' GLIMPSE OF US ' - vinnie hacker (sequel)

6; planned dereliction

"i don't even have a right to feel any way about that. i left him, not the other way around. him moving on was bound to happen, i'm just reaping what i sow," lola paused and averted her eyes down to her acrylic nails, "but, yeah i'm scared. i don't know why, i probably won't see him, but just being back in that city is scary."

"it's okay to feel regret, lola...just because you made the decision doesn't mean you can't realize it was a mistake later on."

lola didn't know why, but hearing someone tell her that made the feeling of relief wash over her.

she had truly internalized the idea that she wasn't allowed to wish things were different, and hearing someone else debunk that self-depreciation felt amazing.

"i guess that's true. i just feel dumb as fuck. i don't think i regret leaving him, the space has definitely been good for me and my mental health. i feel like my own person now. but, i do regret breaking up with him. i wish he was at least still in my life" she revealed something she hadn't told anyone yet, and let out an exhale.

"well..." owen trailed off, "i thought you guys agreed to to staying friends? what happened to that."

"oh." lola accidently said out loud.

owen raised their eyebrows, " 'oh'? what do you mean?"

"uhm..." lola sighed, "you can't tell anyone about this, okay? especially not veondre. promise me you won't."

"i promise." owen swore with a nod, although they were aware of their history with secret-telling.

"vinnie...he sent me a letter."

"aw, like a love letter? that's-"

"no, bitch, a hate letter."

"...what?"

"he sent me a letter saying he never wanted to hear from me again, and that he hated me. he told me that he was in a bad place when he sent it and that he regrets it, but...i don't know, it still really fucked me over." lola exhaled. she hadn't realized how much this secret was bothering her.

it was pretty scarring for her. they had only been separated for 2 months when she received it, so her still having heavy feelings was a given. she'll never forget the day she got it in the mail.

she was so excited when she saw vinnie's name on the front of the envelope. she thought it would be a sweet letter, him telling her how much he misses her or how proud he is of her. a small part of her even thought he may ask for her to be his girlfriend again.

she had the biggest smile. she felt so adored.

then she opened it, and she read the words he had written on the paper. she no longer felt adored. she felt anguished. she felt destroyed as she collapsed and her knees dug into the hardwood floor under her.

all these weeks later and, she still felt sick every now and then when she remembered that day.

"lola...when was this?" owen asked with furrowed eyebrows, her outlook on the situation suddenly changing completely.

"i got the letter back in october, and he apologized a few weeks ago when he called to ask if i would make a statement. the apology felt real, but so did the letter. it's just confusing." the more she talked about it, the harder it was to stop.

"fuck." was all owen said in reply as she felt bewildered, taking in this newfound information.

it felt like watching a movie and there being a huge plot-twist after you were so sure that you predicted the ending. except this wasn't a movie, this was real life.

"yeah."

owen sat up a bit, facing the girl a little more, "so, is that why your so anxious to go back to l.a? because he basically told you not to?"

lola nodded, "yeah, exactly. but now i'm actually going back, and he has no idea."

owen's eyes nearly bulged out of her head, "he doesn't know that you're going back to california?!"

lola opened her mouth to reply, but their conversation was cut short by the sound of the oven beeping, indicating their food was done.

the two got up and made their way over to the kitchen, owen's mind now being on the pizza as lola continued thinking about the conversation.

vinnie was completely unaware of the trip that awaited lola, and would most likely remain unaware until the moment he saw her. he was going to see the love of his life again, and he didn't even know it yet.

owen was right.

this was a planned dereliction.

♤♤♤♤
authors note

HEY BEST FRIENDS

how has yalls weeks been so far? mine has been horrid 😭😭 but itll slowly get better. i think. i HOPE.

i cant go into detail abt my personal life,, but for a little context, let me tell yall smth. for all you girls who are like "ugh guys suck i wish i was lesbian" look:
GIRLS BREAK YOUR HEART SO MUCH WORSE THAN GUYS

ITS SO BRUTAL.

okay thats all 😍

im going night night now

bye ily mwah