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TRIGGER WARNING: actual self harm occurs in this part, my guys, please be careful with what you read. and mentions/hints to an eating disorder (no specific name just a mention of not eating) as well, bestie boos, again please be careful <<333

As tears rolled down her cheeks, Lauren walked three blocks in the crisp evening air, her legs shaking as much as her breath.

She couldn't believe she'd messed up so much; putting on that skirt was the worst decision she'd made in a while. However, when Joey comforted her and told her it'd all be okay, she felt something. Something she hadn't felt in a very long time. Hope. When Lauren was in his arms, she felt it spreading through her heart. After months of lying and constant anxiety and crushing insecurities, it finally seemed like it could get better, a thought that used to feel unrealistic and completely unattainable.

Lauren stopped at a bus stop, holding a hand to her mouth to stifle the sobs. She pulled her phone out of her purse to order a cab, knowing she couldn't make it back to her apartment in time, before Julia and everyone got back and... interrupted her.

Lauren waited silently, got in the cab silently, watched passing cars silently and reached her apartment silently. She fumbled with her keys, her hands shaking more than should've been possible.

As soon as she got in, she abandoned her bag on the kitchen counter, leaving her phone there too and making sure to silence it, and walked straight to the bathroom. She dug through a bag of toiletries until finding a small satin pouch. Ragging it open, she pulled the blade out, turning it over in her hand.

She ran her eyes over her arms, scanning for a blank space. Settling on somewhere, she closed her eyes and pushed the blade down, forcing more pressure on it until she felt tears rolling down her cheeks and blood rolling down her arm. She pushed down again and again and again, until-

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Lauren! Lo! Let me in!" Joey yelled, pounding on her door. "Please, Lo, I wanna know you're okay!"

She froze, dropping the blade in her bloodstained sink. Slowly she walked through her apartment and to the door. Pushing up onto her tiptoes, she looked through the peephole and sure enough, everyone was there. Waiting for her.

"Oh for fuck's sake..." she heard Julia mutter.

Julia pushed past the guys, jangling her keys in Joey's face. She unlocked the door, Lauren stumbling backwards as they walked in.

"Lauren..." Jaime gasped, looking at the red stained arms in front of her.

She let out shaky breaths, the tears never stopping. "I'm sorry..." she muttered, turning around.

The short girl rushed to the bathroom, her shoulders shaking as she went. Joey followed her and watched as she took a damp cloth and wiped down her arms.

"Lo..." he whispered, tears filling his own eyes. He opened his arms to her and she gratefully accepted.

Joey held her as tightly as he could without hurting her, resting his head on hers, his efforts to keep his tears at bay coming to an end. He sniffled, quietly, into her hair.

"Joey please don't get upset, none of this is your fault," Lauren insisted, pulling back slightly with a small sad smile. "Don't blame yourself, it's not your problem."

He bit his lip and let out a heavy sigh. "But Lo... I'm worried about you, I wanna know you're okay and I really don't think you are."

She went to say something but stopped herself, instead nuzzling into his chest.

"It's gonna be okay, LoLo, I promise..." he whispered, running his fingertips through the ends of her hair.

A few minutes ticked by, the pair holding onto each other like their lives depended on it. Eventually, Julia called them out into the living room. Joey took Lauren's hand and guided her out. He perched on the arm of the couch, each of their friends gathered around. Lauren refused to sit, taking the glass of water Julia handed her and taking the smallest sips she could.

"Come on, Lauren, talk to us," Meredith said, trying to look her in the eyes from their spot on the couch.

The brunette set the glass down and rested her hands on the back of the couch. When she spoke, her voice was quiet and shaky, barely loud enough for them to make out what she said.

Joey tilted his head at her, placing his hand on hers. "Speak up, sweetheart, you know you can tell us anything."

"I'm gonna have a panic attack," Lauren managed to choke out, tears streaming down her face. Her hands shook when she stood away from the couch, only stopping when she scratched her arms.

"Lauren you're okay, nothing bad's gonna happen," Julia promised, softly.

She shook her head, her breathing erratic. "No, no no no, you're mad at me, I've upset all of you."

Brian sighed, pushing up onto his knees on the couch. "We're not mad at you, we're worried."

"That's just as bad," she whined, biting her lip hard and digging her nails into her head. "I fucked everything up, I fucked everything up."

"No you haven't." Dylan insisted.

The group tried to comfort her, promising Lauren she hadn't ruined anything but the panicking girl refused to believe she wasn't a burden.

"It's gonna get better, we're all here for you," Walker said, sincerely. "We promise it'll get better."

She let out a strangled sort of cry. "Whatev-"

Her eyes rolled back. Her legs gave way. She fumbled to find the couch and push herself back up.

"Lo!" Joey jumped up, all of a sudden the panicked one. He took her hand and pulled her up.

"I'm okay..." she mumbled, her legs barely strong enough to hold her up. "I'm fine, I'm awake."

Jaime gasped, bringing a hand to her mouth. "Oh my god."

"What?" Julia pressed, whipping her head round to face the blue-eyed girl as Joey wrapped an arm around Lauren's shoulders.

"You guys gave me some cash to pay the bill, when I went back to do so," she explained, a distant look on her face. "I saw that Lauren's plate was barely touched."

Joey's breath caught in his throat. "I knew it."
He muttered, sighing as Lauren looked up at him with tired, sad eyes. "I could tell you haven't been eating properly but I know it's not my place to bring it up."

She looked down shyly, taking a step away from Joey but still holding onto his hand. "I'm sorry, Jo..."

CRASH!

Lauren slumped down the back of the couch, letting her mind slip into blackness.