Recover: Book 2 of the Magic Mutations Series | ?

4: Sea of Agony

I always knew he had a crush on me. Only when I was around did his eyes ever light up like the sky on a clear day instead of raging like a stormy night. At times it irked me how much he relied on me to cheer him up. Because Stephen's wishes to make his son happy always echoed in my mind.

So the boy, who felt the pain of anyone who met his gaze, watching the person he loves fall into a sea of agony was more than he could bear. Just being near him, seeing me become like this, was breaking Ben.

And a part of me hated him for it. Because he had no reason to be like this. I was the one hurting, but I always felt compelled to put on an act for his benefit.

I turned my gaze back towards the ceiling. "I think I need to move out for a while," I concluded.

His breath caught at my comment, his chest no longer moving as I could almost hear his heart shatter at the idea of me no longer living next door to him. We hadn't been separated since we met seventeen years ago. "Could I move with you?" he asked, his tone hinting he already knew the answer.

"I need to be alone. I need some space to breathe and reflect on everything."

He seemed to be lost, pondering my statement for quite some time, allowing me to fall back into my mind for a while. But again he had to disturb the silence with, "Will you stay in London?"

"Yeah," I whispered, though I hadn't honestly given it much thought.

"You should continue your studies. Distract yourself."

I shook my head. "I don't want to run into Erica. She and I need time apart to process what happened and it's evidently not going to occur if we are in each others' faces."

"Then switch universities."

That was an idea...

"How come you two can't stand to look at each other anyway? I thought it's not supposed to hurt when a bond proposal is rejected."

"It doesn't hurt per se... it's that absence of a feeling that's throwing both of us, I think. After two years together, of laughter, of joy, of tears, of intimacy," I pretended to not notice him flinching, "For it to be gone in the blink of an eye and no feeling of an ache... How do you mourn something when your body physically won't let you? When you can't look at them with love?" I shook my head. "On top of that... when she tried to cement the bond, a whole wall of things I repressed from my past came back and now I can't get them out of my mind."

"The things Rüdiger did to you?" he asked quietly, interrupting my spiel.

"Yeah..." You could say that.

"Are you going to be okay on your own?"

I shrugged. "I suppose I was until I met you all." Sort of...

"Well... call me if you need anything."

I nodded in response while Ben sat back up, staring out my window at the fireworks that still danced in the sky.

"I don't know how people can stand to be out in the cold lighting them," he commented.

"Humans," I joked, watching the corners of Ben's lips turn up in response.

Turning to meet my gaze, he said, "Happy New Year, Lukas."

Raising my eyebrows, I replied, "Happy?"

Ben shrugged. "Think of it as my wish for you."

"Happy New Year," I said back softly.

With that, he left my room.

As I watched the bursts of blue, red, yellow, and pink colour the sky outside my window, I couldn't help myself to magic one amongst them. My own firework exploded a brilliant emerald amongst the sea of pathetically small sparks popping around it. It was a symbol of my own celebration at my conclusion to get my life back together.