Sadie takes her dream trip to Australia where she embraces solo travel life until she crosses paths with quirky Irish traveller Neil. The two discover they share more than their love for adorable Aussie animals as they complete bucket lists they'd p...
When I completed the full loop to our campground, no animal miracles had occurred, and Neil had slumped into his camp chair with the online world still captivating his miserable attention.
"How are you doing?"
"Can't you tell? I'm over the bloody moon," he deadpanned.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
He tapped on his phone screen. "Not particularly."
"I might walk down to the Town Beach market. Want to come? Sometimes distractions help."
Neil shook his head.
"Do you want me to stay with you?" I clutched my phone as I waited for his response.
He took one look at my face then returned to his device, hunching his shoulders. "It'll be better for both of us if you don't."
My mouth opened and shut, but he wasn't even looking at me anymore to care about my reply, so I left. Tears blurred my vision, but I blinked them away quickly.
Our caravan park was a short walk from the beach and the bay. After visiting the wildlife there, it was twice as appealing to go. I hoped the music and excitement of the Thursday market would boost my spirit. Although what would cheer me up the most was Neil returning to his usual self, that was a selfish request. He was hurt.
I roamed to the beach and walked the low tide area past the jetty and the pioneer cemetery, which was spookier with the sun tucked below the horizon. Twilight and the market lights guided my way. The moon hadn't risen yet, but in its full state, it was supposed to create a staircase effect with its reflection. Neil had talked about it earlier, but I had no desire to watch it alone.
I'd picked up vegetables for supper at the market, which had been unnecessarily frivolous spending. I knew I shouldn't splurge again, but the homemade ice cream kept calling my name. The mango flavour looked delicious, and my bruised heart deserved it.
When I went to pay, a familiar voice said, "I've got hers."
Chills ran down my spine. The kind you get when you're home alone and there are strange noises in the basement.
Derek handed over the money before I could and ordered a chocolate brownie ice cream. He smiled at me with those high cheekbones and full lips, but I couldn't bring myself to return the gesture. He'd gotten a tan but kept the black glasses we'd picked out together last year.
"Sadie Rhodes, you are a hard woman to track down."
"I make it easier when I want people to find me." Turning on my heel, I headed away from the campground. I hadn't a clue if or for how long he'd been following me, but I needed my space like manta rays needed water. Spots danced at the corner of my vision, but I pressed on. I'd forgotten to drink, distracted by Neil's distress and didn't have my bottle either.
"Sadie," he hollered. When he and his long legs caught up to me, he was clutching the two ice creams.
"Here."
He extended the mango bowl to me, but I refused to take it. It was doomed to taste as awful as my supper. I wasn't sure why he'd searched for me. But I'd worked so hard to get over him that I wouldn't compromise that by falling for that goofy grin or his way of making mundane events significant. He'd also made our once-amazing relationship feel like I'd jumped off a cliff and was plummeting into a pit of jagged rocks.
"Sadie, don't be so stubborn."
"Screw you! I'll be as stubborn as I damn well please, and if you don't like it, leave."
"Fine, I will hold on to it in case you change your mind." He held both small bowls in his palm and took a spoonful of his chocolate one as if to tease me.
Why was it that the only evening I splurged on food, the world conspired to make me regret it? They must have had shares in those instant noodles and wafer cookie companies.
"What part of our list brought you to Broome?"
How did he know about my plan to follow the list? I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of asking. That would just prove I cared.
"Sadie, we're not children. You don't need to give me the silent treatment."
I crossed my arms over my chest. "Oh really. What else is wrong with me, Derek? Please enlighten me because it felt so fucking good to hear seven months ago."
A fraction of the pain he'd caused me appeared in the creases of his tanned forehead and in his blue eyes. "I'm sorry, that's why I'm here. To apologize."
"In true Derek fashion, you had to knock me down before you could own up to anything."
"That's not fair."
"Have you forgotten how you broke up with me? Because I have tried and your words still haunt me."
He pushed his dark glasses up his nose with the back of his hand. Ice cream was dripping down the sides of the cup. "What I said was completely out of line. I didn't and couldn't understand what you were going through. What you're still going through. I was insecure about something neither of us controlled, and I blamed you for it."
It sounded so simple and forgivable, but it wasn't. "It was more than blame. You dragged my self-esteem through the mud. You made me feel sub-human and defective."
"Which I had no right to do. I will regret it for the rest of my life."
"And you should! No matter how much I build myself up or how amazing I'm feeling, your voice is lurking and telling me there's something fundamentally off about me, that with help I can somehow be fixed to be like everyone else." Neil's distance over the past month had returned me to that state on bad days. I had reminded myself of the progress I'd made in self-acceptance, but it wasn't always linear.
"I know now that's untrue."
"Congratulations on that groundbreaking discovery," I seethed. My anger was borderline childish, but after the begging and crying I'd done the last time we were together, I needed to let it out. My lightheadedness grew worse, and I scanned the area for a bench.
"My ignorance and ego are no excuse for my actions. But I've read lots, and I understand it a lot better now."
I raised an eyebrow. "Understand what?"
"Asexuality. The more I read, the more I saw you, and our dynamics and..."
Thousands of pins and needles pricked at my skin until the world went dark.
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What do you think of Derek? Do you think Sadie's anger is justified?
Photo credits: Top right Charles DeLuvio from Unsplash, middle left Iman Zaker from Unsplash, and middle right Prchi Palwe from Unsplash
