Feast ~Kaneki x Reader AU~

"Your mother passed while you were on your way home, right?" Kaneki asks, his voice soft as his focus remains fixated on me.

After my little outburst, we remained in silence for a while, the quietude cocooning us in a peaceful embrace. But after some time, he was ready to talk, and to be honest, so was I. There needed to be words exchanged and apologies given and those words and apologies led to this.

I nod, swallowing. "Yeah."

He scans me. "I thought I remembered you mentioning that before. I can only imagine how difficult it was to go home to that news."

I tighten my arms around my shins. "Yeah...it...it wasn't easy."

He once again observes me before continuing - though cautiously. "Do you...do you blame yourself in some way?"

"What do you mean?"

"Sorry. Blaming yourself isn't the right wording." He readjusts himself. "Do you sometimes get mad and blame your career for not being there? For not being able to say goodbye?"

I open my mouth to deny such a thought but close it immediately because what he says...it does...click. It registers and makes sense. Had I not been on that tour, I would've been in H/P. I would've been close to her, even if I hadn't been able to save her. I could have at least said goodbye to her.

A new batch of hot tears begins to well. "I don't like this. You being so...observant. It's not fun."

A faint smile bends his lips. "Honestly, I'm not that perceptive. Now, my friend, Hide...he's sensitive to these kinds of things."

I wipe some tears away, snorting, "Then I'd say you've learned from him."

"Maybe." He sits, watching me, his own eyes filled with so much pain, I can't help but wonder what else he's been through.

"You lost your mom, too, right?"

This question lingers in the air, a wave of tension stirring as Kaneki flexes his jaw, his eyes falling. It takes no rocket scientist to deduce that he wasn't expecting this turn, but there's a lot I wasn't expecting either.

"Yeah," he finally nods, "but she died a long time ago. I was still a kid, so I guess you could say I've had more healing time."

Have you, though? "But you were just a kid. That's a horrible thing to happen to a kid. Losing a parent. And you lost your dad before that."

"I don't remember him," he says quickly, looking at me. "I never really knew him. And my mom...a child losing a parent is horrific, but it happened a long time ago. I'm fine."

But those eyes. They're so big and full of sadness. I can see it. It's so clear. Does he really think that I can't see that? It's so evident. Then again, I suppose when he looks into my eyes, he sees that same pain. A perfect reflection.

I chuckle, causing him to raise a brow. "What's so funny?"

I shake my head. "Nothing, it's just, we're like mirrors."

"We're...like mirrors? How so?"

"Just look at us," I cackle, pointing at each of us. "I keep thinking I'm okay even though my mom just died a few months ago and you, even though your mom died years ago, are saying the same, but let's be real. Neither of us are okay. We're both still sinking in this pit of pain. How pathetic can we be?"

He cocks a brow. "This...doesn't make us pathetic. Is that how you feel about this? About still mourning your mom?"

My muscles go tense as I suck my lips in, a stray tear falling. "...maybe."

He once again readjusts his posture, his tone gentle and soft. "Still mourning your mom - especially after only a few months since her passing - doesn't make you pathetic or weak. I still mourn my mother and it's been years. It just means we miss them. There's nothing wrong with that."

Another tear rolls down my cheek, followed by another and another, then I speak, my voice croaky. "I miss her, Kaneki. And it hurts. It hurts so damn much."

Without speaking a word, he pulls me to him, wrapping his arms around me in a safe and secure hug. His chin rests on the top of my head, my face pressed to his chest, the beating of his heart strumming. Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump. My tears continue to fall, soaking his shirt as his fingers gracefully glide along my back.

"It does hurt," he finally says, his tone so low and soft. "It hurts a lot, and it'll always hurt. Some days will hurt more than others, but you know what? It'll get easier. When it first happened, you felt like you could barely breathe, right?"

I silently nod.

"And now, you can. It might hurt and be difficult, but you're doing it. Each day, it becomes more and more bearable. The first year after will sting and hurt, almost as if you're reopening an old wound, but the following years get easier. And before you know it, you learn how to live again." He swallows, his tone growing wobbly. "Missing your mom and mourning her doesn't make you pathetic or weak. It...it means you're living. It means you love her. That's all."

I think logically I've known this. All this time I've known this. This roller coaster of missing my mother and thinking I'm finally healing, only to fall and miss her again...deep down, I've known. The healing process is such a messy and bitter sore to heal. It takes time and patience.

"You're not weak," Kaneki repeats. "You're only living, and that's normal. It's perfectly fine."

I remain in his embrace for a bit longer before pulling away, looking up at him. Gazing back at me is a man who has seen and been through so much - more than he deserved, and at such a young age. Such sad eyes tell that much, but I know I've only scratched the surface when it comes to Ken Kaneki. Under those steel irises lies a whole other part of him that has yet to emerge in my presence, but whether bad or good or somewhere in between, I still see the hurt that's molded him.

I remain fixated on him, losing myself in those stormy eyes as he stares back, the air growing thick, but I don't care. I don't care that the world surrounding us grows blurry. I don't care that all I see is him. I don't care about any of that, and I don't think he cares either. Not with the way he looks back at me. Eyes so...focused and heavy with...something.

Hot. Something scorching and burning, flames flickering deep within his stare. So strong and sharp, nearly taking my breath away, while acting as this gravitational pull. And it pulls and it pulls until...

My lips meet his.

**Ello lovelies! Ha-ha! I have taken some control back. Some. Not much, but some is better than none. That said...Y/N and Kaneki. A kiss. Eh? Eh? EH? I know. Y'all most likely saw that comin', but hey! Still counts. Anyway, how are y'all doing? Y'all doing okay? I hope so! If you're not, then I hope things improve for you! Keep your chin up! Thank you so much for everything! Keep being you! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross