Privateer ~ Nikolai Lantsov

trigger warning:
past trauma, anxiety attack

(if you ever need to talk to someone i'm always here for you<3 )

As soon as we got to the little palace. We as in Alina, Mal, and the rest of the crew, and Grisha. Just not Nikolai or any of the royals. I ran to my old room to my bathroom to throw up. Seeing Vasily, and the feeling of his eyes on me had made me sick to my stomach. For a while, I couldn't even be near a man because of him.

I threw up any food that I had in my stomach which wasn't much. Leaning my head back to the wall sitting by a bucket.

I took a deep breath and shuttered at what the King called me. I couldn't repeat it if I wanted to. I felt disgusting and violated. I needed a second to myself. Seeing him again after months... made me sick.

I heard a slam of something outside the bathroom and a shuffle of feet.

"Hello?" I called out, then someone moved the curtains which were the entryway of the bathroom.

"Amelia," Zoya entered the Squaller who had decided to be faithful to the Sun Summoner. The girl had arguments and problems with Alina.

"Zoya, hi, as you can see I'm not doing so great right now why don't you go bother someone else?"

"I'm not here to bother you." She slowly approached me, "I expect it's hard to see your..." she paused and I nodded understanding, "again after being away."

"I suppose," I answered bluntly.

"I may not like you Amelia, but I feel for you. May I?" She asked pointing to sit next to me.

"Sure." She sat next to me.

"You know I don't want to say I've been through exactly what you have but I have been through something like this."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah, but I'm not going to talk about it." She warned.

"Oh, I don't expect you to."

"Good."

"Oh, you liar!" I heard screams outside of my safe space.

"What's going on out there?" I asked.

"We've had a little spat with Alina." She smiled. Of course. No matter how nice Zoya was being right now I needed to brush off my nauseousness and get out there to help her.

"Where are you going?" Zoya questioned.

"Out there."

"Why?"

I just looked at her and left still a little dizzy and sweaty but who cares?

By the time I got there Sergei, an old friend at the little palace, and Tolya were in a full-blown fight. Alina raised her hands in anger and prepared the cut. My eyes widened, "Alina no!" She looked to me and looked like she took in the reality of what she was doing and swerved the cut high. A big boom and crack were made with sunlight now in the building.

Grisha separated to corners of the room.

I ran up to Alina, her hands shaking. "What we're you doing?" I whispered. She looked up at the silent room ignoring me putting her hands back at her sides.

She spoke to the crowd of Grisha, "you think the Darkling is powerful? You have no idea what he is capable of. Only I have seen what he can do. Only I have faced him and lived to tell about it."

I didn't turn because she is not the only one who's seen what he can do. I have. But it's always her. Saints! I need to shut up. I squeeze my eyes shut. Alina is the sweetest girl I know, I need to stop thinking so negatively about her.