i'll try not to miss you // taejun

sometimes, hope is a flower that yeonjun brings home.

he would tell taehyun good night with a smile on his face before retreating to his room while someone giddily sets the flower on a vase for the empty kitchen counter they barely use. it's a rose, thornless by somebody else's hands. taehyun admires it every morning and every night, until the next friday that arrives with a new replacement for a wilted plant.

"how did you know that i like flowers?" taehyun had to ask as it seems like yeonjun found a new habit of setting his heart in motion through a single gesture.

"i didn't. you're just pretty with flowers," yeonjun doesn't look him in the eye, but the tint on his cheeks was enough for taehyun to smile.

sometimes, hope is a warm feeling in taehyun's heart.

it's terrifying to realize that he's committing to a possibility to only fall deeper, but with every smile and every word that yeonjun seemingly pulls from something in the air, there was nothing else that taehyun could see himself do.

yeonjun knew all the ways to taehyun's heart, and it's so cruel. he could lift taehyun high and have him fall without caution—taehyun will never, never have anything to hold on to.

hope is a fickle thing.

taehyun realized it on the day he visited his parents.

"i don't remember inviting you," yeonjun merely laughs at the 'greeting' he received from taehyun's sister. "this is a 'kang only' zone."

"noona, stop embarrassing me," taehyun helps her forfeit and leave his fiance alone the entire night. after everything he's told his sister, he wasn't sure if the hate-esque approach was just a joke anymore. it all came with good intentions—he's sure, but yeonjun was still a guest and a close friend before the whole predicament. basic respect was the bare minimum. "i'm sorry about her. she's just protective."

"i understand, taehyun. you don't need to explain," yeonjun reassured with a hand pressed against his back. "let's go meet your mom."

"okay."

it started well. he started hopeful—when yeonjun helped him with his chair and offered him side dishes, they blended in with the ideal figure of a happy relationship. taehyun didn't think about his failed attempt to hold yeonjun's hand under the table when the man swiftly pulled away without sparing him a glance. he didn't think about the dismissive silence when his mother asked them about marriage.

it's an ugly feeling, but maybe it has always been there. if taehyun could burn every pain in his heart, he'd be in the fiery pits of hell. there was no adequate word to explain it.

"i'm still not there, aren't i?" taehyun showed vulnerability in the car. the only thing he hates the most, being breakable, he shares with yeonjun too. "hyung, you will never love me."

"let's not talk about this now."

"when will we?"

"you had a few drinks."

taehyun shakes his head in exasperation. "i'm not drunk. i know what i'm saying."

"we're tired," yeonjun breathes roughly, plausibly frustrated. "i don't want to say something that will hurt you."

what would change? "you're hurting me now." taehyun shouldn't have hoped in the first place.

"good night, hyung. i'm really tired."