ALL IN THE MIND

27 March, 1.26 AM

I woke up to the overwhelming stench of Hriday. Most of his stuff was packed to give away in charity. The help or maybe Prachi was considerate enough to save his clothes for me, for the last time. I remember getting back from the police station, eating quite a lot of food before climbing onto the bed with his pile of clothes.

Honestly, it wasn't as immense as before. The fact that he was not going to come back felt somewhere safer.

He must be in a better place now.

"Don't you worry, Adya, I am right here for you." It was Hriday. He was near the doorstep of the room.

Was I still asleep? Is this a dream?

I involuntarily rubbed my eyes before looking back at the door. His handsome features were now wounded all over, the gunshot evident on his head. His bleeding lips were moving.

"Don't you love me anymore, Adya?" He was back to his good looking self, walking slowly towards the bed.

I tried not to scream, my head shaking violently in a no as I looked for my pills. I still had them from the time i went to therapy. I remember Hriday used to patiently feed me that inhumane stuff.

"Why are you so hell bent to kill me? The gun, the knife and now those drugs?"

"NO!" I gobbled most of them down. I wasn't stable enough to handle the glass which had water.

"I didn't kill you, Hriday. I could never..." his silhouette eventually disappeared with the room spinning intensely. My body had stopped shaking and so i managed to drink some water.

"I do love you, Hriday. I always will." Pain was throbbing in my head as I threw his clothes on the floor, wrapping myself in the blanket.

I should have followed the time mentioned in the prescription. I even managed to take a couple of them with me in the police station. The stupid white thing was an inch away fron my mouth but a cop snatched it from me.

"This is not a candy shop where you can pop anything you see around you." I then spotted a bottle of some meds. Just to be on the safer side, I didn't interject.

Numbness took over me as I tried to sleep after some time. Turning and tossing didn't help. The clothes on the floor made it messier for me. I got onto wrapping it up in hopes that this could clear my head as well.

How can one escape when their own mind imprisons them?

***

"I hope you got some rest for the day." Maan sir cleared his throat as he sat on the opposite side of the table. We were in an air-conditioned cabin, something I wasn't expecting in a building as old as this.

I nodded with a small smile, fiddling with the ring he gave me as a gift a couple of years ago.

"Enough of the dead. Let's talk about you." That was surely surprising, but then, I had nothing to hide.

"I was homeschooled till my twelfth grade and then I was in the same college as Hriday, in Mumbai."

"Any particular reason for homeschooling?"

Because my father was scared to send me away at that time.

Seriously?

"Honestly, I don't know. I never talked about it."

"Any other treatments? Surgeries?"

"I went to therapy when I lost my parents in an accident."

I was losing it.

"Do you think that made you violent?" I shook my head.

What was in his head for the day?

"Sir, I agree I rushed to confess something which was a dream. But that won't make me guilty of the crime." Burning fear shook through my spine.

"I am not accusing. We tend to make mistakes. It's all alright. If you don't mind, can we continue?" I nodded, holding onto the water bottle in front of me.

"I remember you once told me that there were no secrets between you and Hriday, yes?"

"Yeah." My heart was beating in my ears.

"Do you know that he was having an affair?"

WHAT?

"Are you sure?"

"I have a couple of CCTV footage to confirm your doubts. Are you strong enough to watch it?"

Didn't he love me anymore?

The pills and therapy had begun when I had accused him of infidelity. He had a lipstick mark on his shirt. The next day he told me that I was imaging stuff and that there was this voice in my head which was to be silenced. Even though it was horrifying, the thrill of it made me ready for it.

Did that voice in my head push him away? Was i not enough for him?

Glad that sloth is dead now.