DOTHAN'S STATEMENT - MAKE A WISH, GET A HURL AND BATING THE SHIT OUT OF CASEMAN

I'm sitting here outside the jail (#derekathejailbird) and I've been asked to give a statement on my arrest. I've been inexplicably arrested for the treatment of my brother Caseman and apparently my business is illegal. I have been asked to give my rebuttal to this. Firstly, Caseman is fed a very low-energy racehorse mix, so I don't know why he has so much energy. I mean, police, what would you do if your brother was banging into doors and headbutting the floor and jumping off the stairs because he has too much energy? That's right, you'd hit him with the hurl. Oh... you'd send him to a mental hospital... well, I believe in different methods. Anyhow, as for my company, I try to make it as quick as I can. Of course, if my clients only pay the lower rate I have to drag it out a bit, let out a few screams. This isn't a charity. And I only killed 10 people last week. The hospital is sending out another shipment of them so I might get a few more this week. But guards, this is absolute nonsense. I mean Caseman just needs a good whack in the head now and again and I think my new business is very entrepreneurial.'