? only god knows 「 khunbam 」

"Iʼm sorry." For the umpteenth time, an apology came out of the manʼs lips, and everytime it does, it hits harder than it did previously. "I never meant for this to happen, but here we are."

A stray tear falls, and another follows, trickling until it blurred his vision- something he, at that point, miserably wished was permanent so that he couldnʼt envision how all this would end.

"Donʼt get hung up on this too much, okay? This will pass soon." He linked their foreheads together as he recited mumbled prayers internally, not minding the viscous liquid dripping from his fingertips. "And donʼt get hung up on me. Someday, you too will forget this ever happened."

The other couldnʼt muster the strength to say anything but muffled sounds in refusal. "Ah, as expected. The thought of becoming a mere memory pains me so."

Maybe this was why they were afraid of the night to begin with.

"But in this world, we never had a choice to begin with."

They fear, because they do not know whether or not the night will choose to fall again.

ー・ー

"Mister! Mister?! Are you okay?! Whatʼs going on?!

It was almost as if Aguero could taste the bile exuded from his liver, shuddering from the bitter aftertaste stuck on his senses, choking in unshed tears as he remained stupefied in the childʼs presence. Something inside him urges him to thrash and burn everything to the ground, with himself along with it. Yet, he could only dumbly stare at the kid who painstakingly looked too alike with the love of his life before a hysterical laughter bubbles out of his throat.

"Is it my fault?" the brunet muttered repeatedly beneath hitched breaths, alarmed at the sudden and confusing reaction he got from the older. Catching a glimpse of him wincing in indescribable pain caused the child to hiccup more aggressively and a wail- anxiously checking Agueroʼs body for any sustained injuries. "Sorry? Iʼm sorry."

The way the boyʼs eyes glisten with turmoil, shaking in fear and panic, nose crinkled and red, reminded him so much of Bam that he felt it was becoming a sin to stare at him for far too long.

It cannot be, right? There is no sensible and logical reason for him to meet Bamʼs possible incarnate in a premature manner, right? The bluenet wanted nothing more than to wake up from this nightmare. But he must have been as unfortunate, because this was an inescapable reality he was not prepared to conquer.

"Does this mean I need to be punished?" he muttered that made Aguero return to his senses. It was a concerning statement already in itself, but with how it seemed as if the little boy was more likely to have been thinking to himself rather than asking the bluenet worried him. "I donʼt want to be punished..."

"Kid."

Aguero felt the grip on the hem of his hospital gown tighten and his heart ache. "P-Please donʼt sound me out, mister. I promise I didnʼt mean to hurt you. Please, forgive me."

"Child, listen to me." Aguero took in deep, coordinated breaths as he waved his hand haphazardly in the kid's line of sight to catch his attention. "I'm alright. Itʼs okay. Iʼm just going through some stuff, but everything is just going to be fine. Nobody is going to be punishing anybody, so stop crying please? For me?"

He slowly stopped crying, now reduced to hiccups when the older man patted his hair gently. "Theyʼre not going to find out about what I did?"

"Even if they do find out, you did absolutely nothing wrong." It was a wonder how he managed to muster up the ability of comforting someone in the midst of a panic attack, but he actually did it. For once, he had done something right, and he hoped it would always be the case for the duration of his life. Ever since he started transmigrating, things had rarely gone to the way he wanted to so, this was a nice change of pace. Even if it shook him to his core.

"Thank you so much, mister." The brunet sniffled, his lips forming a relieved smile as he stood up from the patch of grass that cushioned their fall. 'Stop it, A.A. Donʼt fall for false signs any more than you have for the past lifetimes.' "For catching and forgiving me. I donʼt know what I would do if they started plotting to take me away from my aunt again."

"Itʼs what anyone in my situation would do," Aguero answered curtly, wanting to pry further but must not. God, he needs a constant reminder that this kid was not Bam or else heʼll sooner than later lose his mind. "Where is your auntʼs room at? If you have problems with child services, maybe it would be best if I introduced you to a colleague of mine."

“What?” The latter flinched, then covered it up with a carefree shake of a head, avoiding the elderʼs gaze as he fiddled with his fingers. “Oh, no, no, no! Thank you for offering mister, but my aunt canʼt have other things added on her plate. As long as sheʼs steadily recovering, itʼs going to be alright.”

The kidʼs got a point, but knowing that his aunt is in a hospice, that must mean sheʼs on the verge of dying, isnʼt she? Aguero shrugged his questions off and focused on standing back up from his fall. He tried supporting his lower limbs by placing his weight on his arms and hands, but it just felt like he was moving an immovable wall.  Bloody hell.

He looked around and saw an empty wheelchair stationed at the lamp post that was most probably prepared by one of Hansungʼs nurses. “Hey, kid.”

“Y-Yes!” he squeaked, his golden eyes showing anxiety.

'Shit. Why must this act up now?' He pondered for a bit, looking at his legs bitterly. “Can you guide me up to that wheelchair? Itʼs going to take a while for these to start functioning properly again.”

Thankfully, the younger immediately cooperated without pointing out Agueroʼs embarrassment, or the awkwardness between them. It took a while to get the hang of leaning against a smaller weight, but the kidʼs attempts of a small talk had been quite successful in taking his mind off the hardship. Soon enough, the million-dollar question had taken place.

“Ne, mister. You look really familiar, like those people I usually see on TV. Are you a celebrity?”

Aguero almost chuckled at the question. He needs to be more specific than that, because thereʼs countless of them appearing on National TV on a daily basis— for better or for worse. But, he suppose had taken a different path than the majority of them so, he pulled out a stray business card from one of his pockets with his free hand. “I donʼt know about being a celebrity, but perhaps you have heard of the Khun family. I am Khun Aguero Agnis, and I guess this is the part where we trade names?”

“Itʼs nice to meet you, Mr. Khun. My name is Jue Viole Grace.” The brunet giggled, graciously accepting the card as they took the last step towards the wheelchair. The strangely familiar sound soothed the chaos in the Khunʼs head before his insides churned once more, hearing the reply. “But please call me Bam.”

His vision temporarily dimmed, and he could hear nothing but Bamʼs startled cries as the bluenetʼs hold around him loosened and he almost lost strength. He had an inkling of what was taking place before him, but he wanted someone to actually prove him wrong this time. To disappoint and tell him that it was all just baseless assumptions and wishful thinking, like all the times it did in the past.

Why must it be this way?

How shitty must his life be, for Aguero to have longed for and met his lover as a literal child?