😁📖
Do 🚿your ❤⭐✨
Jinae/Jieun's Viewpoint.
He gulped as he stared at me. My fingers slowly travel down to his hand. I eye the ring that rested on his left ring finger. Gliding it out, I stare at it. Smirking at him, I lick my lower lip sensually.
"Fake shit can fuck itself." With that, I flick it off and it landed somewhere in the corner of the room. He didn't care about the ring nor did I as we stared at each other with lust-filled eyes. I saw how he glanced at my lips while biting his own lip. The number of ideas that went on through our head reflected in our gazes.
At a menacingly slow pace, I pull up his sleeve not breaking the stare. Intentionally, I leaned in towards him till our faces were inches apart. Just when our lips could touch, I got up from his lap. I stare at the bluish-black mark at the crook of his neck, again feeling proud of its eminence on his skin. He watched as I further step away from him. I could see his fisted hand, gripping onto the blanket, and an obvious tension growing between his legs. I could myself feel my stomach clench at his bothered sight.
But, things weren't always as they should've been. I was still hurt by him and maybe he is just an outlet of the pain I felt. He left me hanging unexplained and I couldn't just accept him with outspread arms after a sudden revelation of everything. I worked my way to build on my broken self, he must work his way to heal me and piece me altogether. That's the law of nature.
I keep my smirk on and sashay my way out. As soon as I leave, I hear him groan in frustration followed by a string of lewd curses. It did satisfy my inner sexual beast though leaving a pang of wanting more of him. But I knew my limits. And maybe he knew it as well, he knew he had to mend whatever relationship we have.
I walk down the stairs as I tie my hair into an unorganised bun. I pull up the sleeve of my blouse till my elbows and tuck the undone cloth back into my denim.
I feel the late morning warmth seep through the house, warming up the temperature of the room. I remembered Jimin's warning and today's scenario; it would be stupid if I walk out of here unguarded. I stare at the white silk curtains that blew gently. My feet carry me towards the bounty of nature that shone under the strong sunrays. A cooling sensation passed through my body when the soles of my feet touch the soaked grass tendrils. The distant sea waves battled against each other as they rose and fell rhythmically.
Sometimes I wished if I could just go back to the times when things weren't so complicated. But ironically, things have been complicated in my life before I could step forth into this world. It's like wanting to go back to the time before this universe was even created. A time when there was no trace of my existence.
But sadly, I couldn't. And I had to face whatever came my way.
I still could not take in the fact that Jinae could go that worse, worse where she could murder someone. She could never do that. Jinae would never do that, though Jieun was someone from whom I didn't know what to expect. I had a feeling that she must have been triggered to that extent, that extent where she lost contact with her own mind and did what her alter ego said.
I flinched when the greens hustle loudly. Looking upwards, I saw the previous sunshine glory being hid by the dark clouds that cast upon the peaceful sky. The faint gurgling of the waves reached my ears as the warm breeze was now replaced by a cooler one. Tilting my neck upwards, I close my eyes as I rub my palms against my arms.
Weightlessness.
Floating through the passage of time.
Every passing thing disappeared away just by a simple touch of it.
Every beautiful thing rained down into crumbles as soon as I passed through it.
But strangely at the same time, another incomparable beauty took its form.
One leaves, and the other forms.
And whatever causes it to leave, forms it back again.
The first trickle of rain fell upon my eyelid. I break out of my trance as I feel bazillion faint droplets now overpowering into heavy goblets as they poured. Gone was the warmth, replaced by the drenched. I wasn't floating, my bare feet were planted well on the drenched green grass.
"You should consider coming in here! It's gonna rain heavily." I hear Jungkook call out for me. I uncross my arms and run my hands through my hair. The soft pelting drenched my blouse lightly, the faint strokes that it painted on the cloth.
Reluctantly, I turn back and walked back into the house after rubbing my feet on the doormat.
