TommyInnit's unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death

it's me eneli talking about tumoasd :D

clementine is tommy's mother

lmao. the irony, right? it's funny because tommy constantly calls the fish his daughter.

the clementine in tumoasd is both tommy's mum and a figment of his imagination, because in tommy's world, everything is morphed to fit his way of thinking and the way he wants it. so he makes a fish called clementine and that's not actually his mum, but it is. if that makes sense? she's trying to guide him through this limbo but she's not actually there with him because tommy won't allow it, so clementine gets brief moments to talk with him - the cutscene chapters.

i think you guys can figure out the rest of the hints and symbolisms between tumoasd and symphony.

so now we move on. 

this is the part about why i wrote this particular story.

ahh. okay. so i started writing tumoasd around 4 days after my stepmum and dad broke up. my stepmum kept the house and my little brothers. and i moved to my grandmas. i remember it being really sudden, one moment i was playing with my brothers in my room and the next i was packing a suitcase. and i'm used to this kind of thing, i've stayed at houses that have only lasted a few weeks. but hmm. idk this one was harder to cope with.

i remember i had been crying or smth and i was laying on my mattress in a room that just wasn't mine and i felt very sad. so i was reading a fanfic lmao and i thought i could do this. i thought let's write something silly, something that doesn't need to make sense. something to feel better. so i wrote the first chapter of tumoasd.

i hadn't always planned for the fic to turn out this particular way. i never expected it to even get this far. i had this idea though. i always remember watching cartoons and later on finding out they had dark meanings, and i wondered if the writers wrote the dark meaning first and then covered it with humour or vice versa. so i decided to test it.

tumoasd isn't my best fic. not even my first choice of fics i would recommended. it's messy. there are errors and lack of worldbuilding and so so many flaws. but it's the closest fic to who i am, or rather what i want to express? tumoasd has been first and foremost, always my comfort fic. mine. this wasn't a fic i wrote for an audience. i wrote it to feel better. i wrote it to stop feeling like my life was ending right in front of me. i didn't have any intentions for it to get as big as it did, but i don't regret it.

i want to say thank you. to everyone whose read this, and everyone whose supported me and commented and bookmarked and left kudos and become my friend. when i started writing this, i slept more often than not, i barely talked to my family and i was so so sad. i spent many nights crying to sleep because i missed my brothers and i missed my bed and i missed my home. when i first started receiving comments, it gave me something. it was a serotonin boost that i hadn't expected. i clung to it. with every new person i met and every kudo i gained and every twitter mutual i got, i felt different. i laughed. i made up the most crack filled and nonsensical chapters because i felt like a child. you guys made me feel young and carefree in a way i wasn't used to. i'm the older sibling, i'm the one who stands between my parents and delivers messages when they don't want to communicate. i was beginning to feel resentful, like a piece of my childhood was missing. and you guys helped me.

you helped me more than you can ever realise. i spent so many nights laughing and grinning like stupid when i first created a discord for tumoasd. with every new moot on twitter i became a little more wild lmao it was so fun i couldn't help it i wasnt used to this many people wanting to talk to me, to listen to my stories and hear me talk about wanting to date colonel sanders lmao. so i'm sorry, if sometimes i was bit too hyperactive and i tweeted too much and i rarely answered dms lmao but i love you guys a lot, so very much. which is why it makes it so hard to leave.

but tumoasd was always a countdown. at first, maybe it was for a different reason. but now and for a while, it's been a countdown of me moving on. and this is why i relate to tumoasd! tommy lmao. for me, you guys have been my imaginary world, my vigilante world. you were the place i went when i started to cry, when i didn't want to wake up in the morning, when things were just a bit too difficult. and i don't want to let you go.

but i also don't want to feel like this anymore. i'm tired of grieving for what has left, i'm tired of grieving for a home that isn't the same anymore. there's a quote i keep remembering and it goes something like "let the pain visit. allow it to teach you. don't let it overstay". i've been in a dark mindset for a long time now, these past months. i've let it overstay and i've clung to it, because it's familiar and because i'm scared of moving on. but i don't want to feel like this anymore. so i'm letting you guys go.

i don't want to write because i crave the serotonin of the comments i receive, because i crave the validation of you all. i want to write because i feel it, because i like my writing and because i want to. i don't want to write to feel better, i want to write because i can, because it's a part of me. and to do that, i have to learn. i have to learn to live without you guys there to support me, i have to learn to support myself. because i think that's what growing up is about, and i think i'm ready for it.

i want to be friends with you all again, not because i need you, not because i'm sad and i need to feel better, but because i want to, because i feel like it. so i'm leaving. so i'm taking a break to learn myself again so i'm not as vulnerable, as easily moved by praises as i am now. i want to love myself so you guys don't have to.

man this is hard. i feel like i went through the stages of grief with tommy lmao maybe i did. regardless, thank you. thank you, thank you, thank you. again and again and again. this is no professional writing, this is never something that can be critically analysed and awarded for writing skills. but it's been me and it's been you guys.

god this shit is so sappy i keep having to trying to add in humour. my default coping mechanism lmao.

anyways. i don't know if i'll ever come back to this account. i don't know if i'll ever publish anymore fan fictions. but if i do, i hope to have improved, not just skillswise, but mentally. i hope to one day be able to write more than just a hopeful ending, i want to write a happy one and those kind of things can only come with experience i think.

this has been fun cult. so much fun. the most fun i've had in a long time. you guys were great. i was pretty great too lmao. i'm gonna miss you. i'm gonna miss you a lot.

thank you.

see you on the other side?