Escaping you |EDITING|

23-Atlas

"Are you okay, baby?" My dad says and I nod

"Yeah."

"We didn't know it would be that big of a deal to you." My mother says and my heart breaks in two

She didn't know it would be a big deal?

How can she expect this to be anything less than a huge fucking deal?

"Baby we don't want an answer right now, or anything we just wanted to suggest it." My dad says tenderly, his eyes sorrowful.

"I'm gonna-" I point to the living room and pull Everette behind me

I sit down on the couch and my eyes roam the room, the floors, the walls.

"Atlas talk to me." Everette says and he sits down beside me

"I don't- I just- I don't think I want, I don't know if I can handle you being in there, I'm sorry- I don't know what's wrong with me-"

My voice is breaking in and out and tears are rolling down my cheeks, blurring my vision.

"Nothing is wrong with you." Evertte wraps his arms around me, not necessarily hugging me but just simply letting me know he's there.

"I'm not going to do anything that you aren't completely and 100% comfortable with, you hear me?" He tilts my face to look at him

"Not ever, Atlas. I'd feel a little weird about sleeping in there, too."

I nod and kiss his cheek. He has very kissable cheeks.

He laughs

"Ev, I really am not completely comfortable with you taking his room, but I think-"

I stop myself, I don't even know if I really believe what I'm saying

"What? What is it love?" He brushes a piece of hair out from in-front of my eyes and I shut them, letting the feeling of his skin on mine distract me.

"I want to go in there. I haven't been in there since he died and I don't even know if I'm ready to do so but I think that I need to."

He nods

"Whatever you wanna do, do you want to tell your parents?"

"I'll tell them." 

Later

"You do not have to go in there Atlas." Everette squeezes my hand and I shake my head

"I need to do this." 

Truthfully, I need the closure. I was the one who found him there, lying lifeless on his bathroom floor. I was the one who helped Everette  pick him up and walk him across the hardwood on the other side of this door.

I need to do this.

I twist the knob and it clicks open, I push open and the door and as soon as I walk in I'm on the verge of tears again.

It smells just like him.

I stand in the middle of the room, Everette standing behind me and yet towering over me, his head nearly touching the ceiling fan and I let my eyes scan the room.

His bed, his closet, his guitar, his stickers. It's all the same. It's all him.

Without even realizing it my throats closing up and my face is hot with tears for what feels like the 100th time today, my heart pounding and my head is throbbing, My sobs coming out more like screams and Everette's hoodie only partially muffling the sound.

I pull away from him and with uncertainty I walk towards his bathroom.

"Baby-" concern laces Everette's voice and it makes my heart hurt.