I saw him adorned in his office suit and undone buttons with a loosely held tie. His thick, sculpted neck peeked through and so did the hickey that stood prominent at the crook of his neck. He arranged the dishes on the table though he would randomly wince when his arm hurt him.
"You're gonna go to the office, now?" It was early afternoon and it was raining.
He hummed in agreement. "Got a call from Hoseok." I nod in understanding and rest my hips against the table while viewing its contents. Nothing much, just a bowl of cereals for him and a compulsory glass of banana milk while for me, I saw a bowl of freshly made chicken soup. A smile crept on my face as I see it. He remembers.
I gaze up at him as he finished arranging the table. "You're gonna go like this?" I raise my brow pointing at his undone garments.
"Oh I'll have someone have it done on the way." He waved off and sat as he started gulping down huge spoonfuls of cereals each followed by a gulp of banana milk. I watch as he finished the entire meal within minutes. Belatedly he realised that I hadn't started eating and looked up questioningly. "The soup's getting cold."
I push myself up and instead walk closer to him. As I stand, right in front of him, I push him backwards causing him to lean back. I button up the second button and take the tie from his collar. Twisting and folding, I make the knot, his eyes never left mine. I push the knot upward, just till the level where the mark could be seen vaguely. I pull my hands back as I stare at his attire now. He wasn't wearing the ring anymore.
"You don't need a someone now." He blinked once and looked away embarassed as he fiddled with his collar. Faint blush tainted his cheekbones as he cleared his throat and mumbled something.
"Thanks." He said before he pushed the chair back abruptly and made his way towards the kitchen. I heard the dishes clink a little too loudly and maybe one or two fell on the ground as well.
After a minute or two, he emerged out with a phone in his hand. He mouthed a farewell to me with a 'take care' faintly added as he walked away arguing with someone, Hoseok I presumed, out of the house.
As soon as I hear the car rumble into life and zoom away, I stare at the chicken soup. He made it for me, keeping in mind that I loved it. I feel my heart warm up at the thought. He could have made another bowl of cereals too, but he thought well. I take the bowl in my hand and scoop a spoonful. The smell was amazing, he was really a great cook. And if it was another day I would've gladly licked till the last drop.
But how could I eat knowing that someone had died because of me?
The same picture flashed in front of me again. I quickly keep the bowl on the table and lean forward at the disturbing image. I couldn't relish anything, I couldn't live my life on knowing that she died for me. She died because of me. And the least she deserves is to be remembered and respected. Atleast by me.
I stare back at the bowl as tears pricked my eyes. I couldn't eat it. I couldn't. The guilt crawled further up till my throat, a lump forming that wanted to be thrown out.
I did what I should not have done. I threw the soup into the sink and washed the bowl, keeping it on the racks of the clean utensils.
The cloud of compunction wrapped itself around me as I slid against the counter and sat down on the floor. I held my knees closer to my chest as my shoulders trembled, the withheld emotions finding its way out through my eyes.
I was sorry for being so selfish in my grief, that I couldn't see what others might have been going through.
I was so self absorbed in my own misery that I didn't realise the good people showcased on me.
I was so into my own self, that I refused to acknowledge the grief of others.
I was sorry for dragging them into my hell.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
After an hour or so, the rain had stopped pelting on the earth. Puddles formed wherein dews from the leaf slided down and splashed out loud.
I was all alone in his majestic house. I didn't have my phone with me; it still laid under my bed back in my house. Nor was my laptop or tablet in my possession. I was impatient to know what was happening around but I had no means to know that. I couldn't stand as a silent spectator and keep on having him harm and murder people around me, for the sake of whatever was saved in my brain.
I searched the entire house for the bracelet that he adorned, for some clue to what it wanted to say. Sadly, I didn't find any. I belatedly realised he had said that they never took it off. Not having any option, I had slumped down on the couch until I felt the sudden urge to draw. Strange enough for I had never taken to a pallate or a canvas for my entire life.
