In A World of My Own - Book One

That stupid, psychotic son of a -

My thoughts are interrupted by a loud boom of thunder. I tilt my head back and stare up at the sky, it has always been cloudy but now with my sharp new eyes I can see raindrops falling even before they reach the tops of the trees.

Great. Now it's raining on top of everything.

You know what? Let it rain. I don't care anymore! I think I've stopped caring about everything.

The rain pours down in sheets suddenly and I am soaking right down to the bone...lovely. I hold out my arms and wait to be shrunk the size of a dust-bunny or maybe just shrunk out of existence period. But the fate doesn't befall me. 

What? I search myself over in amazement. I'm still...me-sized. Is Raetri growing on me? Has all my conditioning paid off?! Oh, miracles do exist! I laugh in wonderment as I watch the rain glitter and cascade off my skin, relieved to not be afraid of it anymore.

And yeah, it does feel so good to not be afraid of something finally. I'm so happy, I feel like I could dance in a storm in my best dress, and I guess I kinda am. Feels good to be fearless. My faith is restored as I hurry along, mud splashes up on the backs of my legs, but I don't care, I keep rushing along, searching for some place to rest. I try to look around through the heavy curtain of streaming rainwater, I see some thick looking trees in the distance...it's as good as any.

I'm so overjoyed that Raetri finally has excepted me as one of its own that I'm practically dancing my way to the forest, splashing through all the puddles along the way happily. To an outsider, I must look crazy. I blush at the thought and now push on a bit more purposely. As I walk, I can't help but wonder how lost I really am but more pressingly...my mind can't stop agonizing over how differently things coulda woulda shoulda played out a couple hours ago if I hadn't tossed my cross necklace.

What was I thinking? I blush, even though it's just me out here. But I am so humiliated by my behavior. All this pain and agony and near-death experience just for a kiss? Urgh...but the worst part is how it was a freaking life-changing-type of kiss that really makes my lips seemingly ache to experience it a - No. Whoa no. Urgh, I'm crazy. I just wish I had a guide to Court, I sooo have to find my mom, she's counting on me. She needs me.

I don't have time to get distracted by anything -or anyone- else.

I toss my hair out of my eyes again, tightening the bandana across my forehead, and focus on my solo quest once more.