A/N: *Nsfw warning ahead.
•
"[f/n]...not like this." Chuuya lets go of the light hold he had on you, stepping back himself and running a hand through his red hair in discomfort when you look at him with deep sadness, your hair falling over your face as you move your gaze and stare at the ground dizzy, mind buzzing as you try to hold yourself together, nausea beginning to form caused by the anxiety of failing again creating bad butterflies in your stomach.
"I don't even need to be sober. You're all that's in my head anyways. What do you need me to say or do? I don't know how to love someone properly, I don't know what the right thing is...but you know that already because it's all I've shown..." You become desperate in your talking, the way you long for the man in front of you overwhelming your whole being, the alcohol slurring your words and making everything feel like a blurry, unpleasant dream. All you are truly sure of now as the music plays in this party hall and winter closes in, is that if you don't act, everything will fall apart and you'll have nothing left.
At least, that's how it feels.
"...I'm so sorry." You whisper when Chuuya looks away from you, scanning the room, fervent in embittering thought.
"We can't stay here if you're going to keep begging like this, you're going to do something you regret." He then finally states, beckoning you to follow him out of the party hall, leaving you to drunkenly trail after him and exit the hall with one last sad look at all the fancy outfits and light laughter of the mafia; the music that was a waltz turning in to a sorrowful, wistful tune as you close the door out behind you, feeling as if you had forgotten a wish made long ago.
Permanently turning away from the lost melodies of the party, you gaze to Chuuya in front of you now, the corridors lit by a soft moonlight that had peaked through the winter clouds, the blue of his suit looking like that of the deepest parts of the ocean while his eyes glitter like sapphires, his bright hair falling around his face just the way you had memorized it to be, the only thing displeasing about the image in front of you being his expression of anger and loss directed towards you, fighting a different emotion trying to break through you can't name.
It hurts you to see it.
"Chuuya..."
"You always do the same damn thing you know that?"
"I know."
"So then why would you-"
"Because I was trying to take care of myself too. You are beautiful, Chuuya, you are everything good I never thought I deserved, but you will never know what I have had to feel. I didn't want to include you out of fear that you'd leave me too. I'm not even sure of what we are." You have difficulty talking, part of you still in another dimension as you try to put your own feelings into sad, drunken words.
"[f/n]...I can't shake the doubt that you did something with-"
"Wait." You suddenly interrupt him, spots of white catching your eyes from the window, surprise overriding the tension of the moment, your eyes growing wide with intoxicated excitement as you let out a small gasp when you see snowflakes dancing in the outside wind.
"It's snowing...it's the first snowfall of the year- I have to go outside!" You blurt out, placing a hand on his fore arm to steady yourself, holding him tightly; your touch coming as a surprise to him.
"Are you serious right now?"
Looking back at him, maybe it's the way your face had lighten up like he had never seen it before, or the way the light had hit your face at that moment, your figure being enhanced by the kimono given to you as it swayed with your uneven movement, face slightly red from all the alcohol you drank and your hair swinging with you, but to Chuuya, the world had suddenly slowed down, his heart squeezing at your pleading statement when for just a few seconds you looked like you have no other worries in the world, eyes glittering with hope when a moment ago you had seemed so devastated. He didn't want to take that away from you as much as he only wanted to talk.
You had claimed you don't deserve him; he had always thought the opposite. He thought he hadn't been enough for someone again.
Anger evaporating out of his face, Chuuya then nods helplessly, letting out a sigh.
"Fine, let's go."
•••
Headquarters empty because of the party, you and Chuuya get outside without a problem, the executive standing by the door as you walk out under the stars facing the streets and stretch out a hand with your head slightly tilted back, the soft but cold snow tickling your skin, the cold air ignored by you even as it gradually turns into a slight flurry, the only thought in your mind being how free you felt.
Except for one small detail, of course.
"I heard a saying once that if you are out in the first snowfall of the season with someone you like, true love will grow between you. Do you believe in things like that, Chuuya?" You begin to talk, turning back to him, hair covered in light snow, nose red from the cold.
"That's a childish thought." The man responds, cheeks heating, arms crossed in front of him as his eyes flicker away briefly.
"I don't think so. I've always wanted to feel that type of romance, haven't you ever been curious? You, a vessel for a god, haven't you wanted to feel the most human of things existing?"