It was evening. And Jungkook wasn't home. The huge mansion was free to be explored and exploited if I may add. I remembered about his secret passion of painting. I turned round the corner of the royally gigantic drawing room and found the place which was splashed with paints and broken canvases laid around.
The easel kept in the near corner held a blank white canvas. Atleast ten types of pencils, erasers, brushes of different thicknesses ranging from round to wide and size zero to twelve, half closed bottles of paints, dried up colours on the pallate, and undone caps of the tubes.
I take one of the pencils and stare at it. My fingers itched to draw something, my mind bringing up images.
Unknowingly, my fingers wrapped itself tighter around the pencil and pressed it against the canvas. After a few minutes of staring, I find my hands move by itself as the first stroke of pencil etched on the blank white canvas. The curved line was followed by more curvy and wavy lines, the random compilation of an unknown picture. My hands worked on their own, as it stroked lightly on the white canvas.
After a while, I realise I drew a hand, peeking through the dense clouds.
I tilt my head as I analyse the picture. Something stirring up in my mind.
Void.
The dazzling light. The immense beauty of the heavenly clouds.
Sweat trickling, breaths coming in short pants.
I gasp when I feel a weight rest upon my shoulder and hunky arms wrapped around my waist, enclosing me completely in an embrace.
"You got me scared." Jungkook sighed in relief, but I wasn't having a great time in controlling the pumping organ thudding against my chest. My arms were pressed onto my chest as he tightened his hold on me. His shirt laid loose on his wrist, I feel his tie tickle the back of my neck.
"What are you doing here?" His chin propped on my shoulder as he stared at whatever I had scribbled on.
"When did you come here?" I stammer out as I tilt my head to look at him. His face was so close, I could see his scar and the minute imperfections that marked his features.
"Oh just a few minutes ago. Literally was gonna call for the FBI on not finding you around." He pulled back and smiled down at me, his typical boyish bunny grin.
My heart skipped a beat there.
"That's some fairly good sketch you drew huh." He commented as he pointed at the canvas. "I didn't know you were interested in these."
"Oh I ain't. I, I just stumbled around here and..well, drew something." I explain and turn to look at the landscape. I would never have taken to canvas in my entire life. It's as if my brain was signalling me towards something. Something that I must uncover.
"Anyway, now that you're back, do you have clothes I can change into? I ain't a fan of spending days in denims." I walked back round the corner into the drawing room. Jungkook followed behind, his timberlands sounding against the floor.
"Uhm.." He was cut off by the loud cring of the machine that rolled towards him and beeped rather loudly. He glanced at the screen, and if I wasn't mistaken, his face paled a little. I try looking at the screen, but it was farther from me. Sensing me looking at him, he laughed out awkwardly. I knew he was gonna hide something.
"Well there's some good news. Jimin and your pup is safe in Busan. He will be back after a few days, when..when things would -hopefully- be back to normal." I didn't miss the uncertainty in his tone. Nonetheless I nodded, though I feel my chest heavier than before.
Jungkook pulled out his tie and unbuttoned his collar.
"Uh, anyway, you liked the soup? I tried my best to spice it up a lil', according to your taste." He looked expectantly at me. The stone pressed harder against my chest when I smile softly and nod. "You, you sure know your way." Thankfully, my voice didn't crack.
He passed me a proud, satisfied grin as he walked up the stairs.
I'm sorry, Jungkook.
.・゜゜・
Who knew I would somehow love fitting into someone else's clothes until now?
I stare at my attire. His white oversized T-shirt fit me right till the middle of my thigh. He had a spare pair of shorts which he claimed to haven't used yet.
Not that I would mind.
I whiffed his faint cologne. The perfect blend of masculine and feminine tastes. The sleeves drooped lower down my wrists, almost making my hands disappear inside. I cupped my face and feel the warmth seep through my cheeks. I might be looking cute now? He hadn't said anything, just smiled and plopped down and turned the other side, switching off the lights.
