nhl imagines

Silence, that's all he heard now. The silence of his mind and his atmosphere. It was overwhelming--he was used to the cheer of the crowd, the rowdiness of his teammates, the sound of you moving around the house. It was all gone now, there was no crowd, no teammates, and no you. Not anymore. 

He woke up to the sound of the TV playing in the background, the noise trying to comfort him, but it didn't. The noise made it worse. He had to make noise to be comfortable, it wasn't the same. It wasn't natural. He couldn't hear your infectious laughter anymore or your music flowing through the house. He used to hate it, it would distract him, but he should've used the distraction. He should've gotten up and danced with you, maybe you would still be here if he did. 

He wasn't himself anymore, he didn't feel like him without you. He didn't realize how much you did for him, how much you stabled him. Now, he laid in bed, drank himself to sleep, and did it all over again. He lived in his dreams where you still loved him and still wanted him. He didn't want to face the harsh reality where you were gone and it was his fault. 

"Nathan, I can't do this anymore," You sniffled. It was the same thing over and over--he never talked to you, he just bottled it all up, and then lashed out at you. You couldn't take it anymore, it was damaging to you. You needed somebody to be there for you and he was always away, even when he was home he didn't feel there. His heart beat for hockey and you knew you could never compare. 

"You can't do what?" Nate asked you confused, he didn't think anything was wrong. It was just a typical Wednesday afternoon. 

"I think we should break up," You whispered. 

"Funny," He laughed because he was always completely oblivious when it came to you. He didn't see how much his actions had been wearing on you. He didn't realize how quiet you had gotten, how you were always worried about his anger and tiptoeing around him. You couldn't do it anymore. 

You didn't answer him, he wasn't even looking at you to see your tear-stained cheeks. It was the first time he heard that silence. He didn't realize it then, but soon it would terrorize him. 

You got up and went up to your shared room, grabbing all of your clothes and shoving them into a bag. You couldn't do it anymore. Your choked-up sobs echoed through the damaged house, but again nobody noticed. 

You walked down the stairs with all of your belongings in your hands. He finally looked at you, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What are you doing?" 

"I'm leaving, Nathan, I can't do this anymore," You told him. 

He shot out of his seat when you started to open the door, he followed you outside and watched you place your things into your car. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to express his emotions, he didn't want to beg you to stay, so he just watched you. 

You turned around and noticed him voidly standing there, "You're not going to do anything? Not going to stop me or say anything? Tell me that you love me and that you can't lose me?" You cried. 

He stayed silent, the second moment of silence that haunted him. He should've done everything you said. He should've told you that he would go to therapy, that he was going to work out his issues so that you two could be happy. But he did none of that, he just stood there. 

You nodded, you felt the disappointment crushing your body, but you should've expected this from Nathan. You opened the car door when you heard his quiet voice. 

"Why?" 

"You destroyed me, Nathan." 

That phrase echoed through his head like sirens. He couldn't stop picturing your face--your beautifully heartbroken face. Those eyes that were always filled with light and laughter were now damaged and traumatized. He did that, he did that to you. He damaged you and he could never reverse it. 

He should be at home, healing with his family during the off-season, but he didn't want to miss you. The sheets that still smelled like you, the little things scattered around the house that reminded him of you. He didn't want to leave that. If he left and those memories went away, he would never forgive himself. 

He stared at his phone, just praying, that a random text would come from you. A text asking what he wanted from the grocery store and you would come home, into his arms. It would all be a dream and everything would be better. He would pull you into a hug and never let you go. 

But that wasn't happening. He was just laying in his empty house filled with uncomfortable silence.

He abandoned you and now he had to deal with it.