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TRIGGER WARNING: If self harm, blood, abuse, suicide, etc disturb you, then maybe this isn't the fic for you. I have plenty of others if you don't like the subject of this one. Do you ever just want to be a raindrop? Falling and falling until you hit the ground and that's when it all ends. **This fanfic will contain many mentions of lyrics to many bands in the chapters. just thought I'd give the heads up d( *u* )b **

(NOTE: Yes, I know the timeline and facts are going to be a little bit off, it's a story, not an autobiography - don't come at me lol - just enjoy! Thank you for reading.) Dan and Phil were just two nerdy guys who became friends online, and began making YouTube videos for their own hobby and joy. Little did they know just how big it would become over the many years. In these years, they had poured in so much hard work, and dedication, only to face the toxicity of the internet amongst fans. Yet, they navigated their way through everything, pushing through and battling their own mental health in the process. But happens when Dan isn't content just being friends.. how could he possibly navigate that? "This was the most fun I've ever had."

You met Dan in College and became close friends, even dropped out at the same time as him because of overwhelming stress, and your Depression and Anxiety. Your parents won't take you back in because they're abusive and always have been, so you have no where to go. That is until Dan saves you and takes you in. At his place you met Phil and instantly there's something about him that makes you fall in love. Phil and you bond immediately and he promises to help you through your depression and other problems, no matter how hard it may be.

[COMPLETED] (This was written before Dan came out! I am in no way meaning to invalidate his sexuality, I love him to death!) Based on Dan's video, "Would you date THE REAL Dan?" but it takes a twist. Said video has since been deleted due to an user request to Tinder's app. Rest in peace, Would you date THE REAL Dan?, 2017-2017. Forever in our memories, but never quite taking it to our hearts. Best Ranking: #1 in #danielhowell Warning: Contains sexual content and some other graphic imagery. ©yuhsuga, 2017

completed ~~ Dan comes from an abusive home, and the bullies at school aren't much better. Just when he thought his time was up, he meets a boy named Phil and thinks that life may finally be worth living. ~~ self harm, suicide, fluff, etc. ~~ vemod (n.) a tender sadness or pensive melancholy; the calm feeling that something emotionally significant is over and never will be back -----------------------------------------------------------------

update:: this was written about two years ago, the writing is quite bad, I apologize in advance //trigger warning// //dans pov// "do you love me phil ?" "maybe i do"

When Dan start school in a new place, he and Phil become friends fast. But what happens when things become to much? What happens when the only relief seems to be in harming? What happens when they start catching feelings for one another? But what happens when what Dan's been forced to do his whole life, emerges again, threatening to possibly separate them forever, especially when they need the other the most? *Contains: -fluff, smut -descriptive issues such as: self harm, abuse, suicidal thoughts PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED BY THESE THINGS stay safe *hugs*

After Dan Howell dies at the tragically young age of 26, he is greeted by death with a book. A book of every lie that anyone had ever told him. This seems like harmless fun but as he nears the end, he realized everything isn't as it seemed in life with his best friend, Phil Lester. Ship: Phan, Kickthesticks Genre: fluff/angst (no smut) Trigger Warnings: male X male, major character death, suicide, self harm, existencial questions, depression, abuse, torture situations, substance abuse and panic attacks. (i want all of you to be safe and happy whilst reading this so if you are triggered by any of these please don't read)

Phil Lester is a well known youtuber. He hides behind the camera, he acts the way that he wants to but he scared to be himself at school. He's popular and he's not happy like that. Dan is sweet and rarely talks. He is always afraid that somebody will hurt him so he tries to stay away from people and emotions. Dan struggles with depression, selfharm, bullies, anorexia, a dark past, and being fostered by an abusive family. His mom and dad died when he was 13 and he blames himself everyday. His 7 year old sister is the only thing keeping him alive and sane. Phil feels bad for Dan, but he can't show it unless he wants to get hurt to. Little does Phil know, Dan is quickly losing control of his life. Read this book to go on this adventure with Dan and Phil. (Will mostly be written in Dan's POV) WARNINGS: This story will have very triggering content that deals with self harm, depression, self hatred, anorexia, abuse, harsh language, bullying, mentions of rape, bulimia, and anxiety. Please be careful reading my book and I am always here to talk if you need it. Also, Dan is shorter in this book, about 5'9" cause I have a thing with height.

**A PHIL LESTER X READER FANFICTION** When I left my home town, my safe space... I thought I would make it. I thought I was finally gonna start my life out. My new beginning in London. But as I was there, things took such a horrid turn. I couldn't seem remember the feeling of real love anymore. Only the feeling of hatred, abuse, avoidance, control, pain, suffering, silence. God forsaken it was a beginning, but an end. • COVER CREDS TO @BREONNAISNOTONFIRE