Different But Unique

TW's:
-Gender dysphoria/self hate

George's POV

It was Saturday, Clay and I were going to go swimming. I was really scared and I had been thinking about excuses I could come up with to not go swim, but just lay down. I was sure Clay would understand, he was always sweet to me anyway.

I left my place at ten in the morning to go to Clay's place. I walked there and arrived at his place ten minutes later, just as planned. I rang the doorbell, seeing Clay run to the door behind the window. He opened the door and smiled brightly.

'GEORGIE!'

'Hi,' I smiled.

Clay started jumping up and down and hugged me tightly, grabbing my hand after that to pull me with him. 'GEORGE, I NEED YOUR HELP.'

'Okay, with what?'

'I HAVE THREE SWIMMING SUITS, I WANT TO WEAR THE ONE YOU LIKE THE MOST.'

I smiled shyly and nodded. 'I will help.'

'OKAY, COME.'

Clay pulled me upstairs to his room and pointed at the three swimming suits on the bed. 'I must be honest here, Clay. I'm colourblind and I can only see that that one is blue.'

'OKAY, I WILL WEAR THAT ONE, do you have a swimming suit?'

'Uh- I didn't really have one at home,' I muttered.

'DO YOU WANT THE BLUE ONE? I will wear this one, it's green.'

'You're way taller than me, I don't think they will fit.'

'Do you not like swimming?' Clay then asked sadly.

'I do like swimming, but I'm just really insecure about my body.'

'YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL,' Clay yelled and he started running through the room.

'Clay, I uh- can I tell you something?'

'Of course.'

'Uh- I really like swimming, but I'm still a little bit insecure and shy at the moment. Would it be fine for me to just watch the first time we go swimming?'

'OF COURSE, GEORGIE.'

I smiled and Clay looked at me. 'I NEED TO CHANGE.'

I giggled. 'I will leave.'

'You can stay!' Clay yelled and he pulled off his shirt out of nowhere, just as his sweats. He pulled on his swimming suit over his boxers and ran around. 'LOOK.'

He ran around through the room to show me his swimming suit and he jumped on his bed, pushing me down. He covered my face with kisses and rolled around over his bed.

I was a bit flustered by him wearing no shirt and I looked at him shyly. Clay noticed and smiled. 'CHEST.'

'I can see that,' I giggled. 'You're handsome.'

Clay giggled. 'NOT MORE HANDSOME THAN YOU.'

'Hey, come here. We are going to calm down a little, okay?'

Clay nodded and I laid down, holding him against my body. I shyly rubbed over his chest and his back and Clay rested his head on my chest. He started playing with the strings of my hoodie again and looked up at me after a while. 'Georgie?'

'Yes?'

'Can I ask you something again?'

'Sure.'

'Uh- you don't have to, but I really like you a lot. Do you think you would be ready to be my boyfriend?'

I smiled shyly and I ran my hand through Clay's hair. 'I think I'm ready. I really like you a lot too.'

'REALLY?' Clay screamed and he sat up, holding my shoulders. 'ARE YOU MY BOYFRIEND NOW?'

'I am,' I giggled.

I saw Clay's eyes suddenly filling with tears and he jumped up. 'I'M SO HAPPY,' he yelled as I saw a tear roll down his face. 'I HAVE THE MOST HANDSOME AND AMAZING BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD.'

I smiled, but I stared at my hands. I felt terrible for lying to him. He would want to touch or see me someday and it would appear that I didn't even have what he would have liked for me to have. I got even more sad when I saw Clay running around because he was so happy to be my boyfriend.

I really liked him, I was genuinely in love with him. I was only lying to him, because I was way too scared to come out. I finally had someone who liked me, I finally had someone who loved me the way I loved him. I didn't want to lose him and I was sure I would.

He kept pointing out how gay he was, but my body didn't even look like a boy's body yet. I didn't have enough money for that either and I would probably never.

Clay pulled on a shirt again and jumped next to me on my bed, holding me tightly. 'KISS?'

I smiled shortly. 'You can kiss me whenever, you don't have to ask me.'

'I still don't want to mess anything up and I can be very impulsive.'

'That's fine, you can kiss me.'

Clay smiled as he pressed his lips on mine, kissing me softly, but passionately at the same time. He cupped my face and rolled on top of me to kiss me better. I was so sad and happy at the same time, I didn't even know how to feel anymore.

I loved kissing Clay, I loved Clay and I loved both the fact that I was his boyfriend now, but I was so scared at the same time. I was so scared for him to suddenly touch me somewhere and notice I wasn't meeting his expectations.

I tried concentrating on the kiss again and I melted away in his gentle touch. I was so in love with him and I hated the fact I was lying to him. I just really didn't want him to leave me, just as everyone had done so far.

I wasn't lying that badly, I was insecure about my body. Just because of different reasons than he thought. I could just tell him I was asexual and I would rather not have him touch me down there. I felt more hopeless any second. Of course I couldn't tell him I was asexual, he would want to see it someday.

I pushed the thoughts away and focussed on the current moment with Clay kissing me. I love him more than I loved anyone, I even loved him more than anyone had ever loved me.

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