Ineffable Euphoria

Panimula...

Diverse clamors filled my ears as soon as I step out of our porch. One moment they were in a deep debate about the current issue, but after they laid their eyes on me, they became noiseless as a deaf man in an empty church. I ignored the chatters and continued to wander and observe as they load countless bags relief goods.

"Ma'am, si Mayor ba?"

Hindi agad ako sumagot. Muli kong ipinalibot ang tingin bago umiling.

"I'm helping."

"Po?"

I know she heard me. Tinitigan ko lang ito. At nang natataranta s'yang nagbungkal ng kung ano-ano, muli akong bumalik sa paglilibot ng tingin.

"Giba nga ang bahay nila Aling Mercy doon sa kanila. Maski ang kainan sa tapat ng eskwelahan, alam mo ba?!"

"Talaga? Masarap pa naman ang ulam doon,"

"Hindi naman siguro titigil sa pagtitinda, pero malamang ay mahihirapan!"

"Bisitahin nga natin mamaya, at bigyan na rin ng relief goods,"

Rinig kong usapan ng dalawang nakaunipormeng natatandaan kong tauhan sa munisipyo. Nang mapansin ng mga iyon ang tingin ko ay pawang humina ang usapan ng dalawa.

It is indeed problematic that the earthquake yesterday play havoc with people inside the town, where of course Daddy's meant to handle. On account of that, we're all busy trying to mend those who are extremely affected.

Malamang until this issue is settled, hindi ko na naman makikita si Daddy sa sobrang busy.

Pinagmasdan ko ang ginagawa ng mga tumutulong sa paglalagay ng pagkain at essential kit sa bag bago tuluyang lumapit sa kanilang pwesto at dinampot ang isang bag doon.

"Iyan lang ba ang laman?"

The woman flinched as she turns to me before slowly nodding.

Tumango rin ako bago hinablot ang bigas, ilang damit, first-aid kit, at kung ano-ano pa. Medyo mabigat iyon, pero sa takot ko sigurong mabutas ang ilalim ng bag ay hindi naman nangyari.

I saw how they throw glances at each other and slightly frowns. I noticed it all, but just didn't mind it and continued packing the relief goods.

"Where should I put this, Ate?" I asked when I noticed some of them taking the packed goods to some place.

"Doon sa truck Marjorie,"

Akmang aalis ako bitbit ang isang bag nang pigilan nito ang braso ko. Nilingon ko iyon bago nag angat ng tingin.

"Naku, salamat sa tulong Marjorie, pero kami na riyan!"

"I can manage,"

"Baka marumihan ka!"

I stare at her before licking my lips. I glance at the others who are busy observing us instead of doing their duties, before letting out a forced laugh.

"I don't care. I won't die with just dirt or alikabok, ate."

Dad often tells me to act like this, act like that. Always be good, obedient. He always tells me to be cautious of everything I say and do, because many eyes are watching us and once they caught something inappropriate, everything will go sideways. Mommy on the other hand only cares about the poise. On how well do I show myself. She doesn't care about what I say, or what I'll do, what's important for her is I do it with power, elegance, pride and intelligence. But sometimes, I forget it all and just do whatever the hell I want on my way.

Mahirap magpanggap na ayos lang ang lahat, lalo na kung walang sense at nakakairita ang nangyayari.

Madalas akong kalmado, pero alam ko kung paano lumaban pag naaagrabyado.