TommyInnit's unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death

Call An Ambulance, But Not For Me

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This is not fucking adventure time.

Turns out it was in fact a kidnapping.

Not a very good one.

Tommy glares through his mask, wrists hastily roped together.

"I know you are in cahoots with the heroes," A woman accuses. "Tell me their weaknesses or else. "

This is so fucking boring.

"They have no weaknesses, they are immortal and powerful and omnipresent and will fucking decimate you with a single blow," He states.

The woman glares. "Don't get funny with me, kid. This isn't a game."

Tommy rolls his eyes, "Obviously. You're fucking putting me to sleep. Did you know your voice is annoying?"

The woman falters before her glare deepens. "Shut up, that's not true."

Tommy snorts. "Yeah okay. Annoying voice lady. You sound like shit."

"I do not sound like shit, you fucking brat, " She seethes.

"Prove it. Sing to me," Tommy juts out his chin.

She fumbles. "I- what?"

" Sing. Sing me a song. If your voice isn't shit. Sing Fly me to the moon. "

"No," She frowns.

"Oh? So you're a coward? It's a singing challenge, if you win, I'll tell you their weaknesses. If I win, well," Tommy smirks, "We'll see what happens."

"I'm not a coward and I'm not playing your silly little games, you don't have a choice," She states. "I have the ability of controlling the blood of my victims, I could kill you at any moment."

"Bet."

She stares. "Are- do you just have zero preservation skills?"

"Dunno what that is, but probably," He shrugs. "Anyways, I think you're avoiding the singing challenge. "

"I already told you I'm not fucking doing that!" She shouts.

Tommy raises his tied hands in surrender. "Calm down ma'am, no need to project your anger onto me. Sort that out with your therapist," He advises.

"You are the worst hostage I've ever taken," She whispers.

"Okay?" How is that Tommy's problem? "Singing challenge?" He asks again.

"Oh my god, fine, " She lets out a growl.

Tommy grins. "Alright, pog. The song is Fly me to the moon. Go."

The woman stares before sighing. Hesitantly she starts, " Fly me to the mo-"

"You lose. That was fucking awful," Tommy snorts.

He watches as her face turns scarlet with anger. "I am going to kill you now," She raises her hands and points them towards him.

Tommy stares.

She stares back, eyes narrowing.

"Are you waiting for something?" Tommy questions because he is considerate like that.

"What the fuck?" She whispers, looking down at her hands.

"Should we reschedule? Find another time for this particular kidnapping? I understand if you need to practice-"