In Loving Memory of My Brother

This is my third letter to Matthew. I was having a horrible day and needed somebody to talk to.

Dear Matthew,

Today was horrible. Although, I guess it was bound to happen again after a few weeks of not grieving over you. I made a foolish mistake in the dorm and the dining hall. I accidentally snapped at one of my suitemates. I managed to finish my story for school, but I was stressed over it. And now here I am, crying and writing this letter. I cannot sleep. Every time I try, I have bad dreams. I also spoke to Mamma Susan today, and we talked about you. I think that's what triggered this episode.

I wish you were here right now. I wish I could hug you and tell you what I feel, but I can't. While this semester is better than last, I'm still fighting to get through it with the best grades possible. I have so much trust I need to rebuild, but I also have no idea what to do when I graduate. I'm stuck, and I wish I had my older brother to walk me through this stage of my life. I want to be happy. I want to be the Victoria I used to be before this happened, but I wonder if I will ever be.

However, I know you love me, Matthew, and you are listening. I just want this semester to be over. I do not like the dorm life—not this one. My suitemates are a lot more complicated. I want to avoid them but can't. I do not know how to regain their trust. Please help me. What I did was foolish, yes, but it was minor. I'm not somebody who would randomly shout at somebody unless something is bothering me. What do you do when you feel this way?

My Green Guardian, please guide me through these twenty-four to forty-eight hours as I try to figure things out and make you proud. And please help me so that I do not mouth off again.

- Your little sister,

Vika