In My Dreams II

Meredith stared at the man who was the love of her life. He stared back, smiling.

The wind rustled his hair and the sun sparked his eyes.

The sand wasn't real, he told her.

But this dream felt more real to her... more real than anything she'd ever felt before. And seeing him made her feel more alive than she'd felt in a really, really long time.

Was this it?

Was this the end of her, then?

It's not like she wanted to die. No, she didn't want to. She couldn't imagine leaving her kids. Her friends, her sisters...

But if she was going to go, Derek was there. On the other side of this strange barrier...

Waiting...

For her.

And suddenly the thought of dying didn't seem so bad.

She could be with him. They would be together, and-

"Meredith," he said. "It's not over. You're not finished."

She glanced at her feet, dodging. The sand was real. Hell, there was even a sand castle inches from Derek's feet.

"Look at me, Meredith."

She didn't want to this time. Why'd he have to go ruin it now? But still, she couldn't resist. He looked just like he did when he walked out the door the day he-

Just like that. Better even.

She sighed, looking at him.

He sighed too, looking at her.

He knew the precipice Meredith dangled from. The tight-rope she frequently balanced on. Oh... how easy it would be to just let go...

Let go, and come home.

Water rushed over her toes. The tide...(was there a tide in this place?) crashed the waves just a little bit harder up the beach, over her feet, inching it's way to the sand castle, taking a few grains with it with every ebb.

"I don't want to die, Derek," she claimed.

"Mm-hmm."

"I just... I miss you." It'd been a few years now, without him. And she'd moved on if you could call it that. She'd packed the Derek-shaped pieces of her heart and placed them gently away, never too far away, but far enough that she had room in her life to overcome the sadness and heartbreak to let people in.

Those people, though she loved them, they weren't Derek.

She hadn't fallen for those people.

The only person she wanted to fall for again was him.

But... not like this.

It scared her a bit, honestly, how thrilled she was to be in his presence when she knew her kids needed her. The real world needed her. It was dying and falling apart and she was a doctor.

She was raised to be extraordinary.

But here she was, on the precipice of life and death, and her heart...

Her heart was telling her to go. Just go. Be with him.

"I..." she put a hand on her chest, if only to feel her heartbeat... thumpa-thumpa-thumpa.

"Meredith," Derek shook his head. "You're not ready."

"But I..."

The waves crashed over their feet again. Chipped away at the sand castle. "Live," he said. "Not for me. Not for the kids, or your sisters... or... whoever." Derek shifted, looking out at the pristine waters, at the gulls soaring up, up into the clouds, vanishing with a tilt of their bodies into the vast sky. "Live... for you, Meredith."

Meredith? Mere, wake up.

Pulse ox is dropping.

Mere?

"Meredith?"