakatitig pa rin sa mga mata ko. Natakot tuloy akong sumagot dahil mukhang gagawin talaga niya kung ano mang sasabihin ko.
I pouted. Honestly speaking, I don't want him to go back to the Philippines yet. Nasanay kasi akong mas madalas siyang kasama kumpara sa mga pinsan ko na kasama ko lang naman sa iisang bubong pero madalang kong makita. I'll surely miss our Saturday hang outs, our dinners together, ang pagsasama niya sa 'kin sa site kapag hindi ako busy... argh, iniisip ko pa lang na 'di na mauulit ay namimiss ko na agad.
"I'm asking you, do you want me to go back to the Philippines?"
"Ayoko. Baka mamiss mo kasi ako, e," I replied before grinning so he would think I'm just playing around. Nahihiya ako maging straight forward sa kaniya!
Hindi sumagot si Ishmael pero nakangiting umiling bago muling binalingan ang kaniyang pagkain.
"Oh, my. You smiled!" I exclaimed out of shock. Nag-angat siya ng tingin, nakangiti pa rin. "You're still smiling at me, Ishmael!"
"I'm not a robot, Sharlayne. I know how to smile." Then he shrugged his shoulders as if informing me that this is not a big deal.
"Pangalawang beses mo pa lang akong nginingitian sa loob ng apat taon nating magkakilala!" Halos yugyugin ko ang lamesa dahil nakangiti pa rin si Ishmael. Nagsisisi tuloy ako na iniwan ko sa kotse ang cellphone ko! I should have captured this moment!
I sighed dreamily. A smiling Ishmael will be the reason for my heart attacks. Nanggugulat, e. Ni wala nga siyang nakangiting picture sa internet at maging sa mga magazine issues na kasali siya!
"Dapat lagi kang ngumingiti, Ishmael. Mas bagay sa 'yo."
"Really? Do you want me to smile more often?"
"Wow, of course I do!" May himala 'ata at nagkaroon ng ganitong offer si Ishmael! Sawa na ba siyang sumimangot lagi?! "What can I do to always see your smile?" I raised my brow and bit my lower lip. Grab the chance, minsan lang 'to!
"Mahalin mo ako pabalik."
I froze on my seat. Literally. Nabitiwan ko rin ang mga kubyertos ko at napaawang ang mga labi ko sa gulat. Nananaginip ba ako?
"N-Nagtagalog ka..." I mumbled, hirap maka-recover sa narinig.
Sinong hindi magugulat nang husto, e ngayon ko lang narinig magtagalog si Ishmael! As in ngayon lang!
Naiiyak ako. I feel like a proud Momma because my son finally had his first words.
"I'm a Filipino, what do you expect?" Pilosopong guwapo!
Hanggang sa matapos ang dinner namin ay kinukulit ko siyang magtagalog ulit pero ayaw niya!
"Please, please, Ishmael, kahit isang word lang!" But he shook his head for the nth time! "Ang sungit mo, nakakainis ka!"
"I'm not comfortable, Sharlayne. English is my mother tongue. And I feel like... you're laughing at me," humina ang boses niya sa huli niyang sinabi kaya napalabi ako. Is he shy? Sa laki niyang 'yan, mahihiya siya sa 'kin?
Hinatid ako ni Ishmael sa sasakyan ko bago muling nagsalita. "You don't have classes tomorrow, right?" I nodded, still pouting. Baka maawa sa 'kin, e. Hehe. "Up for a sleepover?" Pinanatili ko ang pagkakanguso ko kahit na gusto ko na talagang ngumiti. Last month pa kasi 'yong huling sleepover ko sa kanila kaya na-excite ulit ako!
"Hindi na. Uuwi na lang ako." Tumikhim pa ako at umiwas ng tingin, kunwaring nagtatampo dahil hindi napagbigyan.
Ugh, Layne, parang bata! You're already twenty just in case you've forgotten!
Ishmael stepped closer and held me on my waist. Nahigit ko ang paghinga ko nang tumama ang dibdib ko sa kaniya at naramdaman ko ang isa niyang kamay na nilalagay ang ilang takas na buhok ko sa likod ng aking tenga.
"Please, Layne? Miss kita, e."
Sinabi ko bang hindi ako sasama? Joke lang 'yon. Marupok ako, e.
