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People always say, 'There's no reason to be depressed.' or 'what do you have to be depressed about.' alot of the times its, 'you seem fine to me.' yes, I do seem fine, but I'm breaking underneath the surface. They don't see behind the mask we all hold up. 'Everyone gets these feelings.' yes they do, but some are worse than others, yet its pain nonetheless. They don't understand what goes through our minds when we do things they think is crazy, like cutting. They don't understand that when we look in a mirror, we hate what we see. Or when you cry yourself to sleep at night for reasons that are still unknown to you. Those feelings of sadness, loneliness, desperation, anxiety. Those fears of being abandoned by the ones you love the most, or being a burden because you're sharing your feelings. They don't understand..... But I do. This book is for all those people that feel even one of these. You are not alone. *TRIGGER WARNINGS*

For years, I've been writing in silence, creating worlds, characters, and stories that lived only in the margins of my notebooks and tucked-away folders on my computer. Writing has always been my escape, something I've done for myself-a way to step out of reality for a moment and breathe through the lives of the people I've imagined. I've written and rewritten countless stories, always hesitant to share them, never quite confident enough to let anyone else peek into the depths of my mind. It's always felt like just a hobby, something personal, something safe. But deep down, I've carried a quiet dream of becoming a writer, even though it felt a little foolish to hope for something so big. Now, after pouring myself into this story for what feels like a lifetime, I've finally done it-I've uploaded all my chapters to ��������, sharing this piece of me with the world. I know I still have so much to learn, and I'm always striving to get better, but I would truly appreciate any feedback-good, constructive criticism that can help me grow. This is just the beginning, but it feels like a huge step forward. Thank you for taking a chance on this book. Whatever brought you here, whether it was curiosity, a recommendation, or just a moment of wandering, I am truly grateful.

They say what's in the past keep it in the past but I wanted to know all about my past. It was things that I didn't know and that I wanted and needed to know! But my life turned upside down when my past is exactly what I should have left alone. Now if you ask me how it all began, I don't exactly remember but I know it started when I moved in with my grandma who I haven't met in all my twenty years of living. I have been in and out of foster homes since I can remember, living with families I knew nothing about. Being the outcast and them constantly asking me what's wrong because I simply did not speak. The only thing that kept me sane was my good grades throughout school. I got the satisfaction of doing the one thing that people kept telling me over and over I couldn't do. I stayed to myself and graduated high school with honors, getting a full-ride scholarship to any college of my choice. Of course, by having this accomplishment, it didn't make it any easier for me between my foster families. To them, I became the girl who was better than them. But I didn't care because when I turned twenty I finally got to start making my own choices. This is where I wonder if the first choice I made was the right one. The first choice I made was to go live off-campus with my grandmother during my first semester in college. I ask myself how could I be so stupid? But you will see just how stupid I was. Or was I?

This is a daily updated journal/diary thing that started in January of 2018 and has not ended yet. There will be a part two to this book, because I've found writing in this book so relaxing and helpful when it comes to my mental health. • • • Sometimes I feel trapped. Like I can't tell people how I truly feel because they won't understand. This book is more for me than it is anyone else. I hope you get enjoyment out of it, but honestly, it's an outlet for me to express myself. I'm done keeping my emotions trapped inside myself. I'm truly done with that. If you want to read my emotions and my day to day life, go ahead. If your easily offended by my opinions I would suggest not reading this, because it's practically made for my opinions to be shared. If you hate me, read at your own risk, because this is me being my true self. Some things might not be good to read for those who are struggling with mental illnesses because I do describe my own experience with mental illness and describe horrible thoughts, so it might trigger you. If you ever need someone to talk to just dm me. Thanks for reading <3

I'm cold. I'm alone. I'm not angry... at least not anymore. But here I sit. Alone. And Numb. You think on a Friday morning I would be at the office busy with phone calls, returning emails, meeting with clients, and proving to my boss time and time again that I'm his girl to get shit done...to close the deal like I've done so many other times. But after a year of completely throwing myself in my work, sleeping at the office because I refuse to go back to my apartment and using the typical excuse that I stayed late to work on a project, and becoming emotionless to everything and everyone around me, my boss has had enough. "Hannah, you need a vacation. And it's not negotiable."

