Finding a Way: Mass Effect 1

When the Normandy had arrived Kaidan had carried Shepard's limp body to the med bay. He stayed out of Dr. Chakwas' way but couldn't bring himself to leave. If she died because of his damn curiosity he'd never forgive himself.

"Kaidan, go get cleaned up and get some rest," Dr. Chakwas finally admonished him. "She's stable and not likely to wake up any time soon."

He had grudgingly listened to her. After getting out of his armor, hitting the showers, giving Anderson his debriefing, and grabbing a nap and a bite to eat, he found himself back in the med bay leaning against the wall and staring at her prone form. She periodically tossed her head from side to side, like she was having bad dreams.

Finally, he heard a sharply indrawn breath and saw her jerk, opening her eyes. "Doc!" he called

She pressed a hand to her temple as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed, facing away from him.

"Welcome back, Shepard," Dr. Chakwas said. "You gave us a bit of a scare. How are you feeling?" She ran her omni-tool over the Commander's head.

"Five alarm headache, but otherwise fine. How long was I out?"

"About fifteen hours."

"What the hell happened?"

"It's my fault, ma'am," he spoke up, drawing the gaze of both women. "I got too close to the beacon. Let my curiosity get the better of me. Must have triggered some kind of security measure and you had to push me out of the way."

"Don't beat yourself up, Kaidan, there's no way you could have known what would happen."

He had been prepared for her to tell him not to let it happen again, to do better, be smarter. That's what the CO at his last posting would've said. But she wasn't mad or disappointed. He found himself tentatively returning her slight smile.

"The beacon exploded and knocked you out cold. The only abnormality I could find was an unusual spike in brain wave activity and REM. Like you were dreaming."

"More like having a fucking nightmare," she whispered, squeezing her eyes closed and pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Shepard," Anderson said as he walked in, "good to see you up. Think you can handle a debriefing?"

Kaidan took the hint and saluted as he left.

He filled the rest of his day with busy work and then hit his bunk to try and get some sleep, but just couldn't seem to nod off. It was thus he found himself sitting at a table in the mess at 0100 reading a 21st century sci-fi novel when Shepard came around the corner holding a steaming mug of tea.

She looked exhausted but gave him a small smile as she said, "Can't sleep, either?"

He shook his head. "Keep seeing Jenkins and all those dead colonists."

"Yeah. I wish I could've done something more to save him," she shook her head.

"I was there, Commander. You did everything right, everything by the book. It was just bad luck."

"Doesn't make it suck any less."

He nodded and they fell silent for a bit.

"You told Dr. Chakwas about a nightmare. Is that why you can't sleep?" he finally asked.

She nodded. "Except, I don't think...." She stopped and huffed a laugh, "Never mind, you'll think I'm crazy."

"Try me."

Her eyes were haunted when they met his. "I don't think it was just a dream, Kaidan. It was more like...a vision. Something the beacon burned into my mind. Only, I can't make sense of it. There's voices screaming, weapons fire, whole cities and planets burning, and through it all this horrible, metallic...roar."

"That doesn't sound crazy, Shepard. It sounds terrifying."

She nodded absently and sipped her tea.

"I heard Pressly say we're headed back to the Citadel. I imagine the Council isn't too happy about Nihlus' death and Saren going rogue," he said, changing the topic.

"Nope. I didn't know until just before we arrived at Eden Prime, but the whole reason Nihlus was here was because they were considering me for Spectre candidacy."

"No shit!" he said. If the Council allowed a human to join the ranks of their elite Spectre forces it would be a huge step towards humanity taking a place as a major player in galactic politics and getting a seat on the Council.

"Well, I'm not holding my breath, now. When the person who's supposed to evaluate and recommend you dies on the mission you're ostensibly leading.... plus one KIA and the beacon not recovered – that's a mission failure if ever there was one."

"They can't seriously blame you, Shepard. Jenkins wasn't your fault. Nihlus was killed by another Spectre. And the beacon tried to kill you."

"C'mon, Kaidan, we both know they will. Bureaucrats like having the explanations, someone to blame when it all goes wrong; everything tied up nice and neat."

He hated admitting it, but she was right. "You're right. Sorry."

She shrugged. "Yeah. Anyway, I really should try and sleep."

He nodded and said goodnight as she stood. He picked up his book again, but looked up as she said, "And Kaidan...thanks. For listening."

"Anytime," he replied, his heart skipping at her smile.