Catch Me if i fall

Disclaimer~ This story will have heavy Spoilers for Persona 5: The royal and Minor spoilers for both Persona 4: The golden, and Persona 3 reload. This prologue will be written like a diary as it is supposed to be one. (I hope it's written good, i tried to make it seem as much as i could like a diary and depict the emotions as best as i could). Canon is changed slightly, ages altered (Mainly MC), Makoto becomes president in first year, and the metaverse is more like the dark hour as in your time there is warped. A day there is only about an hour in real world. There is also some more key changes to Makoto, where in this i want her to have battled depression in the past (And honestly still battling). This will be a darker story in general also. Lets get to it.

TW: Depression, Suicidal thoughts, self-hate, self-doubt, mentions of Abuse (Sexual included), feeling powerless, self harm.

~Ah your back~

Makoto's Dairy~

21/4/2014
Entry One— "I have decided to start a diary as my freshman year starts in High school. I'll write whenever i feel a good time is and about school. I hope to look back once i'm out to see my growth and development."

7/5/2014
Entry Two— "Today class was easy, far to easy. The material being taught i was already studying. I took time today to voice my concerns with my sensei. He said "Wow Nijima~San, i'm surprised you already know this. if you like you can read and study ahead of the class, just make sure to know what we are doing" i felt happy to be praised but quickly squashed it. This isn't enough, i have too know more, so Onee~San isn't so pressured"

19/5/2014
Entry Three— "I'm ahead in all classes. I have a S in every class right now. The teachers all congratulate me but i still feel it isn't enough. It won't be until i'm no longer a burden on Onee~San. Yesterday we had dinner, i noticed she was tired, extremely so. I felt terrible, i want to help her, but i can't. I'm so useless...."

4/6/2014
Entry Four— "i've been elected as top candidate for Student council president, even though i'm still a first year. I'll accept it if i do get chosen. Maybe showing Onee~San i can handle responsibility will lift her spirits."

13/6/2014
Entry Five— "I'm now president of the student council. It's been an.......eventful week to say the least. Yesterday i broke the news to Onee~San and while she was genuinely happy her response was filled with fatigue. Maybe cooking dinner will help? She does have to come home and cook for us. I'll learn how to cook to help.

25/6/2014
Entry Six— "I was able to learn quick. Turns out I'm a natural. Just earlier i made dinner before Onee~San got home. On her face was a small smile as she sat down. She thanked me and ate. She said it was good. I'm glad. She did seem slightly less tired, but it wasn't enough just yet. I can tell, i'm still a burden. I'll keep finding ways to relieve her of her stress"

30/9/2014
Entry Seven— "I wasn't able to write since last entry but everything is going bad. Recently Onee~San has been getting swamped with work, everyone is talking about how i'm "such a teachers pet" or "she's such a bitch, always calling us out for taking a glance at each others test". I...... i don't know what to do. I just can't anymore. Along with that student council work has been stressful, with me being more of a tool for our principal than an actual president. It's.....hard. I want to quit, i want to just curl up into a ball and shut myself off, but i have to stay strong....... I wish Oto~San was still alive...."

2/1/2015
Entry Eight—  "These couple months have been a shit show. I'm surprised i haven't broken down yet. I've heard rumors that Kamoshida~Sensei had started to abuse the track team. I don't want to believe it, no, i can't believe it. There's no way. He just wouldn't!......Right?"

2/5/2015
Entry Nine— "Second year has started, still the same problems as last.... The rumors on kamoshida~sensei may be true. He recently broke a first years leg in "self defense". I want to dig and find the truth but the few attempts i've taken have been shut down immediately, with my scholarship even being brought up. I.......i want to find out the truth but i can't risk my scholarship. Without that, i'll be a burden forever...."

25/5/2015
Entry Ten— "They keep demanding me. They keep demeaning me. If i try to please one the other kicks me down and spits in my face. I'm getting tired of this. I'm getting tired of this shit! Why can't I just tune them out!? Why am I so damn sensitive to all the bullshit that happens around me!? Why does everyone always add onto the shit I already have!? I wish i was never born!"

17/6/2015
Entry Eleven— "i've been feeling so tired. I....i can't go on. I just want it to end.... Yesterday i was called out and harassed in class because for the first time i answered wrong. I was feeling tired, gave out the answer to a higher level question. It was horrible! They just kept on laughing and talking shit! That's not all though! I was harrassed all throughout the school because of some disgusting rumors! Apparently people think I've been "selling myself to the teachers for good grades"! Who the hell thinks up this stuff! It's infuriating! Don't get me started with how no teacher even attempted to prove them wrong!I HATE THEM! I HATE THIS WORLD! I HATE MY CLASSMATES! I HATE MY DAMN SELF. I WANT THIS TO END, SOONER OR FUCKING LATER!

21/6/2015
Entry Twelve— "I have urges. They scare me. I hate it. I shouldn't be scared. After all they are my way out, I know it. They are my only escape. So why can't I bring myself to do it! Every time I grab my chair, ready kick it from under my feet fear freezes me. One kick and it's over! Just one! So why can't i do it! I hate it! I hate myself! I'm so useless! I can't even end my own life! End it so Onee~San no longer is burdened! End it so nobody at school has to worry about me nagging them for cheating or smoking or whatever the hell else! End it so no teacher has to deal with comments of how much of a whore i am! End it so that i can finally be fucking free! But i can't! I'm fucking terrified of ending my life, and i hate it! Why am i so fucking useless!?"

5/7/2015

Entry Thirteen— "Make It stop Make It stop Make It stop. MAKE. IT. STOP! WHY WON'T IT STOP. FUCK STOP. I CAN BARELY EVEN WRITE! ITS TEMPTING JUST TO SHOVE THIS PENCIL IN MY NECK! DAMN IT! WHY WONT IT"

7/9/2015

Entry Fourteen— "Why. Why me! I....i can't! I feel so gross! So violated! The principal! THAT FAT PIG! HE MADE ME! HE MADE ME DAMN IT! IT WASN'T ME! I DIDN'T WANT TO! HE THREATENED MY EXPULSION! THAT SICK PIECE OF SHIT! I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM!"

19/11/2015
Entry fifteen— "the urges won't leave, but i'm suppressing them. I find pain helps the most. The cool metal sliding through my skin silences the urges. The best spot so far is my forearms. I can wrap them in bandages and just say i burned myself cooking as an excuse. I change them often so blood doesn't pool. It's a decent alternative. After all I can't end my life. I'm to scared. But i also can't take all these damn urges. It's a compromise!......i'm so weak. Too weak to handle the pressure, to scared to end it. It's laughable really! It's a choice between being a useless tool or ending it all! Why is it so damn hard!

10/4/2016
Entry sixteen— "i made it to third year, surprisingly. Since my last entry life is a blur. Everything is set in routine, like i'm a robot. Though i guess something different happened this time. Today i was introduced to a new transfer. His name was Akira Kurusu. He was supposedly the perpetrator of an assault case. It doesn't matter though. I'm supposed to tutor him, make sure he's up to speed with how things work around here. Makes sense. Any task like this is tossed onto me, but i can't complain. At least for now he doesn't look at me the same. He looks at me like i'm a human. It was heart crushing to realize how much i've longed for that look. It was a breath of fresh air, but i know that it was only a breath. I'll be trapped again soon enough, and it'll be worse now that i've gotten a taste of something i can't have"

~Take your Time~