? ??? ?????? ? ~ ??????

* just wanted to say for now there will be no image for this chapter, but I'll try to finish it as soon as possible ( edit : I probably won't make any art for this book for now, my motivation is dead,, sorry )*

~ Russia finally realized what he was feeling towards America for a long time now. What he felt really was love. However Russia was still a little confused from stuff. Was he gay? He didn't know much about this stuff, and didn't want to ask America because he would find out about his feelings. Russia was still left wondering what he really was.. until today ~

🇷🇺 Russia's Pov 🇷🇺

It was this weekend I realized I really am in love with America. It all made sense to me. Me feeling happy whenever he's around, being a blushing mess, the warm feeling in my chest, apparently butterflies in my stomach? All of those made sense now. And how do I know what the feeling is? I felt it before.. but for a female.

I was seriously confused. Am I gay? Straight? What else is there? Well I do like a boy.. maybe the female one wasn't truly a crush? I don't understand. I really don't.

My thoughts were interrupted when I came to the school. Canada came towards me.

Canada : „Hey Russia!"

Russia : „Hello Canada, something's up?"

Canada : „I just wanted to say hi but actually yes something did happen"

Russia : „What do you mean? Is it something bad?"

Canada : „America apparently caught a cold. He started to sneeze a lot and then mom went to check on him and boom turns out he has a cold. So I just wanted to inform you he won't be in school for few days. Maybe he will come next week or this Friday, can't tell"

I felt the biggest guilt I could possibly feel. I was the one who took Ame out , it was because of me.

Russia : „Oh my god... Canada I was the one who took him out in cold, I'm so sorry I .. I feel horrible. But how is he? Is it bad?"

Canada : „Russia calm down! Why should you feel horrible for that? When he came home he was the happiest I've seen him in a while, he just appeared to catch a cold while being out with you. So don't blame yourself. I'm happy you both had fun that day. And yeah it's not that bad actually, the scarf you gave him helped a lot. I actually haven't seen him without it since past few days"

He smirked at me, thinking there was something between us. Well, there wasn't,, but I really was the one in love so,,,

I started blushing a little after he said that, then smiled.

Russia : „I-im glad it helped somehow"

Canada : „Hih, now want to go to class with me tall boy?"

Russia : „Sure thing maple boy"

Canada : „Hey maple is really good though!"

Russia : „Being tall also has its benefits you know"

We were just telling random stuff to eachother while going to class. Then all that happened was studying and hanging out with Canada and others. Other than that, nothing much. Without Ame it all felt empty at some point.

• a little time skip to wednesday •

Those two days were the death of me, and it looks like this whole week will be the same. Without Ame it all felt empty and boring, all I did was study and others didn't bring me quite the joy like Ame always did. I feel like I'm fixated on Ame way too much, but can you judge me? Look at that boy. A fucking angel.