I do not—I cannot--follow organized religion. I have a belief all my own. I don't ask anyone to follow it; I just wanted to get to the truth at hand. And that is, that I cannot—because of what I have encountered and experienced throughout my life—follow organized religion, honestly. I may as well put needles in my arms again, and be led around by someone else's shit, manipulating me like I'm some kind of fucking puppet, jumping up and down, and diving through hoops, saying I'm free, I'm free!
However, if you find that organized religion is in fact your cup of tea, who am I to suggest otherwise? My intention was to come to the true heart of the matter, the true intuition of the situation.
And I hope now that I have managed to do that; that others might live a quality life. That should be more important than knowledge.
BEACON IN THE DARKNESS
When I first saw Lea, a pleasant feeling of adrenaline moved through me. I felt it instantly; this is the woman I would marry if given the opportunity.
Lea was responsible for the basic academia, the core curricula of the school at the Our House homeless shelter.
She had an outstanding way of dealing with people. She was maternal and nurturing, and she had the amazing ability of being childlike without being immature. She genuinely cared about people and their quality of life, and, to me, it showed like a beacon. She was an angel, with wings the world could never see.
Later that day, I told a friend of mine who was staying at the shelter, "When I get my shit together, I am going to marry a woman like LeAnnette."
My friend said, "Dude, you know she is already married, right?"
"I'm not going to marry Lea", I told him. "I am going to marry someone like her."
As it turns out, I did marry Lea, two years later. And if I never did anything right in this world, I did the right thing by marrying her. She is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
So many things in my life have been backwards that it is any wonder that I ever got ahead, let alone marry the woman who stepped out of my dreams.
For all the bullshit in my life, she is the one thing that I did right. Lea, for me, was, and is, the perfect wife.
Everything that Lea brought to the table, made me love her more. She showed me what kind of values she had the day I met her. She had integrity that few women have, and her values were far above the norm. She had strength, courage, passion, and intelligence. She had all the attributes of the perfect and proper woman. She brought out the best in people. She brought out the best in me. She was my beacon in the darkness.
She showed me that I was not alone, in a world that had been so cold to me.
THE PERFECT WIFE
Lea showed me how to believe in myself, as she believed in me.
She showed me that I was not blight on society, but instead was an atypical and dynamically strong individual whose attributes were only hidden by all the suffering that I had been through. And when I opened up to her, she realized that my life was pretty tragic. Their were lines on my face, that Lea called worry lines, that revealed a haunted, hunted expression, that shone in my eyes. However Lea's encouragement brought back the fire, and from time to time there was seen the determination of a warrior's spirit sometimes reflecting further in my gaze. Later she would say that she had never met anyone as brilliant and as strong, and she was certain that no one could go through what I had been through and survive. In her eyes I was one in ten million.