I like inflicting pain. Not on others but on myself. Some people would call me depressed but I'm not. If anything the pain makes me happy. I started "self harming" at the mere age of nine. Or at least, that's what she called it. My therapist, I mean. She ended up giving me a life time supply of antidepressants and some shitty advice. I'm now eighteen, rotting in jail, and awaiting my death sentence. This is my story and if I'm quite honest, you don't want to hear it. +++ awards: ➵ Winner, Short Story Category, "Summer Book Awards" @Capybara100 ➵ Overall Winner, "Summer Book Awards" @Capybara100 status: ➵ started - 19/08/17 ➵ finished- 07/11/18 note: ➵ Please don't copy me. I don't appreciate it and will block you and report you. No writer likes to be copied and neither do readers. Readers want something which is unique and original.

This is a bio about me and what I went through as a child. You see I was abused not just by both parents but my whole family. I know you guys probably heard about all of this before but I want to write this. It will help me forget about my past and let me move on. I was suicidal and I wanted to give up but I didn't. So this is a story of what happened before Ways To Stop Bullying and after it. Journey with me when you see the hell I went through and how I made it out to be the person I am today. To be honest this is something that scares me more than anything in the world by writing this. But I want to and need to. To be warned it will get ugly and it might not look that bad to most people who probably had it worse than me. But this isn't why I'm writing this to get sympathy I'm writing this so I can finally move on and say. I done this I lived through it. I doubt anyone would read this and if they do I doubt many will but I don't care I'm writing this for me and if it helps others? I'm glad so I don't know what else to say so this is all.

Welcome to the inner workings of my mind. The thoughts and emotions I battle and the imaginary scenarios I dream up sometimes. Think of this is as my own public diary. . I will warn there are some themes surrounding mental health, self harming thoughts and actions, and talk of traumatising events. Please check tags for trigger warnings.

[BWWM] I was only twelve years old when the world turned cold. The day my mom died in that car accident, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my heart. My dad, who had always been my hero, suddenly became a stranger, filled with rage and blame. He couldn't see that I was hurting, too; he only saw me as a reminder of his loss. The accusations cut deep. He said it was my fault for being there, for not doing something to save her. For being the reason she was in the car in the first place. In the years that followed, things only got worse. The abuse started gradually-a harsh word here, a shove there-but it escalated, leaving scars that I carried long after the physical pain faded. I was drowning in my own despair, struggling to keep my head above water while my father's anger raged like a storm around me. I only had a break from his anger when I started living with Aunt Dina-my mom's older sister. Well, that was because she found me nearly dead on my bed after I took a dozen pills. I was tired of living. I had hit rock bottom. The harsh whispers that followed me around and the stares at school. I pretended not to notice, like it didn't bother me. But it did. I was alone. Then came Athalia, a ray of sunshine cutting through my darkness. With her, I felt something I hadn't felt in years-happiness. She became my light through the darkness and my lifeline. ••••••••••• ● Warnings ⚠️ ~ Mention of suicide ~ Anxiety attacks ~ Rape attempt ~ Mention of self-harm ~ Depression

I gave the best of myself to someone who didn't have anything to lose. I didn't know how to avoid my lover's toxic and abusive flames. My lover's twisted words were like a maze inside of my head that I couldn't escape. Sadly, my lover's actions hypnotized my thoughts and paralyzed my thinking. I learned the hard way that love isn't leaning in for a kiss, and a fist meets you halfway. Love isn't being a punching bag because someone decided they wanted to beat on you today. Love isn't saying I love you just because someone wants to keep you to themselves. I tried to be there for my lover, but I learned it is impossible to fix the broken pieces when the glass has shattered. There will always be pieces that are not repairable. However, I kept going right back to the person who I needed to walk away from. I was afraid, and I wasn't brave enough to wake up from this nightmare! I made the choice to suffer when life is meant to be lived and enjoyed. Will I find the courage to know my worth and know that I deserve better than the distasteful lies that are whispered in my ears? Will I have the strength to fight my insecurities? Will, I set myself free, or will I let my love be the death of me?