Nyctophilia

I sit on the edge of my bed, tears still running down my cheeks 

What the fuck is wrong with me? 

"FUCK" I shout throwing my cover off the bed as the memories keep replaying in my head

 I open my mouth to speak but no words come out.

I just wanna say it back

"Lisa. I'm asking you, for one chance. Please?" 

Jennie looks at me with pleading in her eyes as I open and close my mouth repeatedly

"i-i need to think first. I-I don't know if it will work"

Her hazel eyes flash hurt, tears rising slightly in them as she nods as steps back

Come back. I didn't mean it

"O-okay, w-well just call me wh-when your ready i guess" she whispers, every other word coming out of her mouth sounding like it's breaking her heart

I step forward, but don't touch her.  I just look at her. She looks up at me and smiles sadly, tears pushing out her eyes as she walks into the corner of my room, fading from my sight

I sink to the floor and allow the tears to spill

There's something wrong with me

I don't think it'll work? I know for a damn fact it will. And even if it doesn't I'll try my fucking hardest to make it work

I curl up on the floor and bury my head in my hands, trying to hold the tears in so I don't get a noise complaint.

Though at this rate, if I get a noise complaint, and end up homeless, hopefully Jennie will come and let me stay with her, and then I can fix the mess I put us in.

My head starts to ache, and my eyes start to burn.  

The pain in Jennie's voice, the way she looked at me and smiled, even though i had practically broken her heart. The look of sadness she gave me before leaving

I'll never forgive myself for making her look like that

<-------------------------------------->

"Wake the fuck up Lisa! Our assignment needs to put together for tomorrow" Jisoo shouts down my ear

I open my eyes and look around the room, instantly noticing that I'm no longer on the floor but now on the bed, tucked in and the things I threw yesterday are now neatly back in place

Jennie

Tears well up in my eyes and I instantly put my head back underneath the covers

"I don't care about this fucking project!" I shout in between my cries.

Chaeyoung moves the cover back, so I cover my face with my hands, the tears never stopping

"hey, what happened? was it the date?" she asks softly sitting down beside me as she rubs my side.

Jisoo kneels in front of me, brushing small parts of my hair out of my mouth as I cry

" what did he do? i'll kill him y'know" she says seriously

no no that's not it, he didn't do anything except be a nice guy

"I don't care about the stupid project! I wanted to tell her but I couldn't. I only want her!" I sob, the pain refilling with each word that leaves my mouth

"so you are on about Jennie?" Jisoo asks slowly, and I can tell that she's probably confused

I don't answer, instead try to pull the cover back over my head to hide the shame that I'm feeling

I'm such an idiot. 

"But you have all the notes on it Lisa. You can't jus-" I cut Chaeyoung off and quickly jump out of the bed, making my way over to the computer and desk.

Those fucking notes. 

I pick up the note book and walk to the bathroom. I open the door and throw it in there, flushing it. The pages instantly soak up the water.

I leave the bathroom and turn on my computer, Jisoo and Chaeyoung looking at me questionably

But I don't care.  This stupid project is what got me here in the first place.  I couldn't give a damn if I fail my entire course track, Jennie's out there thinking I'm gonna abandon her like some stray dog

I quickly type in the pass word and go onto my search history. I clear every single thing related to Jennie and this whole thing off my history and close the computer back down

I grab my phone and stare at Jennie's contact number. I pay no mind to Jisoo and Chaeyoung who are still staring, but more in awe then shock now,  and dial the number

The person you have called cannot be reached at the moment. Please leave a message after the tone *beep*

I take a deep shaky breath and start to talk

"I don't care about the project. I- I've gotten rid of everything I made note of. P-please just call me, or come here? I- I really need to talk to you"

I don't say much, but I still feel the tears drip onto my cheeks as I hang up.

Chaeyoung makes her way over to me and hugs me tightly and strokes my hair

"It'll all work out. I promise"  she whispers

a/n i was gonna make this a lot more angst-y, but i wont cause eh. and this whole book is almost done too 😳