Rekindling- Pico x Keith/BF

13- Where'd Your Love Go?

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the teacher starting role call and saying his name. Keith quickly stood up and did a little wave, keeping a big grin on his face as he said "Aye, aye captain!" The other students always liked when he said things other than just 'here' or 'present', because it made the teacher get this irritated furrow in her brow and give him a 'look'. Just the other day Gavin had asked him how he was so brave to do that when she was so scary. He'd shrugged saying "I guess that's just part of growing up," in the most nonchalant voice he could muster. Gavin had looked at him like he'd hung the moon. He was quickly becoming popular, and Penny, who'd been in his class last year, had already invited him to her Saturday pool party.

He didn't really care about her pool party. He'd much rather stay home and cry in anger at how everyone seemed to think Sarah was so much better than him. But saying no would hurt her feelings, so he'd nodded his head and asked his mom after school.

That Saturday, Keith was strapping on his sandals when his little sister ran in with a beach towel tucked under her arm. Goggles already hung around his neck, and he wore the swim shorts with the palm trees on them underneath his normal clothes. As she handed it to him, she gushed about how jealous she was. Keith ignored her, peering out the window in hopes that Penny's mom's shiny red van would pull into the driveway soon. The kids in class didn't like talking to third graders, they said they were too little. He was starting to understand what they meant. Too little, and too annoying.

Finally, he caught a glimpse of the car rounding the corner and leapt up, scooping up his things on his way to the door. Sarah followed him the whole way, tugging at his arm. "Oh, I wish I could go! Rosa won't invite me to any of her parties," she pouted, brown hair falling in curls across her forehead. Keith sighed through gritted teeth, not looking at her. "Well, mom and dad will make you a billion parties for every one you don't get invited to." She looked up at him in confusion. "What do you mean?" She scoffed, rolling her eyes much too slowly in a way the other kids probably had decided was cool. "Who cares about mom and dad? You're way luckier, I don't want parties from them."

Finally, Keith snapped, whipping around in anger. "You're always acting like you've got it so hard. You're so ungrateful! You could make a paper airplane and mom and dad would celebrate. Don't you ever think about anyone except yourself?"

He could already see confused tears welling up in her eyes, wringing her hands anxiously. He was sure she didn't understand why her always happy-go-lucky brother was so grumpy all of a sudden. Well, maybe he was done being happy all the time. He swallowed down the guilt rising up in his throat and ran out the door.

(When he got home, to find that Sarah hadn't told anyone, he hugged and soothed her as she cried and said she was sorry. It wasn't her fault, he knew that, and he told her so. He held back the prickling in his eyes when mom and dad read her a bedtime story so late that they didn't have the time to read his.)

~~~~

Keith shook his head at the memory, trying to dispel the remaining thoughts. That was forever ago, why was he still dwelling on it? It'd been over a decade since then. Besides, things were much the same. He knew that if she was aware of how he felt, she'd cry and hug him and say how sorry she was, and she'd mean it. He hated it when she did that, because it made him feel even more guilty, which made him hate it more because he knew how sad that would make her.

Regardless, he did his best to comfort himself with the knowledge that he had time. He could hang out with Pico, maybe pick out a costume for Halloween, skateboard past Cherry's to see if she'd left a sign that she was free (a yellow post-it in her window). Stupid fights over pool parties and finger painting were long gone now, and he wasn't helping anything by sticking on it. He was lucky, he had a good family, and he knew these feelings were irrational.

So he did his best to swallow them down.