The Finding Tree

I guess maybe I should have seen it. That inevitable writing on the wall. But I didn't want to look, so I chose not to. I ignored the small signs. The melancholy, the distance. I ignored the slow inconsequential avoidances that end up becoming huge after a portion of time.

But I didn't ignore how I felt. I slowly and surely fell in love with Peter. I fell in love with the way he walked, all tall sinew and slouch. I fell in love with a tousle of hair, with eyes that always found me in a crowd. I fell in love with his honesty and conversation and how it always built me up, rather than pushed me down. I fell in love with his smells, kisses and touches. I fell for how he took me everywhere with him. We went on all kinds of hikes in every kind of weather, and he always brought me hot chocolate. I loved that damn dimple when he'd really smile, and his perpetually warm hands. He had given me my first of everything so far when it came to love. I had no other gauge to measure things by, but Peter filled up my heart like a cup under a faucet that was left on too long.

It wasn't my choice, like he always said love was. It was a feeling that I couldn't get rid of. Falling in love with Peter was a hike up in the mountains where the air was thin. I couldn't catch my breath no matter how hard I tried. It was something I wasn't prepared for...that gulping gasping chest tightness that doubled me over, made my cheeks flush and fingers tingle. Loving him made me want to throw up and cry. But the view was so damn beautiful, I couldn't look away.

Winter came and went. We were always together. He was as certain as the sunshine above the clouds, and became the best part of my year. As March turned into April, he invited me to be his date for the senior formal. A rite of passage, so to speak. A dance and dinner that celebrated another harvest of young minds that Chesterwood sacrificed on the altar of capitalism.

Between Peter's affection, Miko's stability, Ginny's love, Mabel's journal, and my dad's letters, I had grown up I thought. I had the strength and resilience of Mabel's journey supporting me, and my dad's trek from the abyss to come back to life.

I had the reassurance from all these people that I could stand on my own if I needed. And Peter's undeniable affirmations made me that much more fearless of what life would offer after we left school.

Dad and Hannah had moved into the Lakehouse last month. They've written every two weeks, telling me about the place and how he's started clearing out the trails and refurbishing the house. Some of the outbuildings were beyond repair, but I may have them rebuilt depending on the funds and dad's motivation.

Hannah made jewelry, and traveled to local art fairs and festivals, so she was ecstatic to move out to the country. My dad's brother had seen his progress in sobriety and told him he would invest in his future again by offering him a position on the board of the creative branch of Cameron Metalworks.

All of this future building had me smiling in my sleep. I couldn't wait to see my family in two months at graduation.

Kev's girlfriend Melissa and I went shopping last week for formal dresses. It was the most fun I've had in a store, since I was a kid in "Toys R Us". I felt like a princess and so did she. The dark green brocade ankle length gown was flattering but not immodest, I still had my limits.

The night of the dance, Peter was infuriatingly on time! I had just put on my earrings when he knocked. I rolled my eyes and padded to the door in my slip and stockinged feet.

"I saw that," he drolled.

"How could you see me roll my eyes, through this door!" I swung it open and grinned at him. He was handsome in an awkward way. A new suit, and white dress shirt with a matching forest green tie. The shirt still had the fold wrinkles still in it, and the suit looked stiff with department store starch.