Meant for each other!? Book1

I lie with my face to the fall as suddenly the light goes out. A few seconds later someone sits down on my bed. Since I wanna know what they got to say, I pretend to be asleep. „I don't know why I broke up Elia, seriously, this was the dumbest mistake I've ever made." Tom says with a shaking voice. „I should've been with you tonight to protect you. Believe me when I tell you that I would do literally anything for you." I somehow believe him that actually.

„I know you're here and we see each other every day but I miss you. I just wanna kiss you." I feel how he raises his hand and he puts it right over my head but doesn't touch me. After a few seconds he inhaled deep and pulls his hand back to him again. That's my clue. I turn around and pretend to wake up. „Who's that?" I ask with a sleepy voice. „I'm sorry, I'll go." He says and stands up so I quickly grab his arm and signal him to stay. He hesitates a bit but then lies down next to me. Slowly I put my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat.

„Emily told you don't wanna talk but, what happened tonight Elia?" He asks. His heart beats faster and his breathing gets heavier. A tear rolls down my cheek and on his shirt. „Elia?" I pull myself together and take a deep breath. „Nothing." I force myself to say. I close my eyes as hard as I can and press my lips together to not make a sound. „Nothing? It doesn't seem like nothing." I exhale loud. „Were you raped?" He asks me.

I can't hold back tears anymore but shake my head. He gently puts his hand on my head and strokes my hair. „Elia." He repeats my name. I take a deep breath to answer. „Hm?" I ask with a shaking voice. „What happened?" He asks calmly. Right now I wish we could just cuddle like this forever.

His heartbeat slows down again. „Just..." I say without crying but then the tears come back. „Just What, Elia?" „They just..." I start again but something stops me from saying it out loud. „They?" Tom sits up and so do I where I lean my head against the wall. It's dark but my eyes got used to it already and I can see the shape of Toms face. „Were they about to do it?" I don't stop my tears this time and he just pulls me close to him. „It's okay, you're safe now, yes?" I nod and we lie down again. My arms grab him tight and I don't wanna let go anymore.

„How about you come with me tomorrow? I got a role for an ad." „I have this test." He just nods. I get sleepy pretty fast and close my eyes. His smell and his heartbeat calms me down and makes me feel safe. At some point I give in and fall asleep.

I get woken up by my alarm and turn it off quickly just to notice, that I'm lying half on top of Tom. A light smile rests on my lips. A few minutes later he wakes up too. „Good Morning beautiful." I smile at him and get up. „I hope you're not late?" „Nah. Should I drive you?" I don't answer to this, instead I grab an outfit and head to the bathroom. „Elia are you nein serious?" „What?" I turn around halfway there. „We've been in a relationship forever and you're changing in the bathroom?" I shrug and get to the bathroom.

„It's like a hundred degrees outside." Max says. „It looks good it not?" I head to my room and pack my bag just to find Tom completely naked. Quick I turn around which makes him chuckle. „Seriously? After what we slept together for years?" „Yeah well not anymore right?" „Do you want to?" I can't help it but smile and then leave to go downstairs to the kitchen.

„Morning Emily. What's your plan for today?" „Hey Elia, how are you?" „I am good, why shouldn't I be?" „Don't ignore your problems away." I walk to the front door and put on my shoes. „You haven't eaten anything." „I'll eat on the way." With that I'm outside.

In the evening I get home completely sweaty. Luckily everyone's still at work so I quickly shower, at least I wanted it to be quick and not turn out to a Desaster. As I see myself in the mirror, it doesn't feel like this is my me and then I do what I shouldn't do, step on a scale. The number says 68 kg. I know some girls would kill for this but for me this is too much. I keep staring I'm the mirror and tears flooding my face. No matter how hard I try, I just don't see myself.

I put my hands in the sink just to see some razor blades. This is a bad idea. This is a bad idea. This is a bad idea. This is a bad idea. This is a bad idea. Well, fuck it. I reach out for it and sit down on the bathroom floor crying, trying so hard to resist to cut myself. I've been sober for so long. My hand guides the blade closer to my wrist and then I just feel a sharp pain in my whole arm. My eyes close and I throw my head back. I did it. But it feels so good, it makes me feel alive, it lets me know that I can feel something, physically and mentally.

Okay that's enough now, it really is, but the feeling is undescribeable. Only one more time. Before I know it both my wrists are covered with cuts and blood is dripping on the floor. Fuck. I wipe off my arms and then clean the floor. Quick I put on my joggers and a hoodie and rush to the kitchen to prepare a nice barbecue for the others. I am fine just in time before Emily and Max come home. They talk about school and work and change and then sit down on our balcony around the table. Not much later Tom also gets home. Our eyes meet and I notice how he's trying to hide a smile.

The three of them start eating. „How was your test?" Emily asks. „Good I guess. Well there's one answer I'm not so sure about but-„ „Don't complain, you're the best of us anyway." She giggles but she's also speaking the truth. „How did it go Tom? The ad I mean." He looks up. „It was so disgusting, but I did my job and got paid." „Then you have school tomorrow, right?" He nods at my question. That means we can be together more often, I like that.

„Not hungry?" Max asks. „Already ate. You guys took so long." Tom immediately stares at me and watches me closely wich makes me so uncomfortable. „What's that on your sleeve?" Emily asks and points at my hoodie which is turning red. „Oh, I didn't realize it wasn't washed yet, let me change." I get up and rush upstairs. Shoot! I need plaster, no, I need a bandage. Somewhere in my drawer is it, I know it!

Hectic I put it on my bed and undress my hoodie just to realize that Max is standing in the door watching me. I pull him inside and close the door. „Don't say anything, not to Tom. Please." „You need help Elia, serious help." „Just, don't tell him, promise me that." „Maybe I should, maybe you'll stop then." „It was the last time. Please don't say anything." I beg him and get really nervous.

After a few seconds he kneels down and helps me put the bandage around my arms. „Thanks Max. I owe you one." He doesn't respond. As soon as he's finished he grabs a hoodie out of my closet and throws it at me. „I wanna see you eat downstairs." With that he leaves my room. I don't even try to do anything else, I just don't want Tom to know. He wouldn't take it well.

With the others again we chit chat a little. „Are you sure you're not hungry?" Max asks me. „Well maybe I'll take a bit." I say. „Who wants a beer?" Emily asks. „Me please." I answer and the others do too. It's fun with them but after a while it's getting dark and since we all have to get up tomorrow we decide to go inside and I head to my room. „Elia. Wait." Tom says before I close my door and comes in.

„I was wondering if you're interested in ice cream." I giggle as I look at my table where still the box from yesterday is. „Well I don't think we can eat that now." He starts to laugh and then takes my hand. „Come on. I meant outside." My body stops. „It's dark." Tom instantly realized what's going through my head and comes close to me, really close. „We can stay here if you want to." He kinda whispers. Why on earth does this turn me on? I get goosebumps all over my body. „I am fine. Let's go, but I have to make a pit stop."

Tom grins and I rush to the bathroom where I throw up and then brush my teeth. As I get out Max is already waiting. „Are you serious?" I shush him. „I swear to god if-„ he says in a quieter voice. „Yeah yeah whatever." I rush to Tom and we head outside.