Finding a Way: Mass Effect 2

Kaidan spent the next three days trying to keep busy. Anderson hadn't given him a new assignment, so he was left to polishing reports and training. He spent some time with Hawkins and Wilson, the only other two from the team that had made it back from Horizon, at the shooting range. He lost himself in long runs around the Presidium, in sparring with some of the other marines, and in as many books as he could read. She filled his dreams every night, but now they weren't of her death, and instead he dreamt of how things could have been. He wasn't sure which hurt worse.

On the morning of the fourth day, he stepped out of the shower after his workout to find a message from Anderson. Finally, he thought as he opened it, expecting his next assignment.

Commander, Not sure if this is overstepping my bounds, but I can't help thinking that you should have this, too.

An email address followed.

It's the encrypted private address that Shepard sends me messages from. In case you wanted to reach out.

Kaidan clenched his jaw and closed the message, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He looked to the bedside table for her picture, forgetting that he had shoved it into the drawer after Horizon. He knew he didn't need the picture to remember her... she was imprinted on every fiber of his being. He took the photo out anyway.

What did he want? Was Anderson right... did he want to reach out to her? He knew he didn't like how he had left things on Horizon, but he also knew she had gone on a path he wasn't willing to follow her down.

He put the picture back in the drawer and moved to his computer terminal at the desk.

Aubrey, Anderson gave me this address, so I hope you don't mind me using it. I wanted you to know that I'm glad you're alive. But a lot has changed in the last two years and I can't just put that aside. Losing you was the worst pain I've ever felt, but seeing you alive and in front of me with Cerberus was almost as bad. They're manipulative and dangerous, Aubrey. I know you think you're doing this for the right reasons – to stop the Collectors – but remember what I told you about cutting corners... don't let that happen to you. Cerberus is damn good at it. If you're the same woman I remember, I know you'll stop the Collectors... just please don't sell your soul in the process. I can't walk this road with you... I won't. Just please watch yourself.

He hit send before he could change his mind, finding that the pain of losing her when the Normandy went down and the pain of seeing her with the enemy was nothing compared to the pain he felt ending it like this. He clenched his jaw and stood to get on with the rest of his day.

He decided to take the initiative and went to Anderson's office only to be told that he was still waiting for Alliance Command to determine his next assignment.

"There's been no other leads on Cerberus operations, sir?"

Anderson shook his head, "I haven't heard from Shepard since Horizon. But if anything comes through, I'll let you know. For now, enjoy a little downtime while you can."

Kaidan certainly tried to do as he advised, but the next few days passed slowly, and he was itching for another assignment.

He had gone for some target practice with Wilson and as they were walking out, he asked, "So, Commander, some of us were going to meet up at this new bar in the wards called the Dizzy Elixir tonight. Feel like joining us?"

"I do," he replied, making plans to meet them there at 1800.