Though disappointed, I had allowed myself to close my eyes. But how could I sleep without my daily dose of sleeping pills?
He was sound asleep. Light snores could be heard, his mouth parted open like a baby. Babyboy. I didn't want to wake him up for any reason whatsoever.
Taking advantage, I had sneaked out. It wasn't difficult, I knew the way out of the unguarded backyard. No guard stayed at three in the morning.
Grave mistake, but I couldn't sleep. I needed contact with nature, atleast hoping I could magically fall asleep on the shore as the breeze kissed my temples and brushed against my bare legs.
I crouched down at the shore of the beach as the waves washed down the sandy land and my transient feet. The sea breeze cooled down the afternoon blaze and so did the dark casted sky. My fingers find themselves drawing regular patterns and watch them dissolve away by the new waves that come forth.
It was serene. Peaceful with no chaos. Nothing to worry, the calm that reigned after the storm. Or maybe the serenity before a raging tempest.
The water reflected my face that stared down at my reflection. Up in the sky, the spotted moon shone among the thousand studded stars. My hair fell upon my eyes as a strong whiff of wind blew past my face. As the wind toned down, another person's reflection stared back at me.
Jinae.
Immediately, I whirl my head round and find her standing, her hands clasped on her dress, a silk nightgown while her gaze fiddled around the area before meeting mine. She didn't say anything. Her lips parted and closed repeatedly, but nothing came out of them. She gulped continuously, but didn't manage to stutter out anything.
I stand up and stare down at her. She gazed up at me. Her round innocent eyes were proof enough that she was Jinae, not Jieun. She was the innocent one, who was always there to laugh, cry and gossip with me. She was the one who respected my choices but would silently express her disappointment at the right time. She was the one who would never let your day go bad, for she had her way of making you smile.
"Jinae.." Her name rolled off my tongue. It felt foreign now. The tone was so soft and fragile, the name taken with a sense of gentleness and sweetness.
"I-Ivy.." She called out in the same tone.
Time rolled back to when we met each other for the first time. The girl with two ponies on either side of her head. Shy and nervous as she fiddled with her fingers and looked around with her round doe eyes. An overly enthusiastic girl with crescents formed in her eyes, hopped in and extended her hand out for her. Ivy, she introduced herself as. Jinae, she stuttered her named out. The start of a blossoming friendship that was torn down with a thing too many.
But she also held the one who destroyed everything she made. Murder, betrayal, treason, every crime you could name.
The sand flattened under her feet as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other.
The blowing wind silenced into a stillness as she stopped in front of me. Her round eyes gazed intently at me, while mine remained cold as ice. She sighed as she rubbed her palms on her skin, scanning my outfit. Her eyes gleamed in recognition, and looked back at me.
"That's his."
I tilt my head. "Tables turned huh."
"It sure did." She breathed out. "You, you look cute."
"Jealous?"
She smiled wide unexpectedly and shook her head. "It was expected. It was meant to happen, the moment you re-entered his life." Her eyes met mine, a soft admiration manifested.
She stepped closer as her hands reached out for mine. Her head bowed low looking at her outstretched fingers. I didn't reject as our palms touch. "After all,.." She let out a shaky sigh "..It isn't difficult to fall for you." She whispered, her fingers clasped tighter as she looked up at me. A sheet of fresh tears were held back in her eyes.
"I, uh—" Her fingers clasped tighter on mine. She gasped, her shoulders trembled. She was forcing something in. And it was evident, she was fighting over her. Under the moonlight, her light brown orbs flickered to lush black and back to brown. She barred her teeth, but Jinae quickly grit it under. She pushed inside her, as Jinae's head lolled abruptly to the side. I held on tight to her, preventing her from falling. I feel her clawing at my palms, though Jinae tried her best removed her hold from me.
It was evident that Jinae was suffering.
She was having a rough time, but she was still trying to fight it.
