"Where the fuck have you been?!" I roared furiously at the white wolf in front of me, who had her bowed in an apologetic manner.
Right now, I was once again standing in the vast field of grass under the never ending night sky. This place is where I found my wolf at last.
***
.
.
I'm here.
You--... where have you been?
It's.... complicated. The voice responded hesitantly, adding more to fuel to my rising anger.
"How is it complicated?" I seethed aloud, gritting my teeth both in pain and annoyance. "You're saying it as if we were back at step one, before I figured out who were werewolves."
The healing came to slow stop. "Like you're still keeping secrets from me." I finished with a slight snarl at the end of my voice.
I--... (Y/N), I'm sorry.
"So I am right. You do know the answers that no one knows, don't you?"
Yes, but please wait--
I cut her pleading voice off. "What was it you said? When all that will happen, has happened, only then will you reveal all that I wish to know? Just a whole bunch of lies, isn't it?"
No! Ziahra quickly defended herself. I stand by my words, (Y/N). I have never, and will never, break a promise! Not once, not ever, not in the thousands of years I have been alive!
My arm reached out to turn the shower on again, not reacting by the slightest as the cold water hit me. "Then prove it."
Tonight, when you sleep, you'll meet me. Ziahra explained swiftly. In the same place as before.
"And if I don't?"
You will. She will bring you there herself.
She? I paused, my eyes widening under the pouring water, all my actions brought to a halt. The Moon Goddess?
We will talk there, (Y/N). Until then.
Before I could protest, Ziahra disappeared from my conscious, sparing no tracks or trace behind. I was left alone once again, my head, shoulders and back thundered by the streaming water above.
The wolf's words echoed through my mind as I took the soap and sloppily cleaned myself. I don't understand. Why there? Why does it have to be at the goddess' place herself?
I couldn't figure out a reason. Is it because I'm a lord? Do lords always discuss things in the Moon Goddess' personal backyard? I wouldn't know. No one's ever told me.
Once I was done with the soap and shampoo, I hastily rinsed the bubbly foams away, lazily scrubbing the exterior skin almost by instinct since most of my consciousness was occupied by my thoughts.
The cold air I felt when I stepped out was a wakening jolt, to say the least. I paused by the mirror, eyes unintentionally drifting up to look at the pair of white, wet wolf ears poking out of my hair. My wet tail was heavier than usual, since the thick fur was completely soaked with water.
I thrashed it around as much I was able to, droplets of water flying all over the small room. In the end, I only managed to shake off a small amount of the total water sitting on the millionds of strands of fur.
I guess I can use a hairdryer, I thought with a shrug, bringing my gaze back to the mirror. Though I'll have to deal with it looking like a fur bomb for a whi--
I froze, my eyes fixed on a short figure barely visible in the reflection of the mirror.
The girl.
My body whirled around to the spot she was supposedly standing, only to find it empty. I checked the mirror again, shocked and a bit freaked out to see that she was indeed still there.
There was a bottle of toothpaste sitting in a (f/c) cup nearby. I took it, keeping my eyes on the little girl in the reflection, who had lost her knife, but still remained in her bloody clothes.
I aimed, using the mirror as my guide to where and what angle she stood, and tossed the bottle of toothpaste at her. The sound of the half used bottle echoed in the room, and though it sounded like it only hit the floor, I saw that it had hit the small girl.
Shit!
"I'm sorry!" I quickly apologized when I realized she was there, but only visible through the mirror. I watched her every movement like a hawk as she bent down and picked up the toothpaste, taking a few steps forward and handing it to me.
I turned around again, the toothpaste still on the floor. But in the mirror's reflection, the little girl was holding it up a few inches away, waiting for me to take it. I gulped nervously, taking a step backwards and reaching out to take it, while keeping my gaze only on the mirror.
Using the mirror as my eyes, I moved my hand to where I believed the bottle of toothpaste was being held up, and surely enough, my fingers grazed its smooth surface when I lowered them.
I checked behind me once again. It was still on the floor.
Turning back to mirror, I grabbed the bottle from her small hands and watched as the small girl lowered her arm once it was taken from her.
I turned around. The bottle of toothpaste was in my hand now, not on the floor.
Everything that was happening defied every law of nature and physics, and that scared me. I was standing at the brink of a world that cannot be explained logically, not by any doctor or professor in the world, and that terrified me.
