Don't Save Me

Chapter 38: I'm Sorry

"You're a good friend, Severus... the best friend I've ever had."

"As are you, Y/n," he replied, softly kissing the top of my head before walking me back to my common room. When we arrived at the portrait, Severus pulled me into a hug.

"You deserve happiness, Y/n... I hope you know that," Severus said. The emotions I had been holding in for years were threatening to come out and I had to fight to keep them in.

"So do you, Severus... You deserve it more than anyone." I saw a hint of a smile cross Severus's features before he released me from the hug and walked away.

I crawled through the portrait hole and entered the Gryffindor common room. All eyes turned to stare at me as I entered the common room. Lily, James, Peter, Remus, and Sirius were seated around the fireplace. Sirius quickly jumped up and gently grabbed my arm.

"Y/n... can we talk... please?" he asked, softly. I reluctantly nodded, remembering Severus's voice assuring me this was okay. Sirius led me over to the couch and took a seat next to me, his hand still holding mine.

"So... talk," I said, wanting to get straight to the point. Sirius's fingers interlaced with mine and my breath hitched. What the hell?

"Y/n, we wanted to talk about what happened a few weeks ago," Sirius began, rubbing small circles into the back of my hand.

"So talk," I replied, focusing on keeping my emotions in check. I couldn't allow them to see me cry... to see how everything has been bottling up and it feels as though I might explode. I couldn't allow them to see how much I wanted to strangle James in this moment but also how I wanted to scream and cry... how much I wanted someone to hold me and tell me it was going to be okay... to tell me I wasn't as worthless as I had been told I was all my life.

"Well... uhm... we noticed you've been spending a lot of time with Snivel-," James began before I gave him a look that could kill. He quickly cleared his throat and began again. "Uhm... a lot of time with Snape... and... well, we miss you Y/n."

"Okay, is that all?" I pulled my hand away from Sirius, standing up and preparing to leave. Sirius quickly stood up, blocking my exit.

"Sirius... unless you have something to say, I suggest you get the hell out of my way," I hissed, suddenly feeling the overwhelming sensation of being trapped and growing angrier by the minute. Remus stood up, stepping next to me and wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"Y/n... James and Sirius have something they would like to say to you... if you'll listen," Remus soothed before glaring at James and Sirius. "Isn't that right, guys?" he hissed. James and Sirius reluctantly nodded before Remus led me back over to the couch and sat me down, Sirius on one side, Remus on the other. Remus glared at James and Sirius before clearing his throat.

"Y/n... We are sorry for what we did," James said. I scoffed, knowing his tone wasn't genuine.

"James," Remus warned.

"What do you want me to say Moony?! I hate Snivellus and I always will! I don't understand why Y/n is constantly hanging out with him!"

"James!" Remus yells, taking my hand in his.

"What do you want me to do, Moony!? Huh?! I apologized! What more do you want?"

" I want you to mean it! I want you to accept the fact that Y/n can hang out with people other than us!" Remus yelled, releasing my hand, as he stood up from the couch. James stood up, moving close to Remus as Sirius stood up, stepping in between Remus and James.

"This isn't helping anyone," Sirius hissed. He lowered his voice, trying not to let me hear, but I could still make out what he was saying. "James... if you don't want us to lose Y/n forever... we have to apologize." James relaxed and ran his hand across his face, clearly frustrated. He stepped around Remus and moved toward the couch I was sitting on. My body tensed, remembering the tension just moments ago. Remus and Sirius sensed this and moved to sit next to me.

"Y/n... I'm sorry for what I did. I went too far and I apologize," James said, genuinely. I looked away from him, tears forming in my eyes as I remembered the way Severus fell to the ground, remembering my own torture.

"Thank you for your apology," I said as I stood up. I stepped around him and began to walk away before I felt a hand gently wrap around my wrist.

"Y/n, wait.... Where are you going?" Sirius asked, turning me to face him.

"Uhm... to bed? Where else would I be going?"

"So... are we okay?" he asked. I scoffed before pulling my arm away from him.

"We are far from okay... but it's a start." I turned to walk toward my dormitory. As I left the common room I heard whispers and stopped to listen.

"Do you think she'll ever forgive us?" Sirius whispered. No one answered. Lily was the first to speak, asking a question of her own.

"Do you even think you deserve forgiveness?" she scoffed before I heard the couch shift and the sound of footsteps moving closer to me. I quickly ran toward my dorm, closed the door, and went to bed.