Cigarettes & Jasmine - steddie

Chapter 4:

Steve was back in his black BMW...he thought to go to Max's house but realized...he couldn't since she was still bedridden in a hospital bed, he frowned. He looked back at all of Eddie's cassettes and records in the backseat.

"Can't believe Eddie had the west side story soundtrack...love that movie." He mumbled, he could almost see Dustin roll his eyes from the side of his eye.

"Of course you do..." muttered Dustin

What a brat...

"What west side story is a classic, that's like saying you don't like grease" Dustin stares at him

"I love you dude but horrible taste...it has to be Eddie's uncles record...because there's no way that Eddie is as lame as you." Steve chuckles

'Love, Eddie' Steve still couldn't believe that Eddie wrote him a letter...He tried to keep driving while talking to dustin but he couldn't stop thinking about Eddie's letter...

'Love Eddie'

Was it like an endearing type of the word, that he respected Steve or was it like...love love.

Did that mean Eddie was gay? It almost seemed impossible, he knew that fag was spray painted on his locker for a long while (something he had no part) and he had heard nasty rumors about the metalhead but he knew half of the rumors were falsities from jocks and cheerleaders who needed to feel bigger then they already were...and Eddie had told him he was but Eddie teased...

'Love Eddie' he can almost hear it in Eddie's voice and it's haunting but gorgeous, Eddie's gorgeous.

Was gorgeous.

And Steve must be going crazy...he needs sleep...

He hasn't slept since the incident...

"Steve?"

"Huh?"

"I asked how you were?"

"What...I'm fine." Steve answers trying to sound nonchalant which he knows he fails when Dustin l stares at him pointedly, "really?"

"Of course..."

He is the furthest from fine not only had he found that painful letter but also when he got home he'd be alone again, with his thoughts and the bottle of aspirin in the pill cabinet in his bathroom, but he couldn't say that, he'd never say that.

It'd only make everyone worry...

Worry that he even consider such a selfish act.

But sometimes just sometimes some switch inside him actually thought it might be the most selfless thing he can do.

The only way.

He would no longer be the burden, stick in the mud and unlovable man he was now.

~~~~~~~~

Steve drops off Dustin who takes some of the records and cassette tapes but leaves the rest to Steve, he'd wish he'd took the letter with him...he hated that Eddie even wrote this for him

Steve wasn't a good dude back then so why?

Sure he was better now but that letter was dated 1984 meaning Eddie wrote this way before Steve rather interesting character development...

He grabs one of the cassette tapes from the pile in his backseat still near Dustin's house.

"Hatful of hollow"