???? ?? ??? ??? | ????? ?????? ?

March 21st 1747

I married Claire out of a sense of duty to Eira and to my children. I had been trying to convince myself of this all day, but in truth, the only thing I could think of was getting Claire out of her dress and into my bed.

I felt nauseated by that thought.

It had been almost two months since my Eira had died, and I was already wedding another - taking another woman into my bed. I was already allowing another woman to be my children's mother.

"Jamie, are ye sure this is the right decision?" I didn't bother looking over my shoulder at Jenny, who I knew had come into the room holding Alice, my baby daughter, named for both her mother and her soon-to-be stepmother - Alice Eira Claire MacCraig Fraser. "Ye dinna have to marry Claire if ye're not absolutely sure." Jenny paused, "I'd take care of the bairns, ye ken that -"

"Eira made Claire promise to take care of the three of them, and me." I paused, "I dinna really have a choice in this, Jenny, Eira made it for me. This is what she'd want -"

"I kent how jealous Eira was of Claire and the affection which ye had for the women at times - do ye really think that she'd want ye to marry her?"

"Jenny," I huffed, turning and walking across the room. I stopped in front of her and took Alice from her arms, checking to be sure that she was as happy as she could be before I handed her back, "I kent my wife better than ye did, and I ken what she'd want me to do."

Jenny sighed, shaking her head. "Ye ken best, brother," her tone implied that she strongly disagreed, "ye always do."

"Aye," I nodded, "and ye dinna. Now leave me."

I turned my back on her and went to continue getting ready.

Claire Beauchamp's POV

Her body was barely cold and I was already jumping into her bed - well, not her bed. The mattress that she had died on had been so bloody that it had been burnt the same day that she had died, and a new one ordered from Edinburgh. Jamie had moved back into the house - much to our surprise and happiness, and to his trepidation - and neither he nor I had been back into the room that Eira had died in since the day she had passed.

We kept the door locked.

Even the children stayed away, crossing the hallway to walk on the other side to avoid going near it, though this was an unconscious practise on their part.

Little Alice was a joy, and I adored her. I could almost imagine that she was mine - with her ebony black hair and small smile, which I knew was a little premature, she was perfect.

"Auntie Claire?" I jumped, startled from my thoughts. I turned on the little stool which had been placed in front of the new vanity - a wedding gift from Jenny and Ian - and saw wee Jamie standing on the doorway.

"What is it, darling?" I asked him, holding one arm out for him to come for a cuddle. He came closer, but stopped just short of me. "Are you alright?"

"Why are ye and da getting married?"

I bit the inside of my cheek - an awful habit that I had, "well, Jamie, when two people love each other very much -"

Not that spiel, Claire, I silently chastised myself.

"But I thought that da loved mummy?"

"He did - he does," I corrected, "and he loves you and your sisters very much, too... he's just trying to do what's best for everybody -"
"If da marries ye today, does that mean he's not married to mummy anymore?"

"Sweetheart," I picked him up and sat him on my lap, running my hand which had been resting on his back through his thick red curls, "your daddy will always be married to your mummy, but she's not here anymore and -"

"Uncle Ian says ye canna be married to more than one person a time, or it's a sin."

"Uncle Ian is right, Jamie," I said, "but it's okay to marry again if your first husband or wife is up in Heaven, with the angels."

Jamie had told him that God had chosen his mother to join Him in Heaven as an angel, and that as an angel, Eira would always be watching over her three children and their family.

"Do they marry in Heaven?"
Gee, thanks a lot, Eira, I thought, you've left me with an inquisitive child.

"I don't know, sweetheart, if I'm honest."  

He looked pensive for a few seconds before turning on his heels and leaving the room without another word.

I sighed and went back to styling my hair, ignoring the sound of footsteps behind me.

"I ken yer secret, Claire."
"I know you do, Jenny." I looked at her using the mirror in front of me.

"Why are ye doing this?"

"Doing what?" At her cryptic question, I turned to look at her properly. She was holding Alice, who looked to be sleeping. I got up and crossed the room, taking my soon-to-be stepdaughter from her.

"Marrying my brother."

I looked away from sweet Alice's cherub-like face and scowled, "what has it got to do with you? As long as Jamie and I are both happy -"

"Is he though?" Jenny asked, glossing over my earlier rudeness, "is my brother happy with ye, Claire?"

"Of course he is." I stuck my nose up.

I liked Jenny, sure, but at that moment, I hated her. Who was she to question mine and my soon-to-be husband's happiness?

She snorted.

"And if he isn't now, then he will be soon."

"The love of his life died not two months ago, and ye've a'ready jumped in and got yer claws in him, Claire," Jenny frowned, "I didna think ye were that kind of woman -"
"What kind of woman?"
"A whore, Claire," Jenny took a deep breath, evidently steaming with me. "I'll ne'er insult ye again, Claire, because after today ye'll be Jamie's wife and I'll respect ye just because of it - but let it be kent that I detest this marriage and I detest ye." She took Alice back - almost snatched her from my arms, actually - and then she left the room.

I was alone, the weight of her words weighing me down like an anchor does to a ship.