"...not if I don't trust the only person I'd want it with. Not if they're off with someone else. It would mean it was never true. What would I do with bullshit like that?"
Talking, a hidden pain flashes across Chuuya's gaze, as if the thought had crossed his mind many times only to disappoint him each time.
So you do want to believe it, you're just afraid that I'm not your answer after all.
Or maybe you're afraid you aren't mine.
You don't even know how silly you sound saying that. Not when I've been unable to move on from our fight. I wonder if I'd be able to do this completely sober...
"Nothing happened and nothing will ever happen between me and Dazai. How do I prove it? You never failed me...it was all my fault. Should I yell it out for the whole night to hear? That I love you? Will that help?"
"What?"
The desperation back in your voice, the fear you had expressed before holding back your tears as a wave of emotions hits you again, you take a step further away from Chuuya after his eyebrow raises in question to your words, using the liquid courage to turn around and take a deep breath, ignoring his cold you were becoming stand so far out into the new snow.
"HEY! I'M IN LOVE WITH CHU-"
Reaching you from behind, Chuuya covers your mouth as quickly as he can, the leather of his gloves rough against your skin, your body colliding into his front backwards as he pulls you in, blue eyes wide and blush all over his face.
"What are you doing?! Did the wine make you crazy?"
"No, I just want to show you that I'm not lying. I really do want only you." You whisper to him as you pull his hand away from your face gently, eyes fluttering as you feel his warm breath on you, his body heating up yours the way he holds you.
"...[f/n]...stop..." Chuuya breathes, turning you around to face him and raising his hands to cup your face gently, all the pain in his eyes riding on solely your name rolling off his tongue. Together in the snow now, nothing else around you in this night mattering, your faces sit barely any centimetres apart, your eyes instinctively dropping to his lips and back up before he finishes his sentence.
"I am so fucking in love with you."
•••
* After kissing under the moonlight with millions of snowflakes falling overtop, there are no words in your mind to describe how you and Chuuya had ended up back upstairs, all noises around you two echoing and out of sync, your mind unable and not wanting to process anything but the man in your arms. Arriving at your room, the two of you practically fall through the door when you finally reach to open it, heavily breathing once inside when you push yourself away from his kisses only to close the door behind you, a gloved hand of his stopping you for a moment, tilting your chin to kiss you again.
"Are you sure? You may not be thinking right-"
"Shut up." You murmur, closing the door behind you before pulling on his tie to close the space he had created between you, both your lips moving together in a perfect dance, your hand undoing the tie as you slide the other down his chest to then unbutton his suit jacket, throwing it to the side when you're done, wrapping your arms around his neck now, entangling your hands in his soft, long hair as you only deepen the kiss further, your body missing his for too long.
Lighting dim in your room, just barely highlighting all your features and his though being just enough, hands sliding to your waist line, Chuuya begins untying your kimono layer's, the robe-like cloth sliding off your body as he gently takes your hand off him to do so, giving you gentler kisses as he does, favouring your neck while you naturally lean back to give him more room, body shivering as the layers come off, his kisses slowly becoming more aggressive. Once you're down to just your undergarments, Chuuya stops undressing you and moves back up to kiss your lips, cupping your face until you push him back ever so slightly, glancing at the gloves still on his hands and pulling them off swiftly, dropping them to the floor before placing his hands on your bare waist, his warm skin against your cool body pleasing, leaning in after to kiss him again, both your faces flushed.
If someone told you later on to re-tell that night's events, your memory would not do it justice; your senses heightened, your chest against Chuuya's, you know it will be a blur when you wake up in the morning, but for now you live in the moment where all you have is him.
Unbuttoning his shirt, this time taking the opportunity to kiss his collar bone with your hands sliding on his bare chest downwards, feeling the way the muscles under his skin ripple with every breath and slight movement in reaction to your touch, you let the shirt simply fall as you move on to his pants, pulling them off and looking up at his flustered face, blushing profusely though there is no embarrassment when your eyes meet, just lust.
Before you go any lower, Chuuya takes your wrists and pulls your hands to his shoulders so you wrap your arms around him as he places his hands under your thighs and lifts you onto your bed, dropping you so you land on your back with him on top, legs around his waist as he kisses your lips and whispers in your ear, leaning over you, hair falling over his face as his voice rings with aggressive jealousy.
