Randomness

Prompt: Summer day, going on a trip but you aren't sure where

I woke up to the sun shining in my eyes, still tired, needing more sleep, reluctantly getting out of bed.  Today's the day that I am being forced to go on vacation. But I still can't choose where to go exactly. You see, I'm indecisive when it comes to things like this. Well, when it comes to deciding anything.
I was so used to my parents deciding everything for me. I was so used to them being there. Everyone tells me "Mary you're overworking yourself," or "You need to take off work for a while" They don't truly understand what it means to me though. It was my parents' company, before the crash.

Before the crash that changed my life.
Before the crash that started a new era.
Before I had to learn to raise myself.

I was only 13 when whenever I lost one of the only forms of happiness in my life. And I couldn't do anything to stop it.

My life was never the same after that day, and I don't think it ever will be. Five years later, once I turned 18, I decided to take over my parent's business. It was the last thing that I had of them. My dad's shirts stopped smelling like him, and my mom's recipes were slowly disappearing from my memories.

And that's where it began. I started to overwork myself, taking longer shifts and expanding the company. If I wasn't working I was sleeping. I had done nothing for myself in 6 years, using the job to distract myself from the pain that had never left me since the day they left this world. I was only a child, not even able to say goodbye to my parents. I sometimes think back to that time, scolding my old self for not going to their funeral, now wishing that I had. I know that my 13-year-old self couldn't let myself feel the pain, and  if I did, I would completely break into pieces, becoming broken, and unfixable.

***

  I get taken out of my thoughts as the sound of knocking rings through my apartment.