The Monastery

The apple tasted like ash in his mouth. Struggling to chew, Susant was finally able to swallow his first bite. He held up the apple in front of him, looking at it. He watched in horror as it decayed between his fingers, and he threw it from the garden. 

              Susant felt the tension in his head grow as he staggered over to his tree. The last remnants of the sun would soon sink beyond the rim of the world. Closing his eyes, he tried to block out the voices of the people all around him. Their cheer, their contentment, it brought him nothing but misery. Everything began to spin, until it all fell away. . . .

              Susant was awakened away by rumbling thunder. Sitting up, he immediately grasped his head. There was a pain like no other he had felt, as if hammers were being smashed into his mind. Feeling his breathing quickening, Susant began to panic. He had broken his vow.

              Struggling to his feet, Susant began slowly walking out of the garden. He could barely move without his head screaming at him. He had to find Jampa. Something was wrong.

              Susant might as well have been crawling in agony as he walked forward. The distant sounds of thunder were growing closer by the minute, and the light fall of rain had already begun. He fell against the side of the dormitory wall, knowing that Jampa was just inside.

              Falling to his knees, Susant crawled up the stairs and down the hall. The door was closed, but he opened it anyway. Inside the room was nothing but darkness. He opened his mouth to speak Jampa's name, then realized that he would be breaking a second vow were he to speak. Holding back the urge to cry out for his friend, Susant crept into the room and found his way to Jampa's bed.

              He shook his friend softly, then watched as Jampa opened his eyes.

              "Susant," Jampa said quietly, not wanting to wake the other monks in his room. "What's happened to you? Are you all right?"

              Susant shook his head, clutching at it in pain.

              "You are sick?" Jampa asked, rising from his bed. A flash of light from the window, followed by a violent crackle of thunder woke everyone who had been sleeping in the room. Susant's breathing was too fast, too chaotic. His heart was beating as if it were going to break out of his chest. He could feel a cold sweat flooding over him.

              Another flash of light showed Susant's face to Jampa. "By the gods," whispered Jampa, staring at his friend. His face was sickened and pale, gaunt-like in the pale flash of light. Thunder, unlike any Susant had ever heard in all his life, boomed across the sky, seemingly splitting the world in half.

              "I pray that you did not break your vows, Susant . . ." At that, Jampa threw his red shawl over Susant's shoulders. "Lie in my bed, my friend. I will bring you some herbs to reduce the pain."

               Susant writhed in agony, his breathing only getting worse. The flashes of lightning from the windows, and the thundering sound that followed each one brought only fear to his heart. Closing his eyes as tightly as he could, he tried with all his might to calm his heart.

               Fragmented memories of his father came to him, followed by Tenzing and the other children from the orphanage. He remembered the Queen when she had come to his shop, how she had pressed her thumb to his forehead. Behind her was the painting of Kailas.

But it was no longer a painting. It was a great mountain standing underneath the dark of night. The rain began pelting down all around him as he lived once again his dream. At the top of the mountain was the crown of unrelenting lightning, striking with the force of a thousand suns. 

              "At the top of the mountain . . . the lightning," he whispered. Susant forced himself out of the bed and struggled to make it to the door. He found the stairs. Staggering up them one at a time, he could hear and feel the thunder shaking the world.

              He pushed open the door to the roof and walked out. His mind was no longer in control, as it was broken from the pain, and he found himself being led by something much more primal. A blast of wind and rain greeted him as he pushed forward to the edge of the roof.

              Lightning like he had never seen before danced and flickered across the sky. The bolts crackled from sky to earth, twisting in all different ways. They flashed from east to west. From north to south. No matter where he looked, lightning had become the king of the world. A rush of wind and rain caused Susant to fall to his knees. 

              "This is . . . my dream," whispered Susant.

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