Another nervous gulp from me was audible when I placed the toothpaste back in its rightful place, and that was when I heard her speak.
"No..."
I glanced at the mirror, hearing her sniffing and seeing her rub her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whimpered sadly, her cries only getting louder. "I didn't mean it!"
"What didn't you mean?" I asked her, fighting back all the fear I felt about the whole situation. "The murder?"
She nodded. "I'm sorry!" The girl wailed, falling down to her knees.
"Woah-!" I exclaimed, tempted to turn around, but I knew she wouldn't be there. "Who did you murder?"
My question seemed to make her even more upset, her crying getting worse as she shook her head.
"Kid."
She kept her head down and shaking from side to side, still sobbing loudly.
"Kid, answer me."
She kept her stubborn choice of not answering me. I had to know. I had to! I clenched my fists, commanding in a stern voice:
"(Y/N)!"
The girl looked up immediately, and screamed out in her hoarse voice. "THEM!"
"Who's the--" I didn't get to finish my question. The little girl, who I now knew was undoubtedly the younger version of myself, got up and stormed away, rushing through the closed door as if it never existed.
I stood in silence, gazing at the door where she disappeared with a blank face.
Ziahra? I tried calling out.
.....no response. Of course.
The towel around my body was slowly but surely slipping, and I quickly fixed it before it was too late. My thoughts were racing as I stared at the mirror. At myself.
All this time, there was a thought and the belief that the little bloody girl was just someone that looked and sounded like me. Deep down, I had been trying to convince myself that... it wasn't me.
But seeing how quickly and naturally she responded to my name being called out, I was forced to accept the fact that she really is me. No, was me.
Ever since I first saw her, there was only one question that crossed my mind.
'Who did the little girl murder?'
But now... after today's events, it's changed. If the little girl really is a vision or a glimpse of my past self, then the question turns into a more horrifying one.
One that made me look down at my clean hands, my mind beginning to make me see red on them.
'Did I.... kill someone when I was a child?'
*
The day continued with the thought embedded into my head. Meals and conversations with anyone was a blur, ending as soon as it began, with me being unable to recall anything we had talked about.
Somewhere in the afternoon, I remember sitting on a chair outside while staring blankly at the yard as I dove deep in my thoughts. Annie came to me with her phone ringing too loudly for my liking, and told me that Levi was calling.
Given any other time, I would've been more than happy to talk to him. But at that moment, I was so shocked and lost that I couldn't bring myself to speak to him. So I rejected his wish to talk and continued dwelling on the ominous question.
After that, I remember Annie trying to talk to me and ask me what was wrong, and to be honest, I can barely remember a single thing she said. Dr. Joy then came to give it a shot as well, undoubtedly failing miserably like the person before her.
It wasn't that I was purposely doing this. The world in my eyes was blurry, confusing and so foggy right now. I can't concentrate on anything. I can't keep up a conversation. I can't think about anything else than the thought of the possibility of me having have murdered someone years ago.
It was almost as if my brain stopped working properly. The train stopped moving; the rails ahead destroyed. I can't fix it. Levi can't fix it. Annie can't fix it. And Dr. Joy can't fix it either.
But I knew there was someone that could, I thought as I watched the blazing sun set on the horizon. I eagerly awaited the night and her promise, swiftly downing my food when it was given and immediately retreating to my quarters afterwards, ignoring the concerned faces of the others.
I used the toilet, brushed my teeth and prepared myself for bed. My back laid comfortably on the soft mattress as I pulled my blanket over my body while staring at the ceiling of my room.
My senses were in hyperdrive from anticipation, but I forced myself to close my eyes and wait for the familiar wave of darkness to bring me to sleep, and to take me to the place she had promised.
I don't know exactly when I drifted off to sleep, but when I opened my eyes again, I was there. Standing a few meters away from the large pond of water and clad in the same silky white gown that was too long for me.
Why do I have to be in a dress? The same thought crossed my mind, just like when I first came here.
The sound of rustling behind me caught my attention, and I turned around, meeting face to face with a white wolf sitting neatly, piercing blue eyes locked on me.
"You..."
Ziahra's ear twitched uncomfortably and she looked away, her head slightly lowering in a bow. "Forgive me."
"Where the fuck have you been?!" I roared furiously, watching as the powerful beast flinch at my angry tone.
"I've been here," Ziahra explained with a flick of her tail. "This entire time."
