TommyInnit's unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death

You Got Games On Your Phone?

" Fine."

" Fine."

"Fin-"

"Oh my god, shut up," Wilbur glares. "I'll make you something else."

"Wow, you didn't have to big man," Tommy grins.

"What about the rest of us?" Technoblade pipes up.

Tommy glances over at Tubbo and Ranboob who are playing Uno with Philza.

Ranboob still looks five seconds away from passing the fuck out, but Tubbo has a glint in his eyes that suggests he's cheating.

Tommy narrows his eyes. How do you even cheat at Uno?

He watches as Ranboob's eyes drift shut momentarily and Tubbo sneaks a card from the beanstalk's hand at the speed of light. He glances over at Philza who is unaware.

Huh.

"I'm not cooking for you guys," Wilbur scowls, "Go eat the cereal. I'm only cooking for the little shit because I hate him."

"I don't think that's how it works, Wil," Philza hums absentmindedly as he places down a card.

"It does," Wilbur insists.

"I don't think so. In fact, I think you're showin' favouritism," Technoblade comments with a smirk.

" Jump-"

"No, Wil," Philza shakes his head.

" Dive-"

"Still no," Philza sighs.

" Flip-"

"Wil, stop trying to change your wording. No defenestration in the kitchen," Philza turns to look at the man, sending him a stern look.

Wilbur wilts, shoulders sagging. "He's fucking annoying me," He whines.

"Tech is always annoying you," Philza shrugs.

Technoblade nods, "True."

"Wait," Tubbo pauses, looking up from his cards. "You defenestrate?" He looks at Wilbur eyes wide.

Oh god. No. This is the worst.

Wilbur nods, "Yeah, what about it?" He grunts.

"I am a fellow defenestrater," Tubbo confesses sincerely.

Wilbur crosses his arms, "You're not on my level."

"You sure about that?" Tubbo smirks, crossing his arms as well.

"Yes," Wilbur huffs, "I have defenestrated Techno over a hundred and fifty times, ever since we were children."

Technoblade nods, "He's right, it's true. He started when we were three," He explains before his eyes dull in exhaustion and deep agony, "And he's never stopped."

Tommy raises a hand to his forehead, chest puffed out. "A true soldier. An inspiration. You are pog."

"Stop using that word."

"The poggest," Tommy continues.

"Yeah? Well I defenestrate Tommy almost every week. Have been doing so for years now," Tubbo retorts.

"Not as long as I've been," Wilbur glares.

"Well I'm not as old as you, am I? I have many more years for defenestration," Tubbo justifies.