Escaping you |EDITING|

Chapter 10-Atlas

"It's okay. I forgive you. And you never lost your sister, Elias. But just please explain to me, why are you taking pills?"

"I don't want to take them, Atlas. I started using them in New York when everything was happening with your panic attacks."

I feel my heart drop. I'm the reason he does this.

"I just, I wanted a way out and so I went to a party, and I took some pills. But after a while I couldn't stop. I still can't."

"This has been going on for a year?"

"Yeah, about that."

"I'm so sorry Eli. I'm sorry I made you feel bad for lying when this is all my fault. I'm so sorry." I start to tear up.

"It's not your fault, Atlas. A lot more went into it."

"Are you still taking them? Now?"

He sighs.

"I don't want to answer that. Don't make me answer that."

"You already did."

"You need help Eli. You need treatment. You need to tell mom and dad, or get Zach to help, he's an adult. just get some help. I can't lose you."

"You won't. I've got it under control. I promise."

"When did you last take them?" I ask him.

"Today. Earlier." He says, quietly.

"What?"

"I took some today, okay?"

"It's not a big deal. Just leave me alone about it. I've got the pills under control."

"No you don't Eli! You took some TODAY. You're high right now." I notice his dilated pupils.

"You obviously don't have it under control. I need you to be okay. I need you to get some fucking help. I can't stand by and watch you destroy yourself. Go get some help or I'm telling mom and dad."

"I don't want to tell them, but if it means I keep you safe I will." I add.

"Jesus fucking Christ Atlas this is why I don't tell you anything. You're such a child. You're 16 years old. Don't pretend you get this. Don't pretend you understand. You had the fucking panic attacks. Everyone was so concerned about you that nobody noticed the pills and that's the way I wanted it. You were the center of fucking attention. Just leave me alone." He snaps.

I feel tears pool in my eyes. He's right. He's so right. I had panic attacks. Everybody was no focused on me no one noticed his problem or that he was struggling too. It's my fault. Everything is my fault.

"Atlas, I didn't mean that, I'm so sorry."

I can't breathe.

Why is this happening again.

I'm proving his point.

I can't breathe.

I can't breathe.

4.....7.....8.....

4.....7.....8

I can't breathe.

"Atlas. Listen to the sound of my voice."

I hear Everette. I can hear him.

"Okay breathe in with me. 4 seconds in alright."

4 seconds in.

"Okay good hold it for 7 seconds."

Hold for 7 seconds.