What's with my thoughts? I sound like Nicolae na.
Speaking of that cousin of mine, I haven't heard from her for a year now. I wonder what keeps her occupied.
"Ice cream or popcorn?" he asked. Manonood siguro ulit kami ng movie.
"Ice cream will do. I'm stressed out." Pabiro ko pang ginulo ang buhok ko bago umakyat para makapagpalit na.
My room here is the room in front of Ishmael's room. It's theme is pastel pink. Sa sobrang dalas ko rito ay inayos na 'to ni Ishmael. He had the walls painted pink and changed almost all of the furnitures to what I like. Parang second home ko na 'to rito sa Paris.
I have so many memories here. Dito ako lumalagi kapag gusto ko mapag-isa o gusto kong umiyak. I have a queen-sized bed, some couches then a huge television. Right beside the door is my study table with a shelf on the side. Naroon din ang iba kong gamit sa pagpinta o pagguhit. This is my safe haven, indeed.
I headed to my walk-in closet which is connected to the bathroom to take a quick bath. I feel sticky after having a long day. But it's okay, Layne, one more year na lang naman ay graduate na ako. I'll work in our company after and make my own name in this industry. After few years Mom will turn over the company to me so I will have to do my best to keep it soaring. But that means I will have to stay here in France... longer? Or for good? Pero puwede naman akong magbakasyon sa Pilipinas if I want to.
Wala na rin naman akong babalikan doon.
I shook my head aggressively to remove the negative thoughts that are starting to consume me. What am I saying? Lae and the rest of the Perez family are on the Philippines, of course may babalikan ako. Si Isaac pa! Although he visits me here din naman. I have made few friends back then, siguro naman ay kilala pa ako nina Forve at Cris.
"And Kiro, right?" I whispered lowly before grabbing the towel. Am I hoping? Maybe. A bit. I think so. Kasi bago ako umalis he was asking for another chance. It was me who refused to give him another chance to prove himself.
Bakit ko ba siya biglang naalala? Hindi naman na masakit pero mahirap pa rin talaga kasi kalahati ng buhay ko kasama ko siya. Nakakalungkot kapag naaalala ko 'yong best friend ko. I had a real hard time starting a new life. But it's all worth it. I can finally smile now without worrying that any time I could lose an important thing I never wanted to lose. Without entertaining the thoughts of not being enough at nights. I'm happy and contented, that's enough reason to be glad that we still parted ways.
Suddenly, Ismael crossed my mind. On how he stayed by my side at my lowest and darkest times. On how he never got tired of wiping my tears or how he consoles me during my breakdowns. He was there and he still is with me.
I feel guilty all of a sudden. Back then he told me he likes me. Earlier, he mentioned something about love.
But then again, why me? He's one of the hottest bachelors! He can get anyone he likes! Someone older and more mature perhaps? A model? Co-architect? Business women? Bakit ako na nag-aaral at immature pa?
Kahit na sinabi niya na noon kung bakit ako, 'di ko pa rin mapigilang hindi magtanong kasi hindi kapani-paniwala. There are women who are way better than I.
Matapos magpatuyo ng buhok ay agad na akong bumaba bago pa man may ibang pumasok sa isipan ko. I found Ishmael already sitting on the couch and my favorite ice cream is already placed in the coffee table.
"Hello! Sorry, matagal ba ako?" I sat next to him and grabbed the ice cream before browsing in Netflix. Ishmael would always let me pick what movie to watch since he mentioned that no particular genre interests him. Buti nga ay sinasamahan niya akong manood.
"It's fine. I just sat down anyway."
"Mmm. You up for a romantic movie?" I giggled and started browsing the romance genre even though he did not answer yet. He won't say no to me anyway.
"Where'd you get my shirt by the way? That's my shirt you're wearing, right?" he asked, pulling the sleeves of his white shirt that I got on my closet.
"I hoarded your shirts, remember? I have few left on my room here and some are in the mansion. Why? Are you out of shirts na ba?" nilingon ko siya and saw him wearing the same white shirts paired with a gray cotton shorts.
"Not really. I actually bought more in color black just in case you'd get more of my shirts." He smirked at me before placing a huge pillow on his lap, meaning he wanted me to lean over. I'd usually lay down kasi if we're having a popcorn but if we're having ice cream nakadapa lang ako. I'm way more comfortable with that position because I tend to fall asleep in the middle of watching!
