The Shadow of Gloom

Chapter 42 - Recommit

"You'd abandon our cause and the people here all because of one event?" I asked, making him think, and when he shook his head slowly, I leaned towards him, connecting deeper with his gaze. "You can't let a few evil people ruin your outlook and make you want to give up. You are stronger than that and somewhere inside you knows that. Remember the man who wanted to save those people back in Aegar because that is who you, August."

He swallowed thickly and lowered his gaze to his feet. "I wouldn't choose them over you though."

I pulled away from him and held back a heavy sigh. I wasn't anything special. We all had those moments where we wished that we could save someone we cared for over the lives of countless others. He'd see soon that things never worked that way.

"My sole life means nothing compared to the thousands who will become victims of the Vale if we sit by and don't act," I stated, being straightforward with him, then I stood and readied to leave him with my final thoughts. "You are not meant for this life if you cannot handle that burden. I wouldn't judge you if you chose to walk away and choose another path. You are still free to do so."

He hadn't moved nor dared to speak since I had distanced us and had moved towards the door to leave the room. His gaze wavered, and his lips stayed set in their frown. Whether my words had gotten through to him or whether he was willing to commit to such a difficult choice, I didn't know because that was up to him. He had to decide what he wanted to do, and nothing I could say nor do could force his hand. I had learned that now.

"It is your choice, August." I opened the door on that note, and added before leaving, "Come to me when you've made up your mind."

When I had exited, I closed the door behind me before I released the heavy sigh I had been holding. It had taken more out of me than August would ever know to say what I had to him and say it is such a manner that it could stick in his mind. It was now left in his hands to decide whether he would recommit to our cause or not.

After Ronan had left me with only his cold, callous words in my mind, I sat alone in the dim room lit only by the candlelight. Now more than ever I missed the crickets that I'd hear outside my window at night in Ashedale, and then the sound of a text from my mom saying goodnight. I missed working at the musty bar and hearing Stevie and Candance argue like an old married couple. But most of all, I just missed home.

That wasn't something I could go back to though, and I knew it all too well. I wanted to say how I wasn't built for this or that I couldn't hold my own, but the truth was that I had saved us from death back in Darrose and I needed to accept that. Maybe I wasn't perfect and could bring down the roof anytime I wanted to, except that didn't mean I needed to cut myself down and say that I couldn't do this because I already was.

I was already tied up in this mess and was being hunted the same as them. We were in this together and I needed to remember that. Beside the point Ronan had never said I couldn't watch their backs. I could help protect Laelmos with one hand while sticking up for them at the same time. It wasn't what he wanted, I knew that from his black and white choice from earlier, but it was what I was willing to settle for.

When I stood, ready to deliver my decision to Ronan, I slid my hand into my pants pocket and rubbed my fingertips over the two patches inside it. Both of them had been there since we had left Darrose, and I'd been wallowing over them until now. They spelled the beginning of a new era between us three and they were going to accept it... or they'd throw it back in my face and I'd been humiliated again.

Putting my best foot forward, I forced my head up and shoulders back as I walked out of the room and into the main room. Saint wasn't back yet, but both Leuthar and Ronan were huddled together in front of the hearth, muttering to each other. They grew quiet at my approach with Ronan being the first to gaze my way. They were oblivious to my plan.

"Catch," I stated before I pulled both items out of my pocket, tossing one to Leuthar and one to Ronan. Leuthar caught his and scowled immediately while Ronan's lips into a frown. "If we are going to work together, then we need to make a name for ourselves."

Leuthar huffed before he dropped his badge onto the floor and left it there like trash. Ronan remained quiet as he looked down at the badge in his hand, with his thumb brushing over the intricate details.

"We already have a name for ourselves," Leuthar grumbled.

I rolled my eyes and picked the discarded badge off the floor before shoving it back into Leuthar's hand. "It's time to change the meaning behind that name."

"You can't up and decide that—"

"What would you propose?" Ronan interrupted, making Leuthar gawk between the both of us like we were crazy. I probably was, I didn't know about Ronan though.

"Until now, you've been fighting the Vale and have been the remaining few wanting to do that. Your fight here in Krak has ended, but it hasn't in all of Laelmos," I began, gazing up at Ronan to gauge his reaction. I should've looked to someone else since he was stone-faced. I cleared my throat, and then continued in a no-nonsense tone, "The point that I am getting at is that fighting doesn't seem to be an option anymore and that I think we should change to being protectors. Our best bet is to warn people before the fighting has to begin."

Leuthar shook his head. "You're a little late. We are already fighting. Ronan has decided that we are going to King Tariel in Kalle."

I stood floored by this revelation. I knew we were going to Eyrin, but to Kalle? To another king? Ronan had to be kidding me, but I guessed this was what I had signed up for as much as I hated that.

"By fighting we are protecting, August. You want us to have a new name for ourselves, then the best way to go about that is separating ourselves from old images," Ronan stated as he took Leuthar's patch from him and then collectively handed his and Leuthar's back to me. "We should put our past behind us and move forward."

Reluctantly, I took my rejected patches back and stowed them away again, never to see the light of day. I was tired of it, even if I knew that Ronan was right. We had to move on from the disaster here in Krak and find another way for ourselves. One way or another we would continue our cause.

"You're staying, then?"

At Ronan's question, I huffed and side-eyed him. Was me coming out here not enough of an answer for him? He was something else sometimes and that was why I liked him.

"You are quick to forget that I promised to stick with you," I replied, donning a smirk before I winked at him. "I'm not going anywhere any time soon."

"Good, then you can get to work by helping Leuthar gather what we need for our trip," he stated as he pointed his chin towards Leuthar. My smirk fell when I grimaced and wanted to refuse, but Ronan was quick to offset it with it a raise of his eyebrow. "Would you rather stay here then and wait for us to be found?"

He would have to pull that, wouldn't he? It made me wish he was back and lying sick in bed again. Or maybe not.

I punched his shoulder, making myself grunt when my knuckles hit his solid mass. His lips twitched before he hid his mouth behind his hand as he scratched his beard and glanced away from me. I shook my head at his continued stone-face, and then dragged my feet along with Leuthar.

I was an errand boy when I had the powers of an unhinged witch. It was going to bite Ronan in his ass one of these days for making me be his lackey instead of being right alongside him.

None of me looked forward to going to another kingdom and meeting another king. I only hoped this one stayed alive longer than the other.