Don't Save Me

Severus continually tried to apologize to Lily but she would hear none of it. Over time Severus started to wonder why I had even stayed friends with him. His insecurities began to show and I had to remind him constantly how much he meant to me. I was walking through the corridor with Severus by my side when Sirius appeared, tucking a piece of parchment in his robes before we could see it. The Marauder's Map! That little bastard! I thought to myself, realizing how he must've found Severus and I.

"Y/n! There you are!" he said, walking toward me, completely ignoring Severus. I took a step back but Sirius pulled me into a hug. Severus stood back, waiting for me in case I needed him. Sirius's arms were wrapped around my waist and I forgot how much I had missed him. I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his chest. He seemed surprised at first but his body relaxed as he held me.

"I've missed you," he whispered into my ear.

"I've missed you, too," I replied, inhaling his warm, earthy scent as he held me. I smiled softly to myself as I remembered our first meeting and how we had grown so close, but it quickly faded as I remembered how it all fell apart. I quickly pushed him away, tears filling my eyes as I tried to hold them back.

"Y/n..."

"Don't!" I turned toward Severus and the two of us walked away together. When we turned the corner, Severus stopped us, turning toward me. He gently lifted my chin and his eyes locked with mine.

"I'm sorry, Severus," I said as the tears finally slipped down my cheeks. His hand moved to my cheek. I saw anger flash in Severus's eyes as he pulled me into his chest, his chin resting on top of my head and his hands rubbing circles into my back and the back of my hair.

"Don't you dare apologize, Y/n... don't you dare. You have done nothing wrong." He pulled away and stared into my eyes, once again placing his hand under my chin. I could see a million thoughts running around behind his eyes as he carefully thought of what to say next.

"You miss them... don't you?" he asked, softly. I tried to look away but Severus would just gently turn my face back to him. I looked anywhere but his eyes, trying not to meet them. "Y/n... look at me." I looked up and his eyes locked with mine as he gently stroked my cheek with his thumb. "You miss them... don't you?" he slowly asked. Guilt rushed through me as I saw emotion in his eyes. A tear slipped down my cheek and Severus quickly wiped it away with the pad of his thumb. "It's okay, Y/n... you can tell me."

"I do," I sighed. "But it changes nothing. It doesn't matter if I miss them. I hate them."

"But you don't really hate them... Y/n."

"I hate what they did."

"It's okay to hate what they did but not hate them... Y/n, you've been through enough already. I don't want you to lose people because of me... even if it means you're friends with them and... and not me... even if it means I lose you."

"Don't you dare say that! You are not losing me! It's not because of you! It's because of what they did! They made their choice! Even if I forgave them... I am not losing you! They can go to hell!"

"Y/n," he soothed. "It's okay to be friends with us both. Just because I hate them doesn't mean you have to... you've lost enough." Sobs racked my body as the words left his lips. They overtook me and Severus pulled me into his chest once again. "It's okay, Y/n... I'm here." He pulled away only slightly, cupping my face in his hands and pushing the hair away from my face. "You can go talk to them, you know?"

"No... I feel like... if I talk to them, I'd be betraying you."

"You wouldn't." He smiled softly at me before continuing. "Go, Y/n... it's okay. You have to go back to your common room anyway... you might as well go back a bit early so you can talk to your friends."