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There are a lot of things you don't really think about until they happen to you. Take rape, for instance. I always thought, "That won't happen to me. I have a boyfriend. I trust him. He would never take advantage of me like that..." I couldn't have been more wrong. Love in this day and age is often confused for manipulation and abuse. The warning signs are here. The things we say will tell us everything that is wrong. You are worth more than what you think you are. It's not your fault. If they tell you otherwise, get out. Burn the bridge. Always remember someone is waiting for you to walk into their life. Someone needs you. Someone loves you. Getting away from all of the wrong people and finding the right ones could save you. I can promise you right now that it saved me. These are the journal entries and selected poems from my first experience of love that left a unpleasant taste in my mouth- quite literally. I am putting this out for the whole world to see because I hope everyone will learn from my experience. People can see. We have no excuses to continue living our lives in ignorance. ...WARNING... HARMFUL THEMES INCLUDING MENTION OF SUICIDE, SELF HARM, AND RAPE. THIS HAS EXPLICIT CONTENT. RECOVERY AND AWARENESS IS THE PURPOSE OF SHARING. DO NOT READ IF THESE THEMES ARE OFFENSIVE OR HARMFUL TO YOU.

"As I lost everyone, I didn't want to go through this, I've learned in this thick and thin that no matter what I go through I will have to put myself first, not because it's what I solemnly want but it is what I need in my rest of my journey." ____________________________________ This is going to be a story based on someone's dream. Which is really beautiful to have as an experience. Please read and do share your comments and thoughts with me. You can actually vote too, there's nothing harm in that. *Warning* - little abusive language. Give it a little try and enjoy the perks. Love you all. ~mani

Sometimes we fear truth over reality. But things get dark and heavy and we play the blame game. We end up hurting others or ourselves even. We don't think before we act or we don't say before we do. This is the evolution of my madness. A cluster of rants and thoughts and poems for you guys. Everything is written how I wanted it to be rants will be long with few pauses and there will be mistakes I might have skipped over. Aha. Poems at the beginning from when I was 15 years old to now when Im 18. Truly a visual of my writing evolution. Edited by @ChemicalStarling who writes a lot but never posts! Read on, loves. I'll see you on the other side...

╰┈➤ ❝ [I stood there in unequivocal revelation, the lagging pain slowly catching up with me, but before I could release a fraction of the pain into my screaming, a bell rang, and suddenly, pilfered from my body was the ability to move. My face neutral and my muscles disabled as I fell face-first into the hard, scathing rock that lay unmoved before me.] 》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ * 。° 。 • ˚《 Imagine awakening in an environment you deemed unfamiliar, your back thrumming in pain, with your mind staying clear of how you ended up there or simply the moments that lead to your position. You try to find a way out and later realize that you can't even remember who you are; your memories purged, your identity unknown. It takes you a good amount of time, pain, and effort, and eventually you manage to gather tiny fragments of who you were along with the trauma of how you retrieved it, but it's okay, maybe it's all worth it as you finally make contact with another person. Turns out she was your best friend. Finally, it looks like all is turning up until you learn of all the inhumane things you've done in your past, things that evade your newfound morals, things that were so detrimental to society that when you hear the reason as to why you've been enduring such agony, you understand why. How many people did you even end up hurting? What did you do that was so bad, that it made millions wish the absolute worst of you? What will you do now?

This is a Poetry Book that I've been working on for almost a year. I write random poems when I'm inspired, so I hope you enjoy! #825 in Poetry November 24, 2016 #351 in Poetry November 26, 2016 (!!!!!!) #350 in Poetry November 29, 2016 #284 in Poetry December 1, 2016 (ahhhh!) #274 in Poetry December 3, 2016 #185 in Poetry December 14, 2016 :) #166 in Poetry December 16, 2016 #141 in Poetry December 20, 2016 #103 in Poetry December 23, 2014 #90 in Poetry December 25, 2016 #82 in Poetry December 26, 2016 #75 in Poetry December 27, 2016 #67 in Poetry December 31, 2016 #58 in Poetry January 1, 2017 #55 in Poetry January 2, 2017 #53 in Poetry January 5, 2017 #50 in Poetry January 6, 2017 #47 in Poetry January 10, 2017 #45 in Poetry January 12, 2017 #35 in Poetry January 25, 2017

