Flatlined Heart

Author's Note: Hi, yes it's been forever and then some more. This chapter was really really hard for me to write, because the episodes regarding this part of the plot is so Madison and Nick centered, and became boring when I tried to be too faithful to the original.

Five attempts later I'm still not really happy with it but I'm accepting that I probably cannot do better without completely altering the original planned plot. Here is chapter 17, written to the song "Another Love".

Alicia climbs the ladder once again, cold metal rungs a sharp contrast against her sweaty palms. This time, she can see where she is headed. Her boots hit the cement floor with a thud and she looks around. There are two lamps lighting up the place, one bigger than the other, but neither particularly nice. Perhaps it really was the magic of Elyza that made this place come to life the night before.

Gretchen and her friends settle around the low table, looking at her expectantly, so she plops down on the couch. At least it is a familiar seat so she can't be caught off guard. It is odd to think that barely a year ago she wouldn't have cared about something like safety and having an upper hand in case of a surprise attack. In normal society, this would be paranoid.

Music starts thrumming (not at all the type that Alicia would listen to), and they light a smoking pipe. They seem eager to show her the cut off head of a zombie that they named Geoff. Alicia just thinks it's a rather bad taste in decoration. What is this, Harry Potter: The Undead? This isn't 12 Grimmauld Place. Yet, it is this ridiculousness that makes Alicia smile with them as they all laugh at the head. It really was like they were in a fantastical movie. If only Alicia could wake up and be normal, but there never had been normal for Alicia Clark ever since she started gaining the memories of Lexa kom Trikru.

Alicia just wants to be herself tonight. So she takes the pipe and she takes a huff. Her world turns hazy, and when a boy says, "Geoff wants to know what it's like out there."

She can't lie to the kids who haven't seen what she has. They have a right to know what is outside of the walls that imprison them. "Chaos. Ruin. And it changes you." Alicia's not sure what she's referring to outside of these walls. Indeed, she's not sure of what walls she's talking about. The walls of the bunker? The ranch? Or perhaps her heart.

They all nod, soaking this information in like it is the most precious drop of water and they are dehydrated in the middle of the desert.

Gretchen smiles easily. "Geoff wants to know, what bad stuff have you done out there?"

"I killed a man." It is a lie. She has killed dozens. Lexa kom Trikru killed tens of thousands with her decisions.

The kids look back at her, slightly unnerved, slightly disturbed. Exactly how people should look at her in a world that isn't sick, twisted, and wrong. It's how she would look at herself. How does Elyza not look at her like that? But she knows the answer because she could never look at Elyza that way either. Perhaps that is why they understand each other so well. They fit together like a puzzle of tortured bits and traumatized parts. "How did it feel?"Gretchen slurs out, asking the question that the rest of them are probably itching to ask despite their disgust.

"Easy",Alicia breathes it out, barely audible. It's not a proud admission. There's a line that once crossed nobody can ever go back. Alicia has been on that other side for too long. She envies these kids that have the ability to look at her like a monster.

She takes the pipe from them and inhales another puff of air. The time and space in front of her starts to blur. Alicia's not even sure what they talked about in the bunker the rest of the time. What she is sure of is that when they finally climbed out of the bunker at dawn, Elyza was waiting down the road, kicking at some rocks. Her head snapped up as she heard footsteps approaching.