Pabiro ko siya sinabunutan habang tumatawa. Sampu lang naman kinuha ko! It's very comfy kasi and oversized talaga sa 'kin. I even use it as my pantulog.
The movie that I chose is After based from Anna Todd's best selling book. It was a story of a "loyal" girlfriend who entered college, leaving her boyfriend back in their hometown. Then he met this hot guy Hardin and she seemed to be attracted. To make the story short, she cheated with Hardin. One second ago she was in bed next to her boyfriend and then after some minutes she's actually making out with Hardin in Hardin's place.
"What was that? That was stupid!" I paused the movie and aggressively got up to face Ishmael. "That's stupid, right? She has a boyfriend! She was with her boyfriend!" I turned off the television and focused on eating my ice cream to calm myself down which I eventually placed back on the coffee table because it doesn't help me get back on my senses.
"Easy, woman. That's just a story, all right?" Ishmael pulled my waist before fixing my hair. "She's just confused. She's been with her boyfriend all her life, it's normal that she'd react differently after meeting another guy who seemed to be interested in her, too. Didn't you experienced such a scenario? You have been with Kiro but you let another guy enter your life." I looked at him, surprised. For three years he mentioned nothing about Kiro and what happened before. This is the first time. And wait, is he saying that...?
"You mean you?" I tried to confirm. Bukod kasi kay Isaac ay walang ibang naging close na lalaki na sa 'kin kun'di siya. Shoot, I'm kind of guilty! We did kiss! And I really am attracted to him! Ibig sabihin I am no different with Tessa?
"Who else could it be?"
"T-That's a different story! Kiro and I were not even official!" I scoffed then looked away. Bakit ngayon ko lang na-realize 'to? "Not that official, at least. That fiancé thing was just like a made up roleplay. He has his eyes in another girl anyway!" I pouted. I don't even know if I'm making any sense right now but I wanted to defend myself. Can I use the "I was young, I didn't know what I was doing?" card kaya?
"You sounded hurt. Are you?" nanlalaki ang mga matang naibaling ko ang tingin sa kaniya. He's looking at me darkly! What did I do?
"What, no! Of course I am not. It's been years, hello! Marunong naman akong mag-move on." I let out a shaky laugh. The atmosphere is suddenly heavy. Why is he looking more serious than the usual? It's scary. "Maiba ako, never once I have heard about your other life nga pala. You should tell me about it." I wiggled my brows while smiling widely. I am changing the topic, yeah. Hindi sana mahalata.
"What other life? This is my only life. France. Fernandez Magazines. Architecture. You."
That left me speechless. His only life... includes me? Me along with his passion and priorities? He thinks of me that way? Up until now? Is he probably waiting for me? Those remarks about me loving or liking him back weren't just jokes?
Slowly, I pulled my knees together and hugged them before placing my head on top of it. I stared at the melting ice cream for a few seconds wondering why all of a sudden he's being extra vocal and why am I being extra bothered.
My tongue started exploring the insides of my mouth as I try to stop myself from spitting words that will definitely change something between us. Something he probably wanted but I feared of having to feel again. But I failed.
"Do you still want me, Ishmael?"
"I never stopped wanting you."
His response made me smile, big time. I don't even know why! I can feel my blood rushing all over my body and making me feel hot all of a sudden.
"You know what, despite our age differences, I stopped seeing you as an older brother a long time ago. I don't know if that's a good thing, though, but I feel like saying it--"
A sudden pull from Ishmael cut me off. My mouth parted in shock and before I could even mutter a word, his lips already sealed mine without any intention of letting it go. His lips moved gently and for some unknown reason mine began dancing along the rhythm of his lips. Ishmael stiffened when he felt me kissing him back but he was too quick to respond by pulling me closer to him and his other hand is grabbing my hair!
I was panting really hard when he let go of my lips but not me. Shucks, I can feel my cheeks burning, staring at him this close after we kissed!
"Telling me... that you no longer see me as an older brother... is a good thing. I don't have to hold back anymore. Date me, Miss Perez."
Is it normal that I find him extra hot now that his lips are redder than the usual while he is catching his breath...? And why do I want to... kiss him again?
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