Oh how she must have been fighting her all these years.
"Let her out." I whisper. Her flickering eyes looked into mine. She shook her head in denial, as she tried hard to steady herself.
"No, n-no. I, I can't do the, same mistake. N-no—"
"You're suffering. Let her out. Let me take it." I try assuring her but she remained adamant. Her frail body swayed abruptly from side to side. Yet she didn't comply.
"Let me handle her, Jinae."
Her name was enough to call upon her. Jinae let out a loud scream and fell forward towards me.
Silence. Only her heavy breaths reverberated. Her hands were no longer clasped in mine, they held tight on the oversized t-shirt I wore. I hear the waves entangle and disentangle, galloping and hopping across the horizon. Her hair covered her face, which laid hidden under the facade. I hear her sigh. A raspy, deep sigh.
Her fingers crawled, slowly and gently up my arm. Her touch was soft, and caring. She wasn't clawing or attacking me this time. Slowly she raised her face as her hand rested on my jaw. Dark orbs stare back at mine.
Jieun.
Root cause of everything that happened in my life.
Her fingers caressed my cheek, gently as if memorising the minute patterns of my skin.
"Oh Ivy. It's been long huh." She muttered, eyeing my lips. "I missed you so much." She whispered while cupping my face.
"Why?" I blurted. Her round eyes searched me questioningly.
"What did you get by doing all that?" The suppressed fury surfaced.
"What, what are you—"
"You can drop that act. You killed them. You fucking murdered them." I grit through my teeth as my hands balled into fists. "What did you get by that huh? You really acted well, taking me into your embrace and wiping my tears, consoling me with sweet and sugary philosophies."
She looked on without a word. Her face was devoid of any emotions.
"You didn't stop there. You destroyed every evidence of them. I don't care what you did to me, but you destroyed the little piece of heart that I kept there. Why? What did you prove by this?" I feel pushed back tears sting my eyes. Her eyes shifted elsewhere, her nails dug on my jaw.
"You know what, that's fine. They were all fake anyway." I snort, biting my lip to keep my emotions in.
"Ivy, listen–"
"Don't take my name. I'm not done. I am not done with your whore-ish acts yet. You play well though. Taehyung, Jungkook...every person I laid my eyes on, you were there in their arms." I feel her nails claw deep into my skin, I wouldn't be surprised if it bleed now.
"They dared to lo—"
"But your cunt wanted more, and Alexander was there to give you that. Huge and bulky, must have had a great time. Great sex, great duo, best killers, joined hands into fucking destroying the life of one person, Choi Ivy. See this desperate state of mine? Injured, acute insomniac, labelled a murderer, a fucking psychopath, people pelting sticks and stones, undignified and disrespected. Am I even a fucking human to them now? I ain't. And that's what y'all wanted huh—"
I was cut off when her lips crashed onto mine.
I stopped functioning. All I could feel was her lips now pressing against mine.
'...and obsessive love disorder.'
Her lips moved as her hands travelled up to my hair. She pressed herself further onto my body. Our chests brushed, her fingers gripped on my hair. I was still paralysed. I couldn't respond, I should push her away, but the shock was too overwhelming.
"Fuck, you taste sweeter than I thought you to be." She whispered against my lip, slowly pulling away. "You don't know how long I have wanted to do this."
She gazed at me, a certain emotion evidently swirling in them. She cupped my cheeks, squishing them. Her lips stayed an inch away from mine, she didn't look away from them.
"You asked why." She stared up at me. Her lips curved into a genuine smile.
"This is why." She allowed her hands to travel down. I flinch at the way she traced my forearms and take my palms into hers.
"You never wondered why I would calm when you, you did that? Your touch was enough to tame this monster. You could just smile and my day's purpose was fulfilled." She stroked my knuckles as she stared down at them. I could see her smile through her hair. "The day I was unleashed, was the day you stole me. And I never planned to finding myself back. She didn't know any of this. I was quiet about it, letting myself enjoy the pleasures."
