what i can't have | JENLISA

Chapter 1

It had led them to leave school their junior year and hit the road, playing sets in dive bars and summer county fairs, barely making any money but loving the rocker life anyway. It wasn't until they'd struggled through a few years of shitty motels and somewhat shitty gigs that they stumbled upon their open door. The right person in the right place at the right time - an agent who signed them to a record deal.

That was over three years ago, and four sensationally successful albums later, they'd never looked back. They had parted ways with one member a while back but their music didn't suffer. They had a fancy tour bus and hotel rooms to stay at after singing their hearts out for sold-out crowds. They had fans all over the world and groupies who followed them on their cross-country tours.

But apparently, according to one writer's opinion, they weren't rockers nor artists.

And for the most part, it drove Jennie up the wall. They'd all given up things to be here. Irene had walked away from a degree in journalism. Jisoo and Rosé had set aside their desire for stability for a romance on the road.

And Jennie... well, maybe she hadn't exactly given up too much. She'd finished her college degree in psychology and creative writing on the road, all while pursuing her dreams of being the lead singer of a rock band.

It was more like she'd gained everything with The Plane Pink.

Still. They all made sacrifices to live a life on the road and then in the studio. They didn't deserve to have their hard work dragged through the mud by some stuck-up writer. But there was a small part of Jennie, a very small part that she was usually better at ignoring, that wrestled with the words in the article. The ones that were swirling around in her mind, unprompted and uninvited.

Are you writing songs for a cushy retirement or to be remembered?

The answer was easy - Jennie wanted to be remembered. God, she yearned to be remembered for her art and her music. She wrote all the songs for the band, she sang them to perfection, and she wanted to be remembered for them.

But for all those offensive words and uncalled for personal attacks, it seemed as if this Lalice Manoban person had crawled into her deepest insecurity and shone a near-impossible to ignore light on it. This author seemed to have found her weakness and made Jennie wonder if maybe she hadn't also given something up to do this. If maybe she didn't deserve to be remembered for this career she'd made for herself so far.

———

"Thank you, Portland!" Jennie yelled into the microphone, pumping her fist in the air and wiping the sweat from her forehead.

She let the roar of the crowd wash over her, letting the chanting and the cheering drown out the article she hadn't been able to get out of her head since yesterday.

Speaking of that article.

"We've got one song left to play for you all, but before we get to that... has anybody seen the latest copy of Rolling Stone?" Jennie asked, grinning cockily as she moved her maroon, electric Fender guitar, Fran, around to her back and pulled the microphone off the stand.

The crowd immediately booed at her question, their voices erupting throughout the venue. A few of the people closest to the stage turned their thumbs down before reaching their hands back out for Jennie to touch.

Jennie let out a delighted laugh, moving to the side as Irene and Rosé dragged an empty metal trash bin to the center of the stage.

"We feel the same way, Portland. We weren't just offended that some snobby stiff with a Thesaurus dared to buy our album, Envisioned. Which I hear is now... sold out across America? Did I get that right, Kim?" Jennie asked, turning to shoot Jisoo a wink over her shoulder.