Every word was drawn out of me like a hot wire- some fast, some excruciatingly slow. This collection is very personal to me... Apfel (the German word for apple) marks the beginning of a stage in my life: depression. October to November 2017. This was not about...me; it was all about the other side: the change, the loss, the gathering tidal wave and - and the inevitable. "It's better than keeping it all bottled up"... they say. "You have an outlet" safe; not their responsibility. But they don't think you understand... I bottle it up in poems. Each one charged with aeons of hurt. Each one pushed under the carpet. I always hide away and run from my problems and when I face them create a greater mess than before. That's why I never read them over...until now. Please note that all grammatical and linguistic, as well as those in punctuation and spelling or placing of words were intentional. If you LIKE this and want me to put together my other poetry and pictures as the journey continues, please show me by voting (I might consider adding the other- more sensitive- poems in another volume) and commenting your feedback. PLEASE DO NOT COPY any of the poetry or pictures.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say, "I know you're not". I have felt like this many times in my life; as a kid, teenager and as an adult. I have seen many things in my life and felt even more things that has been horribly depressing... But I got up. I stood up to walk on for another day. I dealt with my emotional amnesia the only way I knew I could and that was by writing it out into poetry. I wanted to forget my pain and forget what I was going through. I needed that cut of the blade or a pill to drink to take everything away. My poetry became both my pill and my blade... Now I share the most intimate part of myself with the world. The part of me I kept hidden in the closet. The part I never thought I would ever present to the world. Now is the time I have to stop having amnesia about my emotions. It is time to learn, to better myself and to stand up and remember the things that I shut out like a voluntary amnesia all these years. Those who are offended after reading this - f**k you! If you are sad with me and willing to cut your wrist - I know how you feel! If you just enjoy the words - I love you! #679 in Poetry on 17/03/2018 #779 in Poetry on 18/03/2018 #807 in Poetry on 19/03/2018 #474 in Poetry on 22/03/2018

spencer, i'll remember how i'd loved you. even after i saw the hate behind your sweet eyes and messy statistics. even after i heard casually cruel words leave the same sugary lips that you used to plant soft kisses on my cheeks. even after i saw you kill right in front of me. the loss of your presence would still hurt the same. it probably wouldn't even matter what you did or didn't do because at night, i would still be crying into my pillow about everything that happened to you regardless. that's another thing that hurts so bad about this all. your loss. it's obvious, i know that. but i feel so alone. and you're actually gone this time.

Have you ever been in a situation where a one night stand mistake changes your entire life? *** "And what if I remember you or what happened that very day, that doesn't prove I'm responsible for that life growing inside you." He said, glaring down at me. I seriously can't believe this punk! "Are you trying to say I'm some slut?" "I don't know, you tell me." He said, still glaring down at me. I felt my rage rushing into my head, blocking my sense of reasoning at this moment. "You really have some nerve to refer to me as some slut, but no matter how hard you try to put or twist it to your story. It still doesn't change the fact and truth of this situation. You are responsible for this baby!" I yelled in anger. I saw a surprise look flash through his face, but he immediately covered it up and took a step back. Resting his hip on his desk, and putting both hands into his pants pocket. "Fine. How much will it take you to remove that, and after removing it?" He asked. My eyes went wide when I understood what he was talking about. He's not only an egoistic punk, but a very heartless human being. "You must be going out of your mind if you think I'll abort this child!" I half yelled at him in anger, but it seemed like my words weren't making much of an impact on him. "Why are you trying to make things more difficult for yourself? You know that night was a mistake, so why are you trying to make it such a big deal to ruin my reputation?" He said, angry. I felt hurt by his words. It was all a mistake, but it created another life growing inside me. Why do I even feel hurt? I'm not meant to be.. *** This book completed version is available on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/His-Surrogate-Heartbreak-pregnant-surrogacy-ebook/dp/B0D7SWRD4L/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1D978HK16N5GU&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.n3u7OtM5D9DGktqVEQHViw.rizlbZnq74jWRky4eCjm4Gd9B6Au_0_tnAKY2DWr4Iw&dib_tag=se&keywords=Books+by+Theodora+Chijioke&qid=1719145082&sprefix=books+by+theodora+chijioke+%2Caps%2C1662&sr=8-1

poems from within. ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆ Note: my poem styles vary a lot, so some may rhyme and others no. Feel free to skip those you don't like. The poems aren't sequels to each other. There might be spoken word and such. Some poems are lowercase intended, others are not. The poems are me. It took a tremendous amount of courage to publish these, so thank you to those who have encouraged me, and please think about what you comment, if someone does happen to read this shat. And just remember: I love you. ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆ started: july 30th, 2020 ended: april 5th, 2021