"As time passed, I noticed you would complain a lot about your uh.., the Kims, how they would not give what you needed. Ah, a quick tryst with them before they reached nowhere." I feel my throat constrict at the way she spoke. The cold and the cruel combination in her voice.
"It was all merry and sweet. You would always come to me. And she, or more like I would spread my arms out for you. You don't know the pleasure I felt, having you in my arms." She kissed my knuckles. My stomach churned uncomfortably.
'obsessive love disorder.'
She looked up and her eyes hardened. "Until you found him. And the way you looked at him, was highly inappropriate for me. You couldn't look at anyone like that, except me. I tried warning you at times, but you never listened. Instead you went on to date him. And that was enough to make me go ballistic." Black pools stared at me, they were so lifeless, so devoid of any emotion, that it was scary. "You promised you won't leave me, yet you left me." She whispered.
"I had to do what I did. For I had come to be obsessed with you."
'she had obsessive love disorder.'
And the person was me.
And so she did what she did.
"And before I knew, I became someone I never wanted to be." Her eyes flickered again. This time, the black seemed to dissolve back into pools of brown. I feel her grip loosen on my hand. Her fingers trembled. Her feet unsteady as she took a step back from me.
"I was so lost in my demons, I didn't realise I was breaking the very person who made me. Alexander would not have found you, if it wasn't for me. It was all for me, that your life is where it is." Her lips quivered, a lone tear traced her cheek. Her orbs flickered more of brown that the blacks.
"And the little I can do now is warn you." I notice her shoulders trembling as she folded her arms behind her. "I am warning you, that what I'm gonna do is going to destroy you further. Don't worry, I have toned it down a little. But, let me tell you. Five days is all you have. Before they take you in. And I know, you have everything that will make it as well as break it."
I feel my heart pace erratically in anticipation. Five days.
Five days before they take me in.
"Beware and be vigilant. Jinae will be around. I'll try my best to help you out. Maybe he will be able to lock you up, but I'll make sure to come out of it. I ain't confident, but I'll try my best." She stepped forth slowly, her flickering eyes looked around. Her hands trembled when they stretched towards me. Her steps were unsteady, she almost stumbled over her own feet.
"I'm sorry for what I'm gonna do." And with that, she screamed and lunged towards me. I gasped loudly when a thick needle pierced through my skin. My eyes popped out, her weight slumped over me. Instinctively, I try to push her away. But she didn't budge. Her body remained stuck on mine, her shaking fingers pressed harder on my skin. She seemed to be pulling something with the needle pinched on my skin.
"Ah.." I grit through my teeth, when I feel a certain pull in my stomach. A sharp tug that almost shut all the air out of my lungs. I push off by her shoulder and by the impact fell backwards, right on my ass. The cold water drenched the hem of my clothes but the pain I felt on my arm numbed all other sensations.
I held my left arm with my right hand. Blood oozed out, and trickled down the side of my arm. It was hurting, like something had been sucked out from me. I felt dizzier. My chest rose and fell heavily as I squint my eyes to look at her.
She seemed distant. She stumbled backwards, farther and farther away from me.
From my vision, I could make out that her lips were moving. She was repeating one thing. But I couldn't decipher it. I frown and look on at her.
That's when her hand rose up, with her hand stained with blood that slightly leaked out of the transparent tube she held. She paused and moved her lips wide enough for me to decipher what she wanted to say.
I am sorry.
But beware,
Five days is all you have.
Zero down, Five to go.
🖤🖤🥀🖤🖤
To clear up confusions, Jinae and Jieun are the two personas of Jinae, since she has stripped personality disorder. So when I say 'her' I mean Jieun. Jieun pushing herself and taking over Jinae's body means, that her alter ego, the evil side is pushing forward into prominence.
If any queries, ask away —>
(Lee Jinae aesthetics)