She finally had enough courage to look up again, her apologetic eyes meeting my blazing ones. I sighed, fighting control over my burning anger by running a hand through my hair, slightly massaging my head as I did so.
"And what were you doing here?" I asked in a softer tone, forcing myself to calm down.
"I--.." Ziahra's eyes were troubled and she was at a lost for words. Her ears were bent back as a mixture of guilt, discomfort and uncertainty took over the expression on her face.
Speaking of wolf ears, I wonder if mine were still there. I reached up, searching for it, only to find none. My tail was missing as well. Odd.
"Werewolves are made of two beings," a gentle voice spoke out from the direction of the lake.
I turned to the source, finding the goddess herself slowly walking towards me, every step filled with elegance as she carefully fixed the fallen robe on her forearm.
The Moon Goddess gazed at me with glittering sapphire orbs, soft but guarded at the same time. "A human and a wolf. When you are in the living world-"
She paused, stopping as both me and Ziahra lowered our bodies into a deep bow. "You are joint as one. But when you are here..."
I felt a tap on my shoulder, looking up to see the goddess gesturing me to rise. "You are seperated. That's why your ears and tail are missing."
Her blue eyes stared into my (e/c) ones, giving me a small nod. "The human."
She turned to Ziahra, who had straightened herself as well. "And the wolf."
I watched in awe as the god of wolves took a few steps away, further from us and the lake, glancing back at me once she stopped.
"You seem very agitated, (Y/N)," she commented with her velvet voice.
My head bowed in embarrassment. "Forgive me. I... haven't been in the greatest state of mind."
"You have no need to explain, my dear," the goddess gently assured me, swirling around so that she faced me from a distance. "I already know."
I looked up. "Y-you do?"
She nodded softly. "Yes. You wish to know about your past, correct?"
"Yes!" I nodded frantically. The Moon Goddess herself was about to tell me the truth. The truth that had been kept from me for so long.
Though she was a good distance away from me, I was still able to catch a flash of a dark expression that crossee the goddess' face- something I have never seen before.
Her eyebrows were furrowed lightly as she faced Ziahra, who was wide eyed and slightly panicked. "Are you ready, Ziahra?" She asked the unsettled wolf.
Ziahra glanced at me, anxiety swirling in her eyes as she tried to search for something in mine. I was confused, but I knew one thing.
Something didn't feel right.
Ziahra turned back to the goddess, taking a deep breath and giving a firm nod. "Yes."
I whirled back to the Moon Goddess, who was staring intently at me. "What's going on?" I demanded in the most polite way I could muster up.
The tall woman slightly lowered her face her eyes becoming more intense as she lightly ordered, "Please stay calm, (Y/N)."
Before I could ask another question, the goddess' sapphire eyes abruptly glowed brightly, and following that in less than a heartbeat, was a strike of light that shot down from the sky, the brightness immediately blinding me.
I yielded, shutting my eyes using my arms to protect me from the rush of wind that came from the lightning strike lookalike. A figure blocked the worst of it halfway through, and I managed to squint open one eye to see Ziahra shielding me with her large body.
The white wolf looked down on me with concern. "Are you okay?"
I nodded, regaining my composure. "Yes.... thank you."
Ziahra's face fell upon hearing my words, the mixture of dark and unpleasant emotions plastered back on immediately. The blinding light and rushing wind came to a full stop not long after, and Ziahra moved herself away with her head low and eyes fixed on the ground.
Once she was seated on my right, she glanced at me one more time. And this time, her eyes were overwhelmed with sadness and a hint of guilt. I was about to ask what's with the look, but Ziahra already looked away, her eyes focused on the Moon Goddess standing straight some distance in front of us.
I followed the wolf's gaze, and noticed something different. There was someone standing still behind the Moon Goddess.
The white haired goddess looked at me straight in the eyes for a few seconds, before moving to the side, every step syncing with the beats of my loud, thudding heart.
My eyes widened, my mouth opening in a silent gasp as I saw who was the figure that was hidden behind.
Tall, with long dark brown hair slicked back. Eyes narrow and sharp, silver orbs glinting with the slightest bit of blue from our surroundings. The person's lips slowly curled up into the grin I hated and dreaded the most.
"Yo, (Y/N)," he greeted with his rough and throaty voice. "Been a while, ain't it?"
I stumbled back, fear and shock freezing my legs and making the world spin.
".......Kenny."