Teaching Mr. Graham

    Aubrey sat in the campus library. There was work he could have been doing, work that he should have been doing. But he couldn't stop himself from looking up whenever a student entered. You can't stop yourself from checking on Tatiana, he told himself, balancing a pen between two fingers. 

    Just by sitting in the library, he'd garnered the attention of most of the students in the library. That could be why there were so many here. A few of them would walk in, immediately get to texting, and another flock would appear. The library was coming dangerously close to being a standing-room only venue, just because he was here.

    She was right. Meeting up here was a bad idea. He glanced at the watch on his wrist. That could be why it's nine o' clock and she hasn't shown up yet. Even though it was probably better that she hadn't shown up, considering the crowd of students gawking and snapping photos of him, he still wanted to see her. Is that stupid of me? That I still want her to show up, knowing that everyone would be watching our every move? And knowing me, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands to myself. I'd have to hold her hand, or touch her in some way. That's just who I am. Not always the smartest of moves, but I can't help myself. If someone saw me touching her, or holding her hand, or anything, that would be it. I'd officially have experienced the shortest stint in the teaching field.

    It was frustrating. He wasn't a man without common sense. What he was doing and encouraging Tatiana to do was wrong. He knew that and was aware of that. When he was sitting on his couch at home, it was easy to tell himself that the next school day, he would keep his interaction with Tatiana professional. But then I get around her, and I don't know how to act. I get around her and I start doing stupid shit. Like sitting next to her while a movie is playing for the class. Like grabbing her hand while we were sitting in a classroom full of students. That was beyond stupid. But did it feel good? Was it worth it? He lowered his head and smiled to himself. It feels wrong for me to think that it was worth it...but if I answered "No," I'd be lying through my teeth. The happiness I felt when she touched my hand...I haven't felt that kind of happiness in a long time.

    He stared down at the paperwork he'd laid out in front of himself. His notebook was flipped open to a blank page. He was supposed to be writing up a quiz to give the students, to make sure they'd been paying attention during the documentary they'd watched. Writing up this quiz made him feel like a hypocrite, since he himself hadn't been paying attention to the documentary. Instead, he'd been focused on how close Tatiana was to him, how soft and warm her hand had felt. Even now, she wasn't here and he was still completely distracted. She was still dominating his thoughts, still all he could think about.

    One glance around the library told him that the students were still watching him. He wasn't the only one who was distracted. Granted, the students were probably wondering what a hip hop sensation was doing teaching at their university, whereas he was entertaining thoughts that were completely inappropriate.

    Because I'm a horrible person, he thought, running a hand over the top of his head and sighing in frustration. Since I'm such a horrible person, I shouldn't be allowed to teach. I thought I'd be the perfect candidate. I usually go for older women. Younger women rarely even catch my eye the way Tatiana has. And when I try to break down exactly why I'm drawn to her, I can't really explain it.

    Tatiana was beautiful; that went without saying. She was funny, quirky, and seemed honest. From what he could tell from the evening of the party, she was a great friend. She was also extremely intelligent. Those were all qualities he'd seen in other women. Being who he was, he got the opportunity to meet a lot of people. A lot of those people were women who were eager to make his acquaintance. He'd met women, in and out of the entertainment industry, who were beautiful, humorous, and intelligent. He hadn't been as drawn to those women as he was to Tatiana. So it couldn't just be those several qualities.

    Something that always appealed to him was when someone treated him like a normal person instead of a celebrity. After discovering who he was, she'd been shocked. They'd had a conversation about the fact that he didn't want her to treat him differently, but he'd had that same conversation with a great number of people who hadn't been able to honor that request. She didn't treat him like a celebrity; she didn't look at him all starry-eyed because he was known to the world as Drake, the rap star. She just treated him like a man. A man who's interested in her even though he shouldn't be, he thought. That was something that she appreciated in her, one reason he felt a pull whenever she was in close proximity to him.

    Something else he'd noticed about her is that while Tatiana was highly intelligent, she'd somehow managed to maintain her naivete. That, in and of itself, was remarkable - the fact that she could be both highly intelligent and naïve. Most likely that was because of her sheltered upbringing. It was something about her that fascinated him, but that quality was also a double-edged sword.

    The fact that she was raised by overprotective parents only served to make him feel worse about his attraction to her. Living the life that he led, he didn't get the opportunity to see the type of innocence she possessed. In a day and age when network television was allowing more and more profanity and vulgarity to air on their primetime programming, it seemed that innocence was a quality that was lost on this generations and the ones coming after it. Her parents had somehow shielded her from a lot of that, and for that he was impressed - but it also served to make him feel more disgusted in his own actions.

    With everything he'd seen and done in his life, at this point he would consider himself far from innocent. He couldn't help but feel like he was tainting Tatiana, just by holding her hand and asking her to meet him here.

    The minutes ticked by. So much time passed that even his gawkers decided to leave the library. He disappointedly packed his notebook and folders into his briefcase and stood up from his chair. Then he slid the strap over his shoulder, checked for his car keys, and walked out of the library.

    Fall was settling in across the Chicago suburbs. A cool breeze blew across the campus grounds. He made a mental note to start wearing a hoodie or jacket. He was accustomed to wearing them even in the summertime: on the one day he'd chosen not to, he should have. The sky was dark, much darker than he'd anticipated.

    He caught movement near a tall oak tree close to the walkway leading from the library steps to the parking lot. His steps slowed as he squinted into the darkness shading the person from view.

    "Did you get a lot of work done?" Tatiana's voice.

    He walked towards her and was ashamed when his heart pounded at the sight of her. Usually, he could effortlessly feign carelessness or disinterest, but when it came to her, that skill didn't come so easily. "Not really," he confessed.

    "I figured it was my turn to stalkyou," she said with a smile.