"You don't have to do anything today, I want to watch you be under my control."
Barely getting out a "yes", your breathing hitched as Chuuya kisses you with tongue only to bite your bottom lip gently and beginning kissing downwards, you help the executive take off your bra; Chuuya gradually going from your breasts and in between to your stomach, your back arching as he stops at your pelvis, pulling down your underwear teasingly and following the trail of your newly uncovered bottom with kisses as he has been. Spreading your legs wider on the bed for Chuuya as he uses his hands to slowly rub along your inner thigh, kissing where his fingers graze leaving you breathless, all your nerve endings spiked in feeling, your lower core pulsating once he slows down his kissing around your outer vulva. Chuuya pausing as you grip your bed sheets, the anticipation to his motion's becoming too much, the rush a newer feeling to you, you finally speak up after a long few seconds, meeting Chuuya's smug glimmer in his eyes, your face red from embarrassment.
"Don't stop." You beg, watching as he finally goes down on you and letting out a gasp the moment you feel his tongue graze your clit, your eyes wide at the sudden mere taste of ecstasy. Nervous at first, your heart fluttering as sober thoughts of anxiety settle in as you're put through feelings you'd never felt before, you bite your lip when you feel yourself let out a soft moan; Chuuya's movements slow and gradual, his tongue French-kissing your sweet spot, your insides throbbing for more stimulation.
"I want to hear you, [f/n]. Don't worry, you're as sweet as wine." He tells you, his voice low and reassuring, hands on your thighs as he revels in your vulnerability with him, immediately going back to his strong, steady licks including a sucking pattern, every inch of you turned on by this man's care in ever touch, toes curling, your voice calling out his name in mumbles music to his ears.
Reaching your limit, Chuuya uses his fingers to add further stimulation at your g-spot, rubbing in the motion that most gets you worked up until he watches your hands clench the sheets and your whole body waiting for release. That is when he stops, getting up as you watch him with desperate eagerness, your eyes meeting his hungry blue eyes and drowning in the ocean in them.
"Chuuya..." you whisper, the red-head stopping you from getting up further by pinning you down, only letting go to take off his boxers, your eyes looking downwards to his enlarged, hardened member, shooting up to his face completely entranced by you, no fear in your heart, only need.
Pulling him into a kiss without another care, eyes fluttering closed, hands in his hair now as he moves his own to your hips, Chuuya teases you by rubbing his tip against your opening, shakily breathing against his lips as you go to wrap your legs around his waist and beg with your body instead of your words, letting out a deep sigh when he stops kissing you for a moment. In those few seconds, Chuuya enters you gently at first, you already being wet from his work before making it easier on you, moaning in his ears as he exhales.
"I love you, [f/n]."
With your permission, Chuuya begins to thrust, the pressure against your walls surprisingly pleasurable to you, the angle he's in rubbing against all the right places exciting you and making you throb, both of your sped up heartbeats synced as he speeds up, moaning you as you hold on to him. Asking him to go harder, Chuuya takes pleasure in seeing you so at mercy to his gestures, you gasping as he thrusts with more force, the sounds coming out of the both of you in whispers rolling of your tongues and in each other's ears satisfying you as you move your hips to enhance the feelings. After speeding up his thrusting as well, the hard feeling of him in you with you on him tightly making you not want it to stop, you both continue with your desiring kisses, each more yearning than the last.
"Yes..."
At one point, after a most aggressive thrust and perfect pressure on you g-spot, a spasm of euphoria shoots through your body as all the pent up tension is finally released, finishing against the body of the only person that's ever made you feel loved. It isn't long until Chuuya pulls out so to not cum inside you, the executive's pale face tinted pink, his body hot and shining with very light sweat as he now only holds you, your face hurried in his chest, your legs left without feeling.
If anyone told me to re-tell them what happened tonight, I wouldn't be able to do it justice; with my body against his and his arms around me as I listen to his heart beat...
Maybe it's the alcohol still in me or maybe it's the relief I've never felt before, but nothing feels real.
All the pain and the pleasure becoming one...
It's all a blur.
I can only feel him.
I only want to feel him.
I don't want